Tommy Sallow is onto better and brighter things. After working a small hometown beat in upstate New York, he's finally in sunny California. As expected, it's the same shit in a different town. Except, you know, now he's near the ocean and miserable...
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As my eyes finally open, it takes me a moment to remember where I am. The room is small. Smaller than I've grown accustomed to. The bed is smaller too, and harder. I'm not complaining about the differences, actually, I enjoy them. They remind me that my life is about to change. I've been working toward this moment for a long time. Hoping that one day I could start to piece myself back together again, to find myself. I just never thought at 30 I would be living with my parents again, with my daughter.
You know that saying, everything happens for a reason? I've never really believed in that. Life happens. Sometimes it's kind, giving you gifts like my daughter. Other times it's cruel, taking what it wants, pushing you down as it passes by. I think it's cruel more often than not. But that's just life. I don't think things happen because there's some bright side waiting to emerge. I think they happen because of the choices we make. Cause and effect and all that jazz.
I fell in love with a monster. That was my choice. I got married, I gave up a big part of who I was, who I wanted to be because I wanted to be a good wife. It didn't take long before that aspiration turned into being a good mom. Every choice I make now is not for me, or for him, it's for her. It's why I stayed so long. It's why I fought to keep us together, it's also why I finally left. My brother said something to me a few months ago. He told me that it wouldn't be long before Mia was on the other side of his hand. I've known that for a long time. I've lost sleep over it. I've purposefully given myself to him as a punching bag to make sure his anger subsides in time to protect her. Being a good mom, it's what every decision I have made has hinged on.
I slowly pull myself from the bed. It's actually my brother's old bed, my younger brother, the one I'm actually closest to, not my twin. I gave Mia my old room. Watching her make it hers while keeping some of my old memories did something to my heart. Watching your own daughter make a home in your childhood bedroom does some type of dance on your chest. It's like everything has come full circle and yet at the same time, it's like I never got off the ground.
I make my way across the hall and start the shower. Today is a long one. I have quite a few things to take care of, including solidifying Mia's place at the preschool. They need all the final paperwork and deposit. One that my mom is fronting. I hate that. I hate taking from her, especially after everything she's already given. But I have to. If I let Vince give me any financial support, it keeps his hold on me. A clean break, it's what I had to do.
She won't be supporting me for long, though. That's goal number two. Find a job. I love my parents, but I don't want them supporting me. It's their endless support for my twin brother that's dug them in the hole they're in now. I won't be like him. I just need a little time. Time to get Mia in preschool, time so I can find a job, and time to get back on my feet. It's been a long time since I stood alone.
After applying a light layer of makeup and pulling my hair back into a braid, I make my way out to the kitchen. My mom is up, making eggs. She has the cheese beside the stove, making me smile. The only way Mia will eat eggs is with cheese.
