25. False Hope

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I sit on the step of the porch watching as Mia chases Stella across the grass

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I sit on the step of the porch watching as Mia chases Stella across the grass. The laugh she has been filling the yard with since Stella arrived has warmed my heart. Since Tommy dropped her off, we've already gone for two walks, played fetch, and given plenty of belly rubs. I don't think Stella has ever experienced this much constant attention, but she is most definitely soaking it all in as her tongue hangs from her mouth, her tail wagging frantically as Mia holds the ball up.

"Sit," Mia says, holding her hand up in the air just as Tommy showed her on Thanksgiving. Stella quickly pushes her bottom to the ground, eyes glued to the ball. "Good girl," she smiles before throwing the ball across the yard.

Mia quickly turns her head toward me, "Did you see that, Mommy? I made it all the way to the flowers that time!"

I smile, nodding my head. "I did! You're getting so good. You'll be ready for tee-ball in no time!"

She smiles before turning back to Stella who has already dropped the ball back at her feet. I would have never thought about getting her into team sports. My family really only focused on surfing growing up, and in New York, dance just seemed logical. Mia was always the dress twirling, flower picking type since she was old enough to walk. I guess I never really thought about anything else for her, not until Tommy taught her how to properly throw a ball.

My thoughts drift to him, shifting to this morning when he dropped Stella off. I could tell he was slightly nervous leaving her with someone else. It was actually really cute how he rattled off all of her feeding and walking routines. I just watched him take on his fatherly duty, making sure his baby was well taken care of. I also made sure to acknowledge his requests, repeating back the amount of food she usually gets and at what time. I may not have a pet, but I do know what it's like to love a child. And that's what pets become. A part of your family.

That's not the only thought from this morning that still seems to be lingering through my mind. After Mia ran off with Stella to the backyard, I made sure to feel my favorite place in his arms one more time before he left. I knew I wouldn't get my usual Sunday walk, one that I was thoroughly looking forward to. Ever since his proclamation to move slow, we've managed to balance on this thin line of what that actually means. It's clear things are developing, and I seem to enjoy the fire of his touch a whole lot more than people who are moving slow should.

Whenever he's near me, I look for every excuse just to feel him, to run my hands along the muscles of his back, to feel his firm chest pressed against me. And sitting in his lap yesterday, pressing up against him in a more intimate way than we ever have before, sent a pulsing desire through me. I could feel it in him too. The way his hand slid across my back, sending flutters of feelings and pure lust coursing through me. I'm thankful we weren't completely alone in that moment because I don't know that I would have been able to keep the walls of slow in place if the movers hadn't interrupted my seductive visions in that moment.

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