My world and thoughts

BA-LA-K

I've known you since freshman year. We never had a class together. You were always at my lunch. I'd sit on your lap and tease you. You'd wrap you're arms around me. But then you started to come to school high. I don't mind weed. I mind the harder drugs. But even still, I was always comfortable with you. I never thought that I would end up dating you and then finding out that you are the love of my life and my soulmate. You've liked me since we first met and I've always had an attraction towards you. It just took me a couple years to see it. The way that you look at me and hold my hand makes me feel like everything will be okay, even through hard times. This might be a little tmi but when we have sex it's not just sex. You can feel the compassion we have for each other with every movement. Even when we are just sitting around at home watching a movie. It just radiates. The love I have for you, I can't put into words and I think that's why I'm so emotional. I don't know how to express my love through words so when I get upset over the smallest things you take it as if I'm mad. Usually I'm not I just don't know how to express how I feel and so I cry. I cry because it's hard for me to tell you how I feel. It's partially from fear. Fear that you won't love me after I tell you how I feel. That I'll lose you forever. But it's also that I just don't know how to word it and I get frustrated with myself. Right now we aren't together but I met this girl in my teachers class whom I TA for. She's very spiritual and I don't think you are but that's okay. I'm not insanely spiritual but when I talk to her it just feels right. Like I can talk to her about anything. I was talking to her about you and when I first met her it was the day after we broke up. After that day every time I see her I talk to her and just chill. She sounds a little crazy sometimes but honestly, who's to say that I'm not crazy. She told me that she was an alien in her past life. Do I believe aliens exist? Yes. Do I believe they are here on earth? Maybe. They may or may not be trying to take over the universe. Do I think it's cool? Yes. Yes I do.  Anyway, I brought her up because with spiritual people if they say something it's usually true. That's why I don't fuck with witches. They'll curse you. Anyway the girl I met said that she believes that you and I are soulmates and that just made me believe it even more. I love you so god damn much and I know eventually we will get back together. After all, if I'm not the one marrying you, I'll show up at your wedding and make you wish you were marrying me instead.