You Look Perfect (lams)

Chapter 15

John's pov: 

T.W: Panic attack, PTSD, mention of death. 

I woke up to the sound of heavy rain against my window and loud, extreme thunder. I tried to pull Alex close because I can't sleep particularly well without someone else. I blindly felt around on the bed and groaned softly when I made the realization he must've stayed in the guest room. That was until I hear a small whimper coming from across the room.

"Alex?"

No response. 

I tried to turn the light switch on but the power seemed to be out. 

"Alexander?? Alex? Are you okay?"

A soft whimper. 

I immediately scrambled toward the noise. I searched around until I felt a small body on the floor in the corner of the room. "Alex.." I said ever so slightly. I pulled his small figure into my lap. I didn't know what to do exactly, but I had a small idea because my mom used to have panic/anxiety attacks.

 I caressed his cheek softly and muttered words of comfort. "I'm right here, shhh, it's okay, I'm right here." As quickly as his breaths calmed down, thy sped up again. He began to shake his head repeatedly and whisper small sentences. "No, dead. Everyone, dead. You- you're not here, left, like everyone else. Ma- mama, gone. Everyone, gone. Washed up. D-drowned. N-no one left. All alone. H-help." My eyes welled with tears as he shook and curled himself back into a ball. I took a shaky breathe, I have to be strong for him right now. 

"I'm not gone, A-alex. I won't leave you. Promise. I'm here, alive, and I won't leave you. You're not alone. I'm here for you, forever." I wiped the warm tears from his eyes that couldn't seem to stop falling. He let out a slight whimper but I could feel him relax a little bit and uncurl from the ball he created for himself. 

I started breathing steady breaths. In, out, in, out. "Copy my breaths." I felt the rise and fall of his chest as the tears stopped falling. I laid his head against my chest. "What do you hear?" He took a sniffle before responding, "Y-your heartbeat, breathing." I nodded and smiled softly. "What do you see?" He opened his eyes and slowly peered up at me. "You- your freckles, eyes..."

"...lips"

 "What do you feel?" He reaches his small hand up to my cheek and rubs it softly. 

"You, comfort. Safe."

I smile. "I'm here Alex, I'll keep you safe. You're okay, I'm here." He looks into my eyes and I look back, admiring the deep brown that's hiding multiple emotions. "T-thank you, John." He leans closer to me until there's barely a inch of space between us. I lean in shakily before taking a deep, quick breath. "We- we should get back to bed." He nods and stands up slowly. 

That was not just about to happen.