The Stupidity Of Love (Lev Haiba)

How Do You Really Feel?

 After a few more study sessions, it finally started to feel like Lev was starting to get things. Well, his grades went up a bit, at least. Still, until the tournament, he had to make sure his grades stayed up. So even if he was seeming okay now, we still had to keep at it.

"I'm going to go change now," Lev said, smiling at me. Today had been an especially good practice for him, it seemed. I might still be a bit of an outsider to volleyball, but he'd seemed like he did well today. "Wait for me."

As he ran off to change, a few of the other members were returning from changing. While I had to wait on Lev, some of them decided to keep me company.

"So Reisa..." the captain, Kuroo, hummed. "We've got a question for you."

I wasn't sure I liked that look he was giving me... it made me feel like I was about to be interrogated. "Yes?"

Kuroo crossed his arms over his chest, eyeing me. "What do you think of Lev?"

What did I think of Lev? What kind of question was that? I was sure that they thought the same things about him that I did... "Well, he's a good friend... fun to be around..."

"That's not what I meant..." Wasn't that what he said though? I really don't get this guy... "How do you feel about him?"

Was there something that I was missing? Was there some big thing that I was supposed to say? "I told you, he's my friend."

Kuroo sighed, running a hand through his hair. "You mean you don't ever think of him as anything more than that?"

"Why would I?" The more he said, the less sense he made. What did this have to do with anything? The thought had never occurred to me then that I was just simply oblivious to what should have been painfully obvious. "I don't think of anyone in a more than friendly way."

"Seriously?"This time it was the other third-year beside Kuroo spoke. I think that was Yaku, the one who usually yelled at Lev for things... more so than Kuroo did. "You mean you don't think about kissing or even holding hands?"

I'm ashamed to say that I actually had to think about that answer. Any normal person would have immediately said of course, but I guess I've more than proven I'm not normal. "Well, I have thought about what sex and kissing and other things might be like, but I've never felt any desire to actually do any of that stuff."

Their faces fell a bit. At the time, I had no idea why... but if I did, I'm still not sure my answers would have changed. "So if Lev asked you out, would you refuse him?"

"Right now? Yes." As heartless as it sounded, it was the truth. Not once had I ever considered Lev to be anything beyond a friend. It wasn't like I hated him or anything though... and it certainly wasn't his fault by any means... "But there's no guarantee about the future, so he might have a small chance."

It really should have dawned on me then what they'd been trying to hint at, but I guess I was just too oblivious. Or maybe I just didn't want to believe that it was even a possibility.

Before they could interrogate me more, Lev returned from changing. I was almost grateful, having been saved from more weird questions. Not that they were bothering me, but whatever they'd been trying to do was completely lost on me. Maybe that's what I get for having not bothered much with making friends.

If Lev had heard anything that they had said, he didn't seem to show it; he just gave me his usual idiotic smile and adjusted his bag on his shoulder. "Ready to go?"