The Stupidity Of Love (Lev Haiba)

What Are You Doing?

 After I'd left the gym, I'd wanted to get my mind off of all the weird questions that Kuroo and the team had been asking me. No matter how many times I ran them through my head, I just couldn't seem to make any sense of it.

For a brief moment, I thought about asking Lev about it. Maybe he could shed some light on his teammates' antics... but as I opened my mouth to say something, the words just didn't form. It probably wouldn't have helped anyway. If I couldn't understand it, then what could possess me to think that the guy that I'd been tutoring all this time would?

On the walk back to my house, Lev was unusually quiet. Did he hear his teammates after all? Was he as confused about it as I was? No... it couldn't be that... Lev would have straight up asked them before we'd left if he had heard them.

What could have been on his mind? Whatever it was, it had to be something serious to make him be this quiet. Maybe it was something to do with volleyball. Or maybe this was that one time when he saw that I had something on my mind and was letting me have some quiet time to think about it... but I seriously doubted it.

Soon enough though, we reached home and prepared to study.

I entered my room, moving to set SB on my desk... only to find that I wasn't holding SB... SB was already on my desk. Only then did I realize, I'd completely forgotten to take SB with me that morning. No one had said a single word about it... surely someone had to have noticed... right?

Shaking it off, I set my bag down and began pulling out the notes for today. "Ready to study, Lev?"

Lev gave me his usual smile and instantly I forgot all about everything weird about the day. In all the craziness that this guy dragged me into, it was a relief to have even just one thing that felt normal.

"Hey Reisa," Lev hummed, distracting the both of us from studying. "Am I actually cute?"

That was out of nowhere. "Yeah... I guess... Why?"

Lev looked up at my ceiling. "Some second years were telling me I was, but like I don't see it."

If he didn't sound so calm, I'd have thought he was just trying to brag. To be honest though, what point would there be in bragging to me about that? To his guy friends, sure, but not me. "Well, mom did call you handsome, so it's not like it'd be a lie. You're good-looking. Just take the compliment and don't question it."

Lev set the book he had open off to the side. "What do you think?"

"About what?"

"Me." He made it sound like it was that obvious. "Am I cute? Or am I handsome?"

What was with today and weird questions? "Why can't you be both?" It made no sense to me why it even mattered.

Lev frowned. "But they're so different! Cute is like a little kid! Or like Hello Kitty!" He moved forward, closer to me. "Handsome is like... like..." He struggled for a moment to come up with some comparison. "Like Kuroo! Yeah! He'd be like handsome and then cute is like... like Shibayama!"

I still didn't get why it really mattered. "It's not like it matters to me if you're handsome or you're cute... you're still Lev either way."

He stopped for a minute and thought about it. "I think that I'd rather be handsome than cute though..."

I couldn't help but laugh a little. "You could have just said that from the beginning you know."

He went quiet for a moment, thinking again. "Hey, Reisa?"

"Hm?"

"Do you like me?"

The question reminded me of Kuroo's questions from earlier. Did I seem like I hated Lev or something? "Of course I like you. I wouldn't study with you if I didn't like you..."

If I'd known then just how oblivious I was being, I probably would have answered things differently... or at least, I would like to think that I would have had a better answer for him. Chances were, nothing would have really changed about that moment even if I had known.

Lev reached over, putting his hands on mine. "I like you, Reisa." His eyes met with mine, staring at me, the tiniest hint of a blush on his cheeks.

Before I'd even had a chance to process what was going on, my back was pressed again the soft fabric of my bed. Lev hovered just above me, hands pinning my wrists down. One knee rested between my legs.

I opened my mouth to speak, but I never had a chance. Something soft and warm pressed gently against my lips. Even though it made my heart race, it also confused me. It was an unfamiliar feeling to me.

After a moment, Lev backed up and stared down at me. The look in his eyes was different than usual. Normally it was a playful, almost childish gleam. Now, now it was anything but that. Passion mixed with something much darker... It was almost scary how different it was.

"Lev?" My voice came out much colder than I intended. I'd only meant it to sound like innocent curiosity, but it came out as more of a what-the-hell-stop-that sort of tone. Maybe this was why I didn't have friends. "What are you doing?"

He stared down at me, the expression on his face was one of shock. In his eyes, it was clear even to me that he was hurting. Though the reason as to why was one that evaded me.

I wanted to ask what was wrong, but no words came. No matter how much I wanted to say something, anything to get him back to that sweet, happy, playful boy Lev that I know. But nothing happened. I didn't even know what face I was making.

Lev never answered my question and quickly climbed off of me. Taking a few steps backward, he didn't even say a word. He turned and walked away, giving me one last heartbreaking glance over his shoulder.

It wasn't until after Lev was gone that I realized that he'd just kissed me. And knowing that made me feel even worse.