Shades Of Purple

Chapter 11 - I wish I wasn't this lonely

RAGHVANSH'S POV:

The hot stream of water falls on my back, and I let out a whimper because of the way it is stinging me. Irked and in pain, I turn the knob off. Ambling out of my walk-in shower, I throw my towel on the bed.

31 years. In the last thirty-one years, I have never felt this needy. I close my eyes to recollect how the girl at the hospital was pouting. How adorable she looked when doing so. My jaw clenches as the image crossed my mind. No one ever has had that effect on me. I never let anyone affect me this way.

Instantly, I am reminded of her woeful deep brown orbs. They weren't just beautiful; they were expressing something that made me want to hold her and protect her forever. What's happening to me? Why can't I understand what's going on?

Frustrated and nettled, I punch the wall and sit on my bed. The skin on my knuckles reddens due to the impact, and it’s painful too, but not more than my heart.

I need some fresh air. Making way to my balcony, I take a deep breath.

Maybe I'm just overreacting. It's nothing, probably. I should give myself some time and figure out why this sudden emotion crept within me.

"It's just a phase, right?" I say as I look at the stars. "It doesn't feel good. I don't feel like myself. I'm not weak. I don't need anyone in my life. I've been alone since I was a kid, and it's always going to be the same. This attraction towards the girl is temporary, right? It can't be serious."

The stars twinkle as if agreeing to every word I uttered a few moments ago.

I breathe heavily and make my way to the kitchen to prepare something for myself. Yes, I did have a cook, but he was getting on my nerves, so I fired him, and I can't help but regret it now.

I put a tablespoon of olive oil, add some frozen eatables, and mix them up with a bowl of rice. Then, I sit on the dining table-cum-bar counter. My gaze involuntarily goes to only find no one in front of me, and I bite my lower lip to prevent a sob from escaping my mouth.

I wish I weren’t this lonely. I wish even I had someone who could be with me during my low times, hug me and say that it's going to be okay. I wish I had someone whom I could celebrate with after accomplishing something, and I wish I can hear them say that they're proud of me.

But I can't have anyone. No one's unlucky enough to be destined with me. I won't let someone else suffer what I have all these years.

I taste the salty tears as they jog down my cheeks. I sit in complete silence, eating, and then place my plate in the dishwasher after I'm done with the dinner.

I go upstairs and check the schedule my manager has sent me for tomorrow.

GYM at 6:30 am
INDIA NEWS INTERVIEW at 10 am
COURT PRACTICE from 4 pm to 6 pm
FAN SIGNING EVENT at 7 pm

That's what my daily schedule looks like when I'm not on tours. I just returned from a tour yesterday. I guess there isn't another for like a month as we have IKL—Indian Kabaddi League. The auctions are coming up in the next fortnight.

Talking about Kabaddi, the popularity it has received in the last five years scares me. It probably began when India won the World Cup six years ago. I was the vice-captain back then. We won the final against Russia by the margin of 71 to 15, in which I scored 39 points, which is the highest by an individual in a single match.