Shades Of Purple

Chapter 33 - I want to die

PIHA'S POV:
[The next day ]
25th March

I place my head on mom's lap and she massages it for me.

"What ya Pihu? You look so excited today— I mean, of course, it's Malaysia against us today but you aren't so delighted every matchday. Anything different today?" Di says wriggling her eyebrows and I glare at her.

At this rate— I'm sure she'll expose me someday.

I continue ignoring Di and Mom as they giggle and I frown- "Will you two stop, it's just that— it's been almost a month since our team last played and as usual, I'm super pumped up to see Kaushal play."

I lie and mom shakes her head in dissatisfaction.

"Pihu, what time is your shift tomorrow?" She asks as she taps her fingers on my forehead.

"Six-thirty in the morning, Mummy (Mom), though the surgery is scheduled for eight a.m."

She huffs- "Pihu. You know right your schedule will tight from now onwards given that you're working as a surgeon and after your post-graduation too. It won't necessarily be a nine-to-five job, there will be days— when you won't even get sleep for a few hours, when you'll have to operate on a patient for hours empty stomach that too without breaks. Are you ready for it Piha? You give yourself to this field?"

I smile at her and her tensed body relaxes- "Yes Mom, I don't mind not sleeping for days, not eating for days, working on a stranger for hours. I'm ready to do every single thing which helps me complete Roman's dream, which gives him peace. He's always made me happy, then isn't this what I should be doing?"

"I'll do everything it takes to make him joyous, to bring a smile on his face. So that he actually rests in peace." I say as a lone tear escapes my eye and I straighten myself from the sleeping position.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying my doll." Dad hurries up to where we're sitting.

He cups my face and I bury my face in his chest as I begin to weep- "I-I shouldn't have let him go. Wh..why did I have to graduate that day, why didn't h..he have any surgery lined up that day? I wi-wish everything was just a nightmare."

I feel him stroke my hair as he says- "Pihu, we would bring him back if we could, right? But we can't, we can't decide everything happening around us— maybe life had something else planned out for him."

"D..dad what plan? For giving him the suffering he's never deserved. How much ever I pray, how much ever I beg– h..he just won't come back. People say right — 'you go to God when you die and only there you can meet your loved ones', then I want to go to God too."

"I want to die."

___________________

Grabbing the bowl of popcorn from the dining table, I make myself comfortable on the divan (a bed consisting of a base and mattress but no footboard or headboard) and watch both the teams on TV screen get ready for raid one which will be Malaysias' as they won the toss and decided to raid first.

The umpire blows the whistle and Najib Yassin, Malaysia's raider, crosses the mid-line causing the crowd to roar in enthusiasm and my attention involuntarily drifts to Ansh, formerly known as Raghvansh Sir.

I giggle and continue to watch Ansh— who's holding Rizwan Siddiqui's hand forming the centre chain.

Good. Now I can watch him all I want without feeling like a creep as he won't be able to sense my stare.

He looks hot, Piha. What nonsense? Why would I call him hot? Narrowing my gaze, I look at him as he asserts something to Rizwan beside him, his jersey sticking to his torso— giving a rough outline of his physique and sweat dripping down his forehead.