Preferably In Bed Sheets

19/02

I woke to an empty hand, in an empty bed, in an empty room. I don't know why that made me feel so bad, but it did. It felt so different last night to now. I shouldn't dwell on it, Jessie is probably in the kitchen or something. I should see him, I should tell him how I feel. The feeling of panic sunk in my stomach like an anchor.

I flattened my hair with my hand and threw one of Jessie's clean shirts on. It was my favourite one of his; an OneRepublic tee with 'I SWEAR I LIVED' in rainbow writing. It smelt like his familiar warm smell. I tightened my hand around the door handle before finally deciding to push it down and face Jessie.

I'm ready, we're ready. I repeat in my head, again and again and again.

In the kitchen, Chad was standing over the oven in his uniform, frying bacon and tomatoes in a pan. Jessie was lurking over an half eaten bacon butty, a black coffee in one hand and his dark eyes reflecting the light of his phone in the other. He turned as he felt my presence in the room.

"Good morning, sorry I didn't wanna wake you. Have a nice sleep?" Jessie questioned chirpily for someone who should have the world's worst hangover.

I nodded silently, biting my bottom lip. I didn't realise how hungry I was until now. My stomach made a dying whale noise, saying feed me, feed me! On que, a bacon butty was placed on the counter with a few tomatoes on the side.

"Thanks Chad," I said, grabbing the plate and sitting next to Jessie.

"No problem, I figured we could lurk you out with bacon, and it worked. What was the deal with yesterday?"

"Paige problems. She got back with Robin yesterday so of course a party had to be thrown to celebrate. What time do you have work?" I asked.

Bitting into his butty, Chad eyed his watch, his eyes widening. He put his shoes on half hopping, grabbing his keys and other men things. It was quite a humorous sight watching Chad rush around the flat. He muttered a bye, before slamming the door shut. Then there was two.

Jessie locked his phone, and turned all his attention on me. He examined my appearance; my messy undone hair, my makeup less face, his shirt. Usually if someone looked at me this way, I'd get nervous and self-conscious, but Jessie does it so much it'd be strange if he suddenly stopped. It's his way of taking people in.

"So..," he trailed off.

"So... why does Chad always have to work Sundays?" I was putting off the real conversation. The big conversation. How would I even start it?

Do you wanna date?

That just sounds too... bland? Is bland the word? After Jessie finishes telling the story of Chad's boss who puts Chad on all the shitty hours because Chad done the dirty with his daughter, I'll tell him.

"...Anyways, are you ok?" Jessie asks, noticing me peeling the crusts off of my bread.

Here goes nothing Delilah.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking back to my birthday. Do you remember-"

Beep, beep.

Jessie's phone interrupted. We both glanced down at the phone, him picking it up and holding it to his chest. He looked at me with wide eyes and a blank face, like a deer caught in headlights.

"You can take it," I said, trying my best to sound confident, although only a fool would believe me.

"I should, but I'll be right back. Do you remember, right," he said, escaping to his bedroom to answer the phone.

I felt like an idiot. Not only because I am one but because I should have sensed it last night. Obviously that's why Jessie was acting odd. Obviously she's why Jessie was acting odd.

Katie fucking Johnstone.

Jessie didn't move his phone fast enough, as I could visibly see the picture of her pearly white teeth gleaming. Her dip dyed hair curled into wavy lengths and her winged eyeliner enhancing her hazel eyes. There was a reason Jessie was so hung up on her, apart from her dimpled smile and perfectly shaped eyebrows, and if she's calling him, it's not for a good reason.

I tried listening into the conversation but Jessie was talking in hush whispers, it must have been something he defiantly doesn't want me to hear. That hurt a little. We don't keep secrets. I've told him more things than Paige and Alex.

After what felt like a lifetime, although it was only two minutes, Jessie came out looking torn and shaggy. A completely different person I was talking to three minutes ago.

He ran his hands through his too long hair, which I was beginning to like, and set his phone down on the table. He looked despaired and I wanted nothing more than to change that. He leaned over the table, prompted by his elbows.

I considered putting my hand on his shoulder or even hugging him, but questioned if that would be too hasty. After a couple of minutes, Jessie pushed himself off the table, grabbing his wallet, phone and keys, completely ignoring my questions of," What are you doing" or "Where are you going".

He quietly said he had to go in that baby voice he had spoken in last night. He pulled a black leather jacket around himself before slamming the brown door closed behind him.

Then there was one.