Preferably In Bed Sheets

30/06

I blew out the cherry scented candle I had lit a few hours ago to relax me while I packed for Italy. I was leaving tomorrow and I don't think I could be anymore excited. In less than 24 hours I'll be on a plane to Rome to spend the summer drawing. The last thing I had to pack was my drawings. The institute wanted to view all the students work in person, to compare the beginning to the end. I wanted to pick out my best pieces, ensuring that I'm impressing the tutors. 

I flicked through my art file, pulling out pieces I did for school before the finishing year which showed off my different techniques. It's so surreal to think that all my work is going to Italy. It's definitely something I never ever expected. I kept looking through the file until my fingers curled around a drawing I haven't thought about since I drew it. I lightly ran my fingertips over the penciled robin I drew back on the December afternoon. Those eyes, those mischief eyes. 

Holding the page, I dreamily walked out to the fire escape to get the strangest deja vu. I sat on my window sill, remembering where the robin hopped about. I remembered feeling the pain of my mother's shouts which led me to come and sit in the cold. I remember the screams I belted when I needed to let the stress out. I remember kissing and hugging Jessie, crying over him and talking to him on the steps between our levels. I remember every single time being out here with Jessie and longing to be out here with him like the first time we met. I wanted to see his mischief eyes. 

I wiped away the tears I didn't even realize were running down my face. It's stupid to think we could even have those moments again. The rare ones where we could spill out our guts and share our deepest thoughts with one another yet know they would be safe. We'd keep them as air inside a balloon with the string tied tightly around the railing of this fire escape.

I ran my fingers over the drawing once more to feel everything like a did that first day. The coldness the calmness. The seconds before my life was permanently flipped upside down.

"That's pretty good," a voice from above startled me.

A push of warm air followed the exchange of looks between the dark mischief eyes and the light blue pair. They never stopped looking at one another as the tall boy approached the window sill from the level above, towering over me so simply.

"Hello, I'm Jessie and you are still more beautiful than ever," he said, extending his hand and waiting on me to shake it.

I wanted to but I was also afraid of the reaction our hands would make it they touched. But at the same time, how could I not want to touch him?

Taking his hand I said, "I'm Delilah Moon and I've missed you."

The faintest smile that grazed his face drove the beats of my heart to create its own song. It felt like his was too as he dragged me to my feet and embraced me in a much needed hug. I had so many questions for him I didn't even know which to ask first. My fingers traced his back making me realise all my questions didn't need answers.

I think the problem is that I thought everything was as easy as the universe sending signs to lead me in my path. It would answer all my unasked questions and I'd listen to whatever bull it fed me. I never stopped to think I don't need to know everything.

"I'm so sorry for everything, Jessie. I was stupid and I really wanted you all along. It just took me too long to realise. And it's funny now because again it's too late. I'm leaving for Italy tomorrow. I know it mightn't mean anything now but I just wanted to say that you're the little piece of me I'm going to keep forever. You're in my heart. I should probably finish packing now. I don't want to leave it late."

I looked up to him. He's so spectacular. He's such a spectacular human being. I don't know how someone like him can exist. It's like the sun only exists to compete against him and he still wins because it's Jessie. The best of the best. The most important person and the core of everything for infinity.

Jessie nodded understanding. He sat on my window sill, still holding my hand.

"Can you stay for just a moment longer?"

"If I do, I might never leave."

Would that be such a bad thing? Throughout the past six months I've lied, I've been selfish and selfless, tried to keep peace while igniting the fire.

"Sit with me for a minute, go pack and I'll be waiting on you. Of course I'll wait on you. Do something for yourself Delilah but please come back for me. Don't forget about me."

Ha. Like I ever could forget about Jessie. Six months isn't long but it's long enough to make me realise that there is a thing called soulmates and I've met mine. I placed one hand on his stubble and my other at the back of his neck. I touched his skin like it was the most delicate object on the planet. I moved closer so that I could plant the most perfect kiss on his lips. I kissed him like it was my last ever kiss. In some ways it was. It was the last of me thinking I'll ever get anyone else because everything I've ever wanted is right in front of me. I looked at my bags behind Jessie's head, then really looked at Jessie. My forever starts now.