Preferably In Bed Sheets

21/06

Harrison's hand kept slipping down on the lilac material on my back. I couldn't tell if it was intentional or just because the tulle under the lace made it hard to grip. It didn't matter, the song was going to be finished in a second anyways and I'd decline another dance invitation from Harrison if he asked because he's a terrible dancer. 

Once the band stopped playing, I made an excuse to Harrison that I needed to get air and asked him to grab me a drink. I made my way towards the balcony, glad the hot summer night was wearing a cooling sea air breeze coat. Martha sure knows how to pick the best destinations. This hotel overlooked the sea with the moon reflecting perfectly on the shallow waves. It truly was beautiful.

"What are you doing out here by yourself?" I turned to see Martha, standing beautifully in her ivory embroidered wedding dress. I don't think I've ever seen something more spectacular in my life. 

"Just needed a bit of air. What are you doing?"

"I needed a little time with my sister. Do you know how sore my cheeks are from having to smile so much. Andrea's family has a thing with pictures. He actually wanted to talk to you about something but I'll let him tell you. Where is Harrison?"

She looked back into the family filled room. I don't think I've ever seen so many of my family gathered in the one place. I can't say I'm surprised though, Martha has always been the favourite grandchild and niece. Probably because she made something of herself being an art consultant for a chain of hotels. The hotels are situated in nearly every country including Italy. That's how Martha met Andrea, a receptionist there. 

"He's getting me a drink. Where's your husband?"

"Oh that's a weird new label. I like it," Martha giggled. She eyed up the room until finding her groom with a little girl swinging in his arms as he was talking to our grandmother. She beamed at him with a light in her eyes saying, "I really love that man."

I could see it too. I was jealous of what Martha had. Her and Andrea's love is so pure and natural, the rarity of it would make the sun jealous. I spotted Harrison at the bar, struggling to get served with the other guests fighting for a drink. I wonder if I will grow to love Harrison in the same way as Martha. 

"Delilah, can I ask you something?"

I switched my attention to my sister, her face looking detailed and serious. I turned to fully face her, my hip resting on the railing of the balcony. She mirrored my actions, taking my hands into hers. 

"Are you happy here? Call me stupid, but I don't think you really are. I know you've been with Harrison for four months and that's really long in teenage years but sometimes it seems superficial. The last thing I'd want is for you to end up missing out on something amazing because you settled for something safe. Remember your birthday? That day, you were possibly the happiest I've ever seen you. And we both know why."

Of course we do. I didn't think it was that obvious that I was miserable inside but Martha has always been able to see through me like glass. I haven't spoken to him since that day on the fire escape. The day he told me to pick him. 

I seen him once afterwards. I was on the fire escape, hiding from my mum and he stepped out for a smoke. As soon as our eyes latched, a dark gloominess showered the atmosphere and we both knew. In that moment we knew that it shouldn't have to be so hard to be together if we were meant to be. Although he was my first love, we're never going to be together because we just aren't made for each other. The answer was always there, but it's not the one we wanted. 

He left that day. He left a text with Robin that he'll see him for exams but he's staying with his parents for the rest of the school year. Three months ago. Robin said that he seemed okay in the exams but he never really got to say more to him than passing greetings. I don't know which was worst. Him leaving so I couldn't see his pain or him leaving so he couldn't see mine.