because he didn't love me

how i stopped hurting myself

Dear diary,

I stopped hurting myself.

It's been a month

The scars are still rather clear but some of the very first ones are fading

Also I've decided I'm not going to hide them

Tomorrow I'm going to show all the boys and I know all of them apart from Harry have seen them and know about them but I'm going to ask them to be there for support incase I get upset or something

It's time to sleep now so I'll let you know how it goes....I'm so scared I hope I'm doing the right thing.

Hi, I forgot to keep writing, Harry came in and we ended up falling asleep and I completely forgot about this anyways I guess it's time.

He put the book down and went into Liam's room where all the other boys were apart from Harry. "I'm going to tell everyone about my scars and I know you guys know that they are there but Harry doesn't know anything and I don't want him to know that you know so when I say about it act shocked or something" Louis explained quickly knowing Harry would be there soon.

Harry walked in "what's going on?" He asked as he saw all the boys just sat listening to Louis. "Uh well I actually have something I need to tell you guys" Louis mumbled, "oh, is everything okay" Harry said looking worried as he sat down next to Zayn, "It will be soon" Louis replied.

"I've been struggling a lot recently, well actually for a while now. It's okay I'm getting help and I've been going to therapy but I want to be open with you guys about what I've been doing to myself" Louis explained, "I've been cutting quite a bit and I have managed to stop and the scars are starting to fade but I don't want to have to hide my body from you guys so I thought it was best I told you all before you see them so it's not a shock" he continued.

Before anyone could say anything he stood up "I know I just kinda didn't explain much and you probably need time to process it or I don't know if you have questions or something but I just umm I just need a minute by myself" he rushed out quickly before leaving Liam's hotel room and going back to the one him and Harry had been staying in.

He sat on the bed holding his knees up to his chest as he closed his eyes, he knew Zayn, Liam and Niall knew about this and had seen the scars but Harry didn't know anything would he be mad about it. He heard the door open but he kept his eyes shut. As the person walked towards the bed he knew it was Harry, he felt him get onto the bed, he sat next to Louis and rested his head on Louis' shoulder.

"Do you want to talk or should we just sit here in silence" Harry asked quietly, Louis remained silent as he tried not to start crying, "I don't mind" he finally whispered. "Okay, we can just sit here for a bit" Harry replied, and that's what they did, they sat on the bed completely in silence other than them breathing slowly. It was rather peaceful but inside both their heads it was far from peaceful.

"Are you mad at me?" Louis finally asked breaking the silence, Harry looked over at him "of course not, why would I be mad" He asked. "I don't know" Louis mumbled just trying to keep his tears back. "Lou" Harry whispered quietly, Louis once again looked back over to Harry, "Is it okay if I see them?" He asked softly. Louis stood up, Harry was scared he went too far "I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable" Harry rushed out.

Louis took off the hoodie and top he was wearing, Harry gasped quietly as he saw that both his arms and his stomach were covered in cuts all varying in length and depth. Louis sighed before also undoing his jeans and pushing them down enough for Harry to see the cuts that covered his thighs. Harry stood up and walked over with tears in his eyes, he stopped in from of Louis and just pressed his forehead against Louis'.