Love Is For The Weak | BTS reverse harem/poly-relationship au .

I can not end up like her

Tiara POV.

That's when I finally realize how much these boys mean to me, they've made me smile, laugh, cackle, have fun, and just be myself and happy. The moments were catching up to me and i had to leave before it was too late.

I want all of them.

But I can not be with them. Eventually they will get tired of me, if something bad happens it will be my fault. I can not be put in such situation. They will start to notice that my skin is too dark, they will notice how thick my thighs are and how wide my hips are, they will notice every single imperfection and use it against me. My dad did it to my mom, and now she's always unhappy and depressed when he's around. I can't handle more pain, I'll go insane.

I hold my head as flashbacks of my mom's warnings and my dad's strict rules came crashing down on me.

"When you graduate university and become a doctor you must find a nice rich man, buy a house, and have 3 kids!" He yelled

"Men of these day are dogs, they will use you and find every reason to blame you!" She yelled with tears in her eyes

"Don't be like other girls, use your brain! Love is for idiots, the only thing love will bring you is babies and problems!" Mommy said

"When you start liking someone, run away!" She yelled

"Promise me you won't end up like me!"

I can not end up like her.

I quickly compose myself, and impulsively say words that I know I will regret saying the second I leave the dorm.

"Fuck off. Never touch my shit again... And delete my number too." I say as I snatch my crutches back from him. 

I look at them one more time and I wish I didn't, they look so hurt. I didn't mean to cause you this much pain. 

I'm just like him, hurting people when all they did was want to love me. It's hurting, i don't know what this feeling is but It's unbearable. 

I couldn't look any longer and hopped out of their dorm. As I hopped out it felt like the glass was tipping, slowly allow the water slip away... I was feeling empty again, I was feeling alone.

I solemnly walked into my dorm, and into my room. I quickly kicked off my sneakers and crawled into my bed. Everything that happened had rushed into my head, and before i knew it tears had started rolling down my cheeks.

"I-i'm sorry I c-can't... love you..."

...

6 WEEKS. 

I moved out of the apartment the boys got for me, I just couldn't bear the idea of leeching off them. They've tried to contact me multiple times since then but I just couldn't bring myself to respond. I feel terrible. 

Did it hurt when I left? Absolutely. But not as much as it would have hurt to be disappointed because they're just like everyone else. I have to move on with my life, just keeps it pushing. I'm working extra hard in dance and choreography, working on songs for hours, anything to distract me from my once again dry and empty cup, life, and soul. I miss them though. 

"Tiara... Are you alright? You seem very exhausted lately." Mrs. M asks.

"Oh... I just... I mean, yea I'm fine."

"Why are you stopping yourself from talking to me? You are like a daughter to me, how could you lie like that? It's obvious your not okay, and it's frustrating me that you aren't talking to me."

"I'm sorry Mrs. M but my problems are trivial. Nothing important."

"Tiara, if it's bothering you then it's obviously important."

"Mrs. M... I just did something i kind of regret and I don't know-" I took a deep breathe and contemplated.

If I tell her this story, then I'll have to tell her what caused me to make that decision. Am I really ready to talk about this?

"Lovely?" She said stroking my hair.

"I- I hurt some people's feelings... We were best friends, and then they began to feel other wise. When they said that I realized that I was starting to feel that way too. And so I ran from them. I also said some hurtful things. And it's really weighing on me because I'm actually feeling something for someone, and that's... scary. I'm working hard to distract myself, if I'm left unoccupied I could do something impulsive. For example call them and tell them what I'm telling you and I'll just be making the same mistake she did. And I promised to never ever do that."

"You promised to never make what mistake? You promised to never love someone?"

"I promised to never set myself up for a life time of hurting."

"Lovely... I don't know who or what gave you this perspective of love but I want you to know that you never know until you try."

"The thing is I don't want to know. I don't want everything she said to be a part of my nightmares as well."

"Who is "she"." 

Should I tell her? But I promised Namjoon that he would the first person to go to when I'm ready. I'm ready, at least I think i am.

Fuck it, might as well get this off my chest.

But Tiara you are a woman of your word since when did we not keep our word. 

"I promised that he would be the first one to open up about this to." I mumbled

"Then call him," she said throwing my phone at me.

"What if I accidentally..."

"Tiara! I hate seeing you like this, can you please just talk to someone. Please." She said with a hoarse voice and tears pooling in her eyes.

"O-okay Mrs. M. Just please don't cry." I said sadly smiling at her. Truth be told I really just wanted to cry with her, but I can't do that. I'm not worth crying over.

I gave her a warm hug and headed up to my dorm.

A/N: Whew chile this girl Tiara is pissing me off, just talk to em dammit. Next chapter is a whole lotta, whole lotta, get your tea cups ready. cuz the girl is ready to spill.