Avengers: Jr. Stark (Avengersxteen)

Chapter 18

My eyes slowly fluttered open and instead of being in a bright hospital room I'm in a car?

Sam is driving the car with Steve on my left acting as my pillow.

"Steve what happened?" I whisper.
"We took you to the hospital, and they fixed up the cut on your neck and readjusted your shoulder. We're taking you home to the medbay because you'll be more comfortable there okay."

I just nod my head yawning, in the moment wanting nothing more than to fall back asleep.

"Get some rest. We'll talk once we get to the compound."
I slowly nod off completely oblivious to Steve and Sam's conversation. I regain consciousness just as Sam pulls into the garage of the compound.

"The med bay is this way." Steve says guiding me towards the hospital wing. I sit down on the bed and wait for Steve to say or do something.

"So you said you remember?" He asks looking me in the eyes.

"I uh, yeah I think I remember some things. Some of its random and still a little fuzzy but I remember things."

"Like what?"

"Oh um remember the time Sam lost a bet and had to take all of the leaves in the yard. And once he finished you Peter Bucky and I just ran through all his piles. He was so pissed. Or when we went to see a movie and play laser tag, Peter and Clint somehow got on top of the obstacles and Nat scared Clint and he fell. He broke his arm from that, and he pouted like a little child because he couldn't do archery for 6 weeks. I remember helping Bruce in the lab and playing pranks on everyone. Or trying to play tag with Pietro, it was a losing game on my end."

Steve and I were both laughing quietly.

"I remember the accident." I mumble quietly, my voice trailing off towards the end. "And I remember the funeral and all the bad shit that came afterwards." My voice starts to shake as I'm on the verge of tears. Steve sits next to me and just hugs me rubbing my back.

"Steve?"
"Yeah doll?"
"Was I like the Winter Soldier?" I ask quietly. Before Steve can even get a word out I cut him off, "and don't lie to me Rogers."

"Well technically yes, I guess. But it wasn't your fault you had no control."

"But Steve I hurt people. I fucking killed people. They're dead because of me. God what have I done." I subconsciously get off the bed and start pacing the length of the hospital room.

"Jr, please just come sit down. We'll talk it through."
"But Steve look what I've done."
"Jr it wasn't your fault, please just listen to me."

I reluctantly sit back down just staring at the floor.

"Let me ask you a question, do you love your dad?"
"What kind of question was that, of course I love my dad!"
"Okay, what about Bucky? Me? How about Nat?"
"Yes of course I love you guys. What kinds of questions are these Steve?"
"We have all hurt or killed people, accidents or not. I'm not saying it's something to be proud of but we are all okay now. So please, I know it's going to take some time but you'll be okay. I promise."

I just sit on the bed swinging my legs slightly. I stared at the ground as if something magical was going to happen.

"Why don't we go watch a movie with the team?" Steve suggest already getting up.

"Sounds fine I guess." Steve and I head to the common room to find everyone sprawled out on the couches and the floor. Clint and Nat had created a little blankets fort on the floor. Dad and Pepper were cuddling on one end of the couch while Wanda and Pietro fought on the other side. Bruce was lying in a recliner and Peter was sitting in a little web hammock he made. Thor and Loki took their seats shortly after.

"Steve where's Bucky?" I ask his nervous when I didn't see the super soldier.
"He's resting Jr."
"Why does he need to rest? Is he hurt? Did something happen to him?"
Steve brought me into the kitchen so we wouldn't disturb the movie.

"Jr he's fine.... he's just been."
"Steve spit it out!" I yell tears bubbling in my eyes.
"Jr he was in a coma."
"W-what? I-I don't understand."
"Listen to me." But before Steve could explain anything else I ran to his room to find him peacefully resting on his bed. Steve came running after me and saw me breakdown at his bedside.

"What happened?"
"Do you remember the day you were sent on a mission to the compound? With your team?"

"Kind of, maybe."

"Bucky lost a lot of blood and suffered some extensive head trauma. He's been in a coma since."

My eyes steadily fill with tears as I look at Bucky just lying on the bed. I turn around looking at Steve silently begging for him to let me have some sort of contact with Bucky.

He nods and I sit next to Bucky on the bed. I rest my head on his chest listening to the steady heartbeat.

"I'm sorry I hurt him Steve. I didn't mean to."
"I know you didn't. He's going to be okay, both of you are. Now let's let him rest, we have a movie to go watch."

"I'm tired Steve I'm probably just going to go to bed."
"Okay no problem. You know where I am if you need me. Goodnight Jr."
"Night Steve." I say giving a half hearted wave and shutting my door.

As soon as I head the putter patter of Steve's footsteps fade away I break down. Not only was I Hydra's personal puppet but I hurt the people I loved too.

⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️

I frantically rummaged my room finding Bucky's pocket knife I had hidden months ago. I made my way into my connecting bathroom and made sure to lock the door.  It took a second to stop my hands from shaking so much. Once I regained my composure I slowly placed the cool blade of the knife on my thigh. I retracted my hand quickly forging a deep gash in my thigh. The familiar sting of blade on skin was almost calming. The crimson blood flowed from my leg into the bathtub staining the sides a light pink. The thoughts on my head were running a million miles an hour, a constant reminder of what I did wrong.

You're a monster
Cut
You hurt people
Cut
Bucky is in a coma because of you
Cut
Your family hates you
Cut
You don't deserve anything good anymore
Cut
You're a failure
Cut
Waste of space
Cut
You've killed people
Cut

I started to get dizzy from the blood loss. I turned the shower on and rinsed the tub down making sure to get rid of any evidence. The bleeding had slowed to a stop and I quickly wrapped my thighs in gauze.  I threw on some sweats and a hoodie before crawling into bed and attempting to fall asleep.