Memories Of Your Love [BRIGHTWIN]

chapter 1

I am sitting in an orchid. The fresh fragrance of musk and yellow freecias fill my nosetrils. I see him, walking towards me, in his blue shirt, looking like an angel. We are happy, it seems. And then, a white light blazes my eyes and I see his pale skin covered with my blood. He starts fading in air and when he vanishes, I see a red dahlia in my hands. I scream.

"Tine!!!"

"Sarawat? Honey what happened?"

I got up hysterically and felt the dampness on my forehead, my hands and on my back. It was still dark and my heart was palpitating heavily. I swallowed the bile forming up in my throat and looked at Molly who was gazing at me cautiously.

"I'm fine", I said, "nightmares again."

She held my hand and scooted closer, "it's okay baby. I'm here."

I nodded and wiped beads of sweat on my face. I grabbed the bottle kept on the nightstand and gulped water aggressively. It was a bad sign, this dream. It had been long since I had one, perhaps months. I thought I had overcome my trauma.

"Honey?"

"I'm fine", I snapped, " let's sleep."

Molly took my face in her hands and pecked my lips a little. She kept giving little pecks before kissing me deeply. I returned the kisses reluctantly for I was not in mood. I would never be. However, she kept kissing me as she grazed her hand down my body, reaching to my member and palming it softly.

"Molly", I said breaking the kiss and removing her hand from my body. She tried to lean me down on bed and I kept dodging her. I hated when she would act like she didn't know what was I going through. I got up from the bed, grabbed my pillow and as I made my way to the threshold of the gate, she said, almost weeping, "why Sarawat? Why do you not love me anymore?"

I sighed. At this point of my life, I couldn't decide who did I hate more. Myself for not loving her like that. Or her for not accepting that I would never give her what she wanted. I came back and sat next to her.

"Ssh", I hugged her and caressed her back, "who said I don't love you, huh? You are my best friend. I just need time to start loving you like my wife."

"It's been five years already."

"I know", I interrupted, "I am sorry Molly. I've told you so many times and I'll say it again", I wiped her tears and looked at her, "even kissing you feels so wrong because to me, you're still the sister I never had."

She started crying bitterly and I knew if I did not comfort her soon, Rain would wake up.

"Molly I promise I'm trying. If I fell in love with you once, I'm sure I'll fall again. Just give me time. Please."

She stopped crying and hugged me tightly, "don't leave me Sarawat. Please don't hate me."

"Ssh", I patted her back gently, "I won't leave you. Just promise me you won't hurt yourself or me by forcing me again."

She nodded like a scolded child and I chuckled. I switched off the lamp and waited till she slept before I went to the balcony where a sky full of stars and thoughts was waiting for me.

Molly was my best friend. She had always been since we were kids. And even though I always cared for her so much, it was never in a romantic way which is why, I was more than shocked when they told me we were married, Molly and I. It was not my fault anyway. How could anybody expect a guy like me to wake up out of a deep sleep that stole all my memories of past four years and then fill me with new memories? How could they expect me to believe I married my best friend when we were just twenty one? I remember I asked Molly if something forced us into the marriage for I had never liked her in that way. Not in the moments I remember.

However, when one's own memories fade, it's hard to decide what's the truth. Five years had passed and I was still trying to get used to this life that looked more like a lie. Everyday, I would tell myself that miracles happen, things change, people change. Just like I did. But even though I chanted those words like a divine will, it never settled the storm under my skin. I was still getting used to the idea of being a husband, a father and most importantly, a man who did not know where did the two years of his life go. Who swallowed those memories? How long must I wait to remember the person I once was? And most importantly, who was Tine? Why would I take that name in my dreams? I asked everyone if they knew somebody with that name but nobody did. Not my grandparents, not my friend Mike, not Molly. And if that was the case, why had it been haunting me since the accident? I sighed as I leaned against the balcony, wondering if I'd ever find out my past.

It's not like my life was entirely a mess I couldn't bear. Yes, of all the things I had, most of them were the ones I never asked for. And yet, I couldn't feel more grateful for them. Rain was one such gift from this weird life that I was offered. When I came out of comma, Molly was three months pregnant and I still remember, the day Rain was born was the day I finally acknowledged the fact that this was my life. Rain was my life. She borrowed nothing from me in her physical appearance and so it was my responsibility to make sure she resembled me in behavioral aspects. I would take immense pride in the fact that all of her habits, her thoughts and even her likes reflected that of mine. She was closer to me in comparison with Molly. It's not like Molly wasn't a good mother. She was the best Rain could ask for. If not Molly, I couldn't be as good a father for my child as I was. It's just that Rain was the only reason I liked this life. She was the only person who didn't force me to become what she wanted me to be. She let me be. And she accepted me like that. Moreover, the day I held her for the first time in my arms, I vowed to myself that I will give her all the love a child could wish for from its father. I would give her the love I could never get from my parents. Death took them away from me too soon.I couldn't let that happen to Rain too.

I closed my eyes as I felt soft breeze tickle my throat like sweet champagne. I decided to sit there for other few minutes to clear my mind. May be it was time to let go of the lost memories. Even when without them, I would always feel like this, broken and incomplete.

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