STATUS

CHAPTER 28

Rafael

Naka busangot ang mukha ko habang tinitignan ang litrato. Sobrang naiinis ako. "Hijo" Nanlaki ang mata ko ng makarinig ako ng isang baritonong boses.

Sa sobrang pagka-baritono nito ay muntik ko ng kunin ang bato sa gilid ko at ihampas sa kanya "Putangina!" Mahinang mura ko dahil hindi ko alam kong titignan ko pa.

Mas pinili kong wag tumingin. Kingina kasi.

A moment of silence then occur so I decided to turn my head and finally look at the person who called but when I turned, there was no one there.

Instead, my gaze were fixed upon the little pond. And I realized, I'm in the heart of the forest.

Napalunok ako. My feet are glued in the ground. "Hijo"

My body went cold. Fuck! It's a fight or flight situation and I definitely choose flight.

"Putangina layuan moko!" Malakas na sabi ko bago nagtatakbo palayo. De bale na kung saan makarating basta makalayo lang ako sa punong iyon.

Hingal na hingal ako at konti nalang ay babagsak na. "Raf?" Pamilyar ang tinig nayon.

Ng makita ko si Trouble sa harapan ko ay napalitan ng inis ang pagod ko. Tinulungan nya ako pero imbes na tanggapin ay tinabig ko iyon.

Raf, rinig kong tawag nya pero hindi ko na sya nilingon. Ilang minuto akong lakad-takbo hanggang narating ko ang campsite.

"Attkinson san ka nanggaling? Kanina kapa namin hinahanap" Humingi ako ng pasensya sa guide "Sorry sir, I got lost in the woods"

"Next time, pumunta ka ng may kasama ha"

"Yes sir" Sagot ko bago sya umalis. "Raf" narinig ko nanaman ang boses ni Rafael kaya nag simulang mag init ang ulo ko but this time, I faced him.

"What happened to you? You totally ignored me kanina" Gusto ko syang murahin dahil sa inis ko.

I forced a smile "Pagod lang ako" I lied. I don't want him to keep asking. I'm not in the mood to deal with this right now.

"I'll go ahead" Sabi ko sakanya at pumunta sa tent. Bigla rin akong nakaramdam ng sakit ng ulo.

How can he be so insensitive. He talked about his ex in front of me.

Galit na galit pa sya ng mapagkamalan nyang may relasyon kami ni Philipp pero sya 'tong mahal pa yung ex.

"Tol, okay kalang?" Napatingin ako kay Keisler. "Bakit?" Napakamot sya sa batok.

"Sa ekspresyon mong yan parang kaunti nalang ay mananapak kana" Napatigil ako ng ma realize ko ang ginagawa ko.

I squeezed the goddamn bottle in my hand dahilan para mabasa ako "Shit! Bakit di mo sinabi!" Inis na sabi ko at pinunasan ang basa kong damit.

"Baka kasi ako ang pag initan mo" Awkward syang ngumiti ng sinamaan ko sya ng tingin. Bago ko paman mabato sakanya ang water bottle ay kumaripas na sya ng takbo.

Napabuntong hininga ako at naglakad papunta sa bathroom ng mga lalaki. Kingina! Basa na ko.

Habang nag-bibihis ay naramdaman ko na may yumakap sakin sa likod. It was Trouble. Ang dating masama kong mood ay mas lalo pang sumama.

"Trouble, nagbibihis ako. Umalis ka muna" Hindi sya nakinig at nanatiling naka yakap sakin "Trouble bitaw sabi!" Dahil sa inis ay natulak ko sya ng malakas.

Halatang nagulat sya. I saw pain in his eyes. "What did I do?" Mahinang sabi nya habang nakayuko.

It struck me. I feel like bibigay na ako anytime soon. "I told you, I'm tired" He hugged me again.

I didn't utter a single thing and kept my expression cold "Then rest"

"Okay" Kumawala ako sakanya at nilagpasan sya. I went back to the tent. When I got there, I feel like my strength escaped my body.

Tears started to flow when I looked at their picture. I can see how happy he is. Those smiles,

I never saw it when he was with me.

...

"Guys let's line up!" Walang gana akong pumunta sa pinaka dulong linya. Another long trip to go back to the city.

"Raf" I yawned when I heard Trouble's voice again. "Hi Trouble" I tried to be the usual me as posible.

"What did I do wrong? Kahapon payan ah" I smiled at him and hold his arms just like I always do. "Wala nga. Tara na"

"Raf" May diing sabi nya "What? I'm really okay" Inakbayan ko sya at sabay kaming pumila.

I sighed secretely. I stopped my self from tearing up. I can't let people see especially him how weak I am.

You can say everything about me. Weak, gay, or pretender. You can say that but right know, is that I want this pain to go away.

"Dun tayo sa likod" Hinila ko sya papunta sa likod ng sasakyan "There we go. I'll sleep now"

Sa halip na sumandal sakanya ay sumandal ako sa bintana ng van. It's uncomfortable but I can manage.

The ride was rough. Minsan ay nauuntog ang ulo ko sa bintana ng van. Hindi na ako magtataka kung magkaka bukol to mamaya.

"Hey, you can lean on my shoul-" I didn't let him finish talking. "I fine, I can manage myself"

Kinuha ko ang neck pillow. It was still rough though.

Nagulat ako ng sapilitang hinila ni Trouble ang ulo ko papunta sa braso nya. I was still in shock but he didn't say anything. He even closed his eyes.

I started to move away from him but he glared at me "Don't try me Rafael Angelo" Tila inis na sabi nya.

Naramdaman ko ang mahigpit na pag hawak nya sa kamay ko "Hey, let go. My hand hurts" Napa-mulat sya at tinitigan ako

I didn't get any answers from him instead he kissed my forehead. "The fuck?" Salubong ang kilay ko at sinamaan sya ng tingin.

"I don't know what I did wrong but, I'm sorry" Mas lalo akong nainis. "I said, you didn't do anything wrong and I'm goddamn fine. If you're going to apologize, know first what you've done. It's not sincere when you apologize just because you felt like apologizing"

Tumayo ako at nag hanap ng ibang mauupuan. Katabi ni Keisler.