Forgive & Forget

Chapter Ten - Jenna

Don't know what's going on

You know, it's tempting. The thought of getting out of here, finally, be it running away or killing myself.

Don't know what went wrong

Right now, I can't concentrate on my homework. Or anything. I'm trapped in my mind in that space between collapsing on the floor and crying and holding myself together. It just doesn't feel real anymore. I don't feel anymore, again. Goddamn. I hated that feeling. It starts the cycle again.

Feels like a hundred years I

The truth is, I'm drowning. I put on a smile and I fake it through most of the day, but do you really know how I feel? Once, I stayed in the bathroom all recess just crying. This sucks. I'm trying to get better but I'm just getting worse. I'm pushing everything away. I'm acting like I have this all together but I'm worse than ever.

Still can't believe you're gone

So yes, maybe I'm dying inside. Maybe I'm slowly breaking down. Maybe I'm even thinking of ending it as I fake it and laugh. One person, two people, have caught on so far. That I'm not okay. That I'm never okay. But I still feel the need to lie to them and say, "oh yeah. my life's going great right now! I'm just tired." And yeah, maybe I am tired. Tired of being here.

So I'll stay up all night

It just sucks feeling like this. Regreting every bite you take. Seeing ways out of every situation. Planning out your own death. Feeling the temptation of silvery saviours. 

With these bloodshot eyes

But it doesn't really matter how I'm feeling. It doesn't matter how I am. So while you sit there, telling some meaningless story, I'll be here drowing. And when you ask me, "Is everything okay?" I'll reply with a fake, fake smile. "I'm fine. I'm just tired. Everything's okay."

While these walls surround me with the story of our life

And you'll say, "Okay!" with a smile, and forget about it within a minute. Because that's what everyone does. They forget about me. 

~Jenna