Free to Feel [Temporarily (??) Discontinued]

Chapter 35

Heather gripped the sides of the sink, heaving over it, his face red and hot. Breathe. Breathe. He had to breathe. He had to. Even when it felt like with every breath he took his heart shattered more, even when his arms shook too much to support him. He had to breathe.

Years of training had taught him that he had to breathe if nothing restrained him physically - and right now he wasn't choked, so he had to breathe. However, it felt like his lungs were giving up on him, never allowing him to get the air he needed so much.

What was going on?! Why couldn't he breathe?! He had cried before, he had cried a lot, but even then it wasn't as difficult as it was now. He didn't want to just curl in a ball and sob - no, his hands were itching to smash the mirror, grab the bar of soap and crush it to pieces, break everything that surrounded him. And that anger made absolute horror pulse in his veins, a mix of icy terror and burning rage tearing him to pieces.

All he had to do was breathe, but he couldn't even do that.

Gritting his teeth, Heather gripped the cold sink more and let out a pathetic half-growl, half-whimper when his Mistress called him. A part of him begged him to open the door and smother her in a hug, the other screamed at him to shout out loud from the mix of the emotions in his head. It felt like his muscles locked into place - forcing him to stay still, not allowing him to move. He had a feeling that if he did move, something so horrible would happen, he would have no choice but to kill himself.

"Heather? Open the door, please." His owner called once again, but the slave just squeezed his eyes shut, his lips pulled back in a snarl. He couldn't. He couldn't. He just couldn't.

The pressure building up in his head, his chest heaving in desperate attempts to breathe, he was the picture of the least obedient slave in the world. He shut his owner out, he didn't obey, he couldn't even get his body in a proper position! This vermin if a thought gnawed on his mind, on his brain, made his blood boil and his heart beat faster.

He was a bad slave. But Mistress - she wasn't a good owner. He told her to the truth as she always wanted him to, but she ignored it! She tried to make him happier, but she couldn't! Not when she was trying to make him free...

His knees buckled and the guy didn't even notice as he slid onto the floor, hot tears running down his cheeks and his fingers clutching his hair and pulling on it instinctively. His face burrowed in his knees, he slowly began to sob. He would've wailed if it wasn't for the pure agony of fury blazing in his chest.

Why couldn't she just accept that he liked being a slave?! Why couldn't she just understand that he didn't want her stupid freedom?! He was a goddamn slave, and he liked it so much, why did she want him to give it all up?! Why was she telling him he was wrong and messed up for wanting to stay with her as a pet?! Was he really so crazy?!

That thought hit him like a whip and he forced it away, his purple curls straining as he pulled on them more without even thinking about it.

No. He couldn't be crazy. He couldn't. He didn't care if it was right or wrong - he loved being a slave. He loved being a pet. He loved belonging to his owner, even though she was constantly trying to do anything to push him away by giving him freedom. He didn't care how wrong it was. He loved it.

Didn't she?

That thought hurt like a stab wound, so he banished it from his head. Another inhale - and suddenly all the fury disappeared, leaving him with a single thought. She was trying to help him. She was, in her own... Weird and peculiar fashion. She thought she knew better what he needed, what he wanted, but it was merely because she cared about him.

The slave rested his head against the tiled wall and let out a groan. He couldn't stay enraged at his owner. He just wished she'd listen to him. He wasn't asking for a lot, was he? Why couldn't she just listen to him for once?! Why could she just think that hey, maybe, just maybe, he could understand what he liked and didn't like?