What Happened and What should have Been

Qualms and Scruples

Mu Ren is in his room thinking about the conversation he had with  Xing Si a while earlier when he finally returned home after being MIA  for three whole days.

Xing Si was too excited and happy when Mu Ren revealed to him about  his relationship with Li Cheng. He was too eager to know the  nitty-gritty details of how it all happened and the topic of  conversation diverted before he could ask him further about how his  father accepted him after coming out.

It felt good admitting his feelings to Xing Si, he finally felt it  was real enough to share it with his best friend. But he still had all  these qualms at the back of his head.

All the times, he had had this conversation with Xing Si, he had  never imagined that he will have to go through with the same one day.  The fear and doubt have crept up in his head as soon as he heard about  Xing Si's father.

He couldn't talk to Xing Si yet about this. So now, back in his room, he is back to overthinking himself into a nervous wreck.

        Will my family react the same and accept me as his father  did? They would most definitely be surprised, since I've always only had  girlfriends before... but will this make them resent me?  

        How do I even go about telling them? And when? It's still  very new with Li Cheng, will this even last long enough for me to come  out to my parents?  

        No, what am I thinking? I love him and if they love me, they will accept him too.  

Mu Ren is once again so lost in thought, that he doesn't hear Li Cheng coming in.

"TengTeng!" Li Cheng snaps his fingers in front of his face to snap him out of his world.

"Li Cheng, when did you get here?" he finally says.

"When you were daydreaming." Li Cheng laughs and teases him, only for  Mu Ren to pout and punch his arm lightly. " What were you thinking  about?".

"Hmm...I...I was just thinking about what Xing Si said, that he will be moving back home soon." Mu Ren lies.

"Ah yeah, I just spoke to him too. Are you sad?"

Mu Ren simply nods.

"Shall we go for a walk, to take your mind off things for some time?"  Li Cheng suggests and Mu Ren agrees readily. He really needs some fresh  air, all the thinking has given him a headache already.

They stroll around hand in hand until Li Cheng spots a very  pretty swing shaped like a red heart. They go near it to check it out  and Li Cheng drapes his arms around Mu Ren's waist from the back. Mu Ren  pushes him away when he notices other people looking at them.

        What is wrong with me? Why do I keep going back and forth? I  was fine with walking side by side, then why am I embarrassed if he  hugs me in public.   

        Everyone in the office knows about us...I was the one who  outed us... then why am I even thinking about some strangers. I'll end up  hurting him like this.  

"What's wrong? You don't like it if I hug you in public." Li Cheng asks.

"It's not like that." Mu Ren replies unable to say what's actually bothering him.

"Then, do you like the way our relationship is right now?"

"I know, I like you...so much. I'm just not used to this display of  affection. It's different and new." Mu Ren replies before Li Cheng  starts doubting his feelings.