Dear Ms Lady Demigod: Twelve Days To Doom

3 8 I Am Scared

I was running in the forest. I was angry. 
"AJAX!" Gaël was running after me, yelling my name. I couldn't see shit! But I kept running, until I heard the voices of horses. I stopped and Gaël caught me. He held my hand and looked into my eyes, "I'll run with you, so don't stop," He said.

And we ran. 
"Ajax! Stop right there or I will shoot you!" I heard Adenois but I couldn't see him. So, I pretended I couldn't hear him either. The grass under us was mushy, the land seemed to sink like a quicksand. Gaël pushed me in the mud and I heard a gunshot. It hit him on his thigh.

"UGH! RUN!" He yelled.
"What about you?" I asked.
"He's after you, not me. I will be fine, just go now!"
"No," I got down on my knees and looked into his eyes, "I am taking you with me because I won't be fine if I didn't,"

"Ajax!" 
I heard another gunshot and drew a wall of gold between me and the rest of the forest. I am not going be oppressed like this anymore, I want to protect things I love. 
Gaël looked at me as I got up, "What are you?" He asked.
I picked him up in my arms, "Now is not the time to explain,"

I ran through the woods while holding him in my arms. At dawn, we reached a brook in the middle of the woods. I pressed him on the grass. He looked at me,

"I'm a demigod," I looked down at him. He seemed afraid. He moved away from me, 
"Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you," I said as I moved closer to him. He hissed as he felt the pain in his thigh increase. I took a leaf and turned it to stainless steel, "It will hurt a bit, but be strong,"

I scraped the bullet out of his flesh as he screamed in pain. But at least the bullet was out. He should've been fine, if his foot recovered that is. It didn't. We walked in that Cansiglio forest for about three days in the humidity and his untreated, open wound became a feast to insects. And that's when his infection went from bad to worse. I would carry him everywhere. He would ask me questions about demigods and the other world. 

I told him everything I knew. About me, my mother Aphrodite, Music and other star spirits. The Astral world, I had never seen it, but I heard about it from my human mother so I told him what I imagined it to be like. He seemed very interested. For the first time, someone seemed interested in me, not my body. It felt different somehow.

"Oh gosh, they will amputate it," One week had passed and Gaël cried looking at how bad his leg was getting, "Leave me here, Ajax," He said after a week as we sat before a little fire I made from sodium and Sulphur.
I looked at him. I hate abandoning people, because I know what it feels like to be abandoned. And I never want anyone to feel like that.

"No," I replied.
"Why don't you understand?" He said, "I am never going to be okay again. I don't want to be a burden to you,"
Was that why Aphrodite abandoned me? Because I was burden. 
Was I a mistake? 

"Ajax, are you listening?"
"No, enough of your depressing bullshit. Now," I removed my T-shirt, "You're going to listen to me," I knew a way to save him. I hated it but I couldn't think of anything else. I hugged him gently, "I'll fix you,"
His blue eyes looked into my green eyes as I leaned in, "Close your eyes, I don't want you to see me do this to you,"

Friends.
I thought we could be friends.
But in the end, 

"Ajax-What the hell, it hurts!"
"I know,"

I feel like I'm eating fire.
I've never felt so alive; not just the carcass,
But the spark
When one is alone and lonely, 
The body gladly lingers in the wind and rain,
Or splashes in the cold river,
Or pushes through the ice crusted snow

Anything that touches.

"You can open your eyes now," I said while wearing my T-shirt. Gaël looked at his healed leg, "Wow, it doesn't hurt and it is just like before. How did you do that?" He asked but then  suddenly his expression changed, "Actually, don't answer that,"
I turned back again.

"...Is this what Adenois had you for?" He asked.
I nodded. 
"No way...Is this why you were forced to sleep with strangers?"
I nodded. I feel so ashamed admitting all this. I hate how my body remembers everything, so that my mind cannot forget the past. I'm stained forever with the ink of dark souls I don't even recognize. How their tongues carved words on my body, like a demonic spell hidden in a God's tomb.

"Can I hug you?" Gaël asked. I turned and looked at him,
"Are you sure?" I asked. 
He just grabbed me and hugged me tightly. I could hear him crying. Why was he crying, I wondered.

"Gaël?"
"I'm so sorry, Ajax," 

Why are you sorry?
Should I be sad?
I always felt disgust with everything that I've been through, not pain but disgust.
But now, as I hear him cry, I feel a lump in my throat.
Because I realize, that I have to live with this past

Forever.

"Gaël," I squeeze him tighter as I cry silently.
"It's okay, I am here," He rubbed my back. 

I was calm after a while as we walked through the forest. 
"Did you tell anyone?" Gaël asked.
"Everyone I met abused me so I didn't know who to tell," The more I talked, the more hurt Gaël seemed. It was not his fault, why was he so sad?

We finally found a road. I don't know what he was thinking, but I was thinking about where to stay. We couldn't live in the forest forever.

"I know of an old cottage we own in Sweden," I remembered my hometown. Gaël looked at me. Next thing I remember is sitting in a train again. A train from Italy to Sweden. As I looked out of the window, I remembered the last time I got into one. His eyes seemed to follow me, every scream that left my throat crowded the edges of my memory, I remember everywhere he touched me, like it happened yesterday.

"Ajax?"
I looked at Gaël, "Are you okay?"
I nodded. 
"You are shaking. Are you cold?"
"Oh," I stopped shaking, "I don't think so,"

He smiled and I looked out of the window again.
I think it has affected me more than I thought it did. I mean, look at me.
I can't even sit in a train anymore.

I stood beside the train door when Gaël got up from his seat and walked towards me. He asked, "Why are you not on the seat?"
"I'm scared," I said.
"Scared?" He laughed, "Scared of what?"

"That he's going to rape me again,"

-To be continued

Gaël
Dear Ms Lady Demigod