Dear Ms Lady Demigod: Twelve Days To Doom

4 0 On My Way Here

I had been abandoned yet again. My heart was quiet again, like the quietness after a storm. My stomach was hurting, like all the butterflies just died.

You said I look like an angel. Well, now I know that under the veil of love, angels go through hell too. The rest of the days, I spent alone in that cottage, looking outside at the pretty sky which did not look that pretty anymore. I waited for him, me, an abandoned boy in an abandoned village where I lived in self isolation. But I believed one day, he would come back.

I sighed.
Why am I the type of person that still believes someone is a good person even when they've shown me in every way that they're not?

I hear the creaks of boots on the wooden floor, "Ajax," I hear my name and I recognize the voice even before turning my face to him.
"Finally, I found you. Come now, we are going home,"
I look at my golden shackles, wondering...
When will he abandon me?

He took me back to that train again, I was so afraid to enter inside it. I clasped the door, waiting for my best friend to save me. I need him now. I need those hugs now. But he's not there. I yell his name as Adenois pulls me away from the door and drags me to the seat. The train is empty, I can't hear my screams under the voices of metallic wheels of the train, crushing the rocks as it moves at a high speed. It's happening to me again.

I can feel his skin touch mine.
It hurts more than the last time because this time, I feel the mental pain with the physical one.
To heal a would, you need to stop touching it.

I get down at an old train station, with blood running down my thighs under my blue shorts. He grabs my hand and walks into a car waiting for us there. And I'm back at the same window again, singing the same songs, living the same life. Just...You are not there anymore. I don't hate you. I never will. I just act like I do because it's easier than admitting that I miss you.

I think I've come to terms with the fact that I will always be alone. I went through the darkest times of my life alone, so I'm sorry if I act like I don't need anyone. Because I really do not.

"Oh wow!" I hear and quickly turn back, "You just turned the water to bread! Your sila is so good!" I look at your face. You have the same blue eyes as him. I have my guard up,

"Who are you?" I ask.
"I'm Jevelene," 

I found my sweet escape.
Something always brings me back to you. I guess, I liked the way I found innocent parts of me in you. And of all the things my hands have held, the best by far

Is you, Jevelene.

I'm a simple man.

I don't need fancy ways
And shiny things.
Give me your slow hands,
Honest eyes,
And full attention with ease.

Give me priceless things.

I want to 
tangle with you
and fall into you
And feel all of you,
Your warm breath, your honest smile,
Your slow hands, your tender heart

Your everything,

All of it, all of you
All around me

Make me yours, Jevelene.

"I love you, Jevelene,"
"I love you too, Ariel. No homo though!"

You kept calling me a friend, just like him. So, I never confessed. Because I hate chasing after people, so I chose Cyzarine. If you don't love me...

Your loss.

But I can't stop thinking about you. I wanted it to be you, not her. Goddamn, I really did!

"Who are you texting?" Cyzarine asked.
"No one," I delete the message and move away.
But I have convince myself that you don't love me the way I love you.
And I'm trying to be okay with it.