Falling For Her Dream

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Abby was numb.  She didn’t understand what just happened, she was unable to fully process what Kristopher had said and why.  One thing was certain though, he was definitely gone.  Abby was standing at the top of the Arc, surrounded by gorgeous views, but now she was unable to appreciate where she was and all that surrounded her.  Her mind had gone blank.  She felt abandoned and unsure about everything.

Alli made her way around the top of the Arc, taking photo after photo and finally made her way back to Abby.  “Where’s Kris at?”, she asked as she tucked her camera back into her bag.  Abby was clearly not prepared for this question and had little idea on how to answer her daughter.  “He’s gone.  He’s just gone.  He had to go back to L.A”, was all she could think of in that moment.  “Hu.  Bit rude just taking off like that.  Was there an emergency or something?”, Alli’s questions were still coming.  Abby had to put an end to this fast.  She was confused and the feeling of devastation was starting to set in.  “I don’t know Alli, he didn’t say.  It’s nearly Christmas, I’m sure he has family things to do and we’re off to See Mary and Rayline in Scotland as well.  Family comes first”.

Mary was married to a cousin of Abby’s who unexpectedly passed a little over twelve months ago.  Abby hadn’t seen her in about five years and had never had the opportunity to meet her daughter Rayline.  Even though Mary and Rayline were only related by marriage, they were still family to Abby, and she had planned this trip to include a Christmas surprise.  Abby had come up with the idea to surprise Mary with Rayline’s help.  They had been chatting online for the past six months and about two months ago they nailed down a final plan.  Abby and Alli would fly into London, stay overnight with a dear friend of Abby’s then fly to Glasgow and take a train to the small town of Dunure where they would stay with Rayline Christmas Eve.  Mary was due to arrive at Rayline’s home just before lunch on Christmas day.  Rayline insisted Mary stay for a few nights in Dunure.  Everything was set and Rayline was getting excited.  There had been a few times when Rayline nearly let plans slip in front of Mary, but she’d managed to cover up her near mistakes and the surprise was still in place.

Abby had to keep up appearances for Alli and move forward as if nothing was out of place.  If Abby stopped for a moment to think about Kristopher, she could feel shame, embarrassment and foolishness sweep over her.  The only thing that would bring her back from those feelings were Kristopher’s last words…’I love you Abby’…she mentally deleted, ‘I hope you can forgive me’.  She wasn’t ready to accept that she’d never see Kristopher again.  She wasn’t exactly holding out hope she would see him, rather she was just being completely ignorant, so she didn’t have to confront the pain within she was holding back.

As planned, Abby took Alli to the Eiffel Tower.  They bought something to eat for lunch and found a nice spot on the grass nearby the tower to eat, share a small bottle of wine and the perfect view.  This was exactly how Abby had pictured this moment in hear head.  They took their time; they had the entire day to do whatever they wanted.  They talked about their flight in the morning to Amsterdam, the flight to London and the plans made for their upcoming days in Scotland.  It was the perfect distraction for Abby, and it enabled her to be strong and be the independent woman she’d been for years.  She didn’t need anything more than what she had right now.  Her daughter by her side, her independence and her love of adventure.  She wasn’t thinking of home, she was only thinking of all the places her and Alli had left of their list, the countries, the cultures and the experiences to be had. 

The night came fast, and it was time to head back to their accommodation and pack, ready for an early departure to Amsterdam.  As they began to settle in for the night, it was then that Abby’s mind wandered back to Kristopher.  She wanted to call him, hear his voice and ask so many questions that were now starting to occupy her mind.  As she checked her phone for the time and any messages, which she knew there would be none, she swiped her phone open and was met with the photo of her and Kristopher at the Statue of Liberty.  Her heart felt like it had just been sliced open with a knife.  The photo was too much for her to endure, so she quickly changed the photo on her home screen to a selfie Alli took of them both, with the Eiffel Tower in the background.  The photo made her smile.  Alli looked so happy, she clearly had enjoyed her time in Paris and that’s what this trip had all been about. 

Abby set her bags and Alli’s in a line at the front door of their unit, ready to head straight for the airport in the morning.  She put her phone onto charge and slipped under the covers of the very empty bed she had shared with Kristopher.  The moment her head hit the pillow; all she could smell was Kristopher.  A mix of his own scent and his cologne enveloped her senses.  Sleep was going to be interesting.  How could she ignore what once was there, now very much gone, when he was all she was breathing in.  She sprung up out of the bed and headed straight for her bag where she’d hidden her sleep aid pills.  ‘Better late than never’ she told herself as she took one and hoped for the best. 

As Kristopher entered his noticeably quiet and very empty home, he was still seeing reruns in his head of his last moments with Abby.  He’d spent the entire flight back to L.A looking at photos he’d taken of Abby and the places they’d been together.  It was halfway into the flight he’d had a dreaded feeling that he’d done the wrong thing.  He shouldn’t have left her, and he was regretting every second since.  He threw his backpack down against the wall in the entry and headed directly to his kitchen, opened a bottle of whiskey and began to drink it straight up.  As he drank the warming liquid with its slightly stinging sensation as it slid down his throat, he continued to flip through the same photos he’d spent hours looking at over and over and over again on the long flight.  Tears were welling in his eyes and he was full of regret. 

After consuming far too much of the whiskey, he staggered up the staircase to his room and crashed face first onto his very large and very empty bed.  As he lay with his face into one of the very plump pillows, he could smell something.  He lifted his head sharply and saw the shirt he’d kept tucked away under a pillow, the shirt that held the smell of Abby still, the shirt he couldn’t bring himself to wash and take away that alluring smell.  He grabbed the shirt and cradled it to his face, breathing in what scent was left on it and then held it tight to his chest.  “Oh Abby”, escaped from his lips as he closed his eyes and let sleep set in before he could allow himself to become overwhelmed with emotion. 

Amsterdam was thriving, it was busier than the last time Abby had visited, tourists were thick on the streets and cycle rickshaws were in high demand.  The very moment one became available, Abby wasted no time to secure one for a ride to their hotel so they could offload their bags and start their stay in Amsterdam quickly as possible and in ‘style’.  Abby’s kind of style!  The first thing Abby wanted to do was take Alli to the Ice Bar.  Even though time in the ice bar was limited, it was well worth the experience to rug up like you’re in Antarctica, freeze to the bone and drink from ice shot glasses, vodka and sambuca. 

Abby squeezed in many activities with her daughter.  They were only staying for two nights then flying to London.  So much to do, so little time.  This activity kept Abby far too busy during the days to even have a passing thought towards Kristopher.  It was the nights that were a different story, but at least as the distance between them grew and the lack of messages continued, this allowed Abby to move forward easier with each passing night.  Alcohol was going down, and an unhealthy number of Dutch pancakes were being consumed in almost every variety available.  Their stay in Amsterdam was brief, but as Abby and Alli boarded for the short flight to London, there were smiles and laughter the entire journey. 

Days had passed since Kristopher arrived back in L.A and they weren’t getting any easier.  So many times, he’d wanted to message Abby, tell her how incredibly sorry he was and how he’d made a terrible mistake, but he’d force himself to stop each time.  If he were to ever try and apologise, it certainly shouldn’t be via a message.  He would have to man up and do it face to face.  He wasn’t sure she’d hear him out.  The hurt he’d caused may have been too much and she might never forgive him.  Kristopher tried in vain to go about life ‘as usual’.  He’d been making plans with Michael for Christmas day.  They’d planned to spend the day with Kristopher’s parents in Newport Beach, then Michael was spending the night with Britt, whom he was proud to announce was now his girlfriend. 

Kristopher had allowed the thought to cross his mind that as his relationship was crashing with Abby, his son’s relationship with Britt was just starting up, making Kristopher feel like a total failure.  He was withholding his feelings and didn’t share with anyone what he’d done and why he left Abby in Paris.  He felt like an utter cad.  Kristopher wasn’t really eating; he’d already bought a third bottle of whiskey and his unhealthy habits were starting to show.  Michael had tried to ask about Abby several times, but Kristopher would change the subject immediately and talk about Britt, or work, or Christmas day.  Every night, with a belly full of whiskey, he’d cradle his shirt and think of Abby.  More often than not, this was accompanied with tears and calling out her name.  He was breaking down and he didn’t care one bit.

As Alli and Abby arrived in London, they were greeted by Abby’s friend Sandra.  Abby and Sandra had been friends for over ten years.  They met on a group tour of the outback in Australia and had hit it off straight away.  Over the years, they would meet up in Australia or London, and spend hours catching up on everything that had happened between those times.  This was the first time Alli would physically meet Sandra.  They’d spoken over the phone before, but never actually met.  Alli loved Sandra’s strong English accent and Sandra was renowned for teaching Alli British slang.  Being face to face for the first time, Abby expected nothing but laughter the entire time and she had visions of Alli using British slang on anyone and everyone.  She could foresee issues for Alli, especially if she chose the wrong person to ‘try it out on’.  Abby would have to keep an eye on Alli, alcohol and sass could be a dangerous mix around the wrong people. 

Alli loved London.  She was excited to ride in a black taxi, ride the London Eye and tour around on an open-air double decker bus.  She was like a little kid in a candy store!  Alli and Sandra got along like a house on fire and Abby took many photos of both of them goofing off, poking their tongues out and making the most ridiculous faces.  Alli and Sandra would exchange slang words from Australia and the U.K, making spectacles of themselves to tourists and locals.  Abby hadn’t laughed so much in such a long time.  She really was starting to truly move on from Kristopher, and that almost frightened her.

As their day in London drew to an end, talk had begun about Christmas.  Abby had purchased a parting gift for Sandra and hid it behind an ornament on her mantlepiece.  Sandra never liked to receive gifts, she always said it was unnecessary, but she was familiar with Abby’s sly gift giving.  One day Abby was going to have to find a new hiding place for her random gifts to Sandra.  But for now, thanks to Alli, she was completely distracted with her new guest and the continued bombardment of questions about life in London.  Abby could see it in her daughter’s eyes, Alli felt right at home in London, and she was already making plans to travel back very soon.  Abby regarded her roots to England and Scotland and wasn’t surprised at how well Alli took to the place.  It was in her blood.

It was never sad parting from Sandra, they both knew they would see each other again, and next time the gap between visits wouldn’t be as long.  They had made that promise and they would keep it.  Abby felt excitement building for Christmas day.  She was pumped to see Mary again, hold her tight and fully prepared to shed a tear for Mary’s husband, Angus.  During the journey to Dunure, Abby reflected on her family roots and the beauty of the country in Scotland.

Both of Abby’s parents were born in England.  Her mother was raised in England and migrated to Australia with her parents and sisters when she was around the age of ten.  Abby’s father was born in England but raised in Scotland.  He had a Scottish father and an English mother.  Abby had family throughout England and Scotland.  Angus was a cousin to Abby’s mother.  Mary had previously been married and had a daughter before she’d met Angus.  Although Mary and Rayline were not family by blood, they were every bit family to Abby and Mary was very dear to her heart.  Abby felt guilt when she thought of Angus’ passing and how she’d not been able to see Mary since her loss.  Surprising Mary on Christmas day meant the world to Abby.  Nothing and no one was going to spoil this for her, so it was just as well Kristopher was fast becoming a distant memory.  Abby didn’t view her time with Kristopher as a mistake, just a beautiful encounter while it lasted.  She was now able to think of him and be fond of the memories she held of him.  She had begun to store those memories in a corner of her mind, set aside just for him and when she pictured his face, she was able to smile.

Abby had never been to Dunure, but she was familiar with the coastline south of the small town.  The train ride from Glasgow to Dunure was full of the lushest greenest scenery anyone could ever imagine.  Cob horses everywhere, Belted Galloway cows, Scottish Blackface and Cheviot sheep as far as the eye could see.  Abby even spotted a few Scottish Highland cows along the way.  This was the perfect start to one of the best Christmas days she’d ever have.  Alli was in awe of the Scottish countryside and couldn’t believe how breathtaking the green pastures were.  Even though she’d grown up in the tropics of Australia, she couldn’t get over how green everything was as she looked out the window of the train.  She was in love with everything she saw!

Rayline was waiting to meet Abby and Alli at the train station.  From the moment they disembarked, Rayline took to both Abby and Alli like they were long parted friends who’d known each other forever.  She was the sweetest woman.  It was clear to Abby that Mary had done a fantastic job of raising her daughter and no doubt was very proud of the woman she’d become.  Rayline couldn’t contain her excitement and was very impatient for Mary to arrive the following day.  The car ride to Rayline’s home was short.  She lived along the coastline; her home overlooked a small bay with an uninterrupted view out to the Isle of Arran. 

There was too much preparation that needed to be done before Mary arrived the next day, so with minimal daylight hours, any leisure time to take in the beautiful bay had to be postponed.  Abby had already discussed how she wanted to be a part of setting things up for Christmas day months ago, and although Rayline found it hard to hold back, she’d kept her self-control in check and only thoroughly decorated a Christmas tree and added a few garlands around her home.  She’d kept her promise to Abby, so she was able to feel like a contributing member of the family.  Contributing as much as she could held a lot of meaning for Abby.  And besides, this was her idea to begin with, she couldn’t and would never expect Rayline to do everything for her, however much Rayline itched to take over and do everything, because that was the kindhearted woman she was. 

Once everything was in place for Mary’s arrival, it was defiantly time to snuggle under some warm blankets and get some sleep.  Abby and Alli were over tired, their body clocks were out of sync for the time of day, partly due to the sun setting well before five in the afternoon and partly due to experiencing so many different time zones in such a short amount of time.  As Abby began to drift off to sleep, she could still hear Rayline tinkering about, putting her own final touches to the decorating and setting up the second guest room for Mary.  Rayline shared her home with a dog called Ronny and a cat called Pixie.  Pixie was tucked in for the night with Alli, which was completely typical for Alli.  If there was an animal around, you were sure to find it right at home with Alli.