Falling For Her Dream

CHAPTER TWENTY

As the plane landed in L.A, Abby’s nerves were getting the better of her, and it must have shown.  As Alli and Abby made their way to exit the plane, Kristopher was waiting for them.  He was standing off to the side, allowing other passengers to disembark and he had a concerned look on his face.  As they exited to the airwalk together, Kristopher asked Abby, “Is everything alright?  You don’t look well.  I’m here for you”.  Abby wasn’t sure what to say in return, all she could think to say was, “Everything is fine, getting a little claustrophobic but that’s nothing new.  I’m not a fan of tight spaces”.  It was true, she did have issues with confined spaces, so she hoped her explanation was enough to satisfy Kristopher’s curiosity. 
It must have done the trick as the next words he spoke were, “We’ll be outside soon then you can breathe easy again”, and he put an arm around her waist as they walked.  It was comforting to know that he was there for her, even if she wasn’t telling him the truth.  Lying to Kristopher made her feel horrid, but she had a lot on her mind, and she needed to pull her thoughts together before she opened up to Kristopher and told him about her brief conversation with Ryan.  “Thanks.  I’m glad you’re here with me”, she said and received a squeeze and a rub from Kristopher.  The support he offered her now, she hoped would continue though the conversation she had to have with him.  Knowing she couldn’t put it off, she was going to have to talk to him today or her thoughts and apprehension were going to eat her up inside. 
Before the flight to L.A, Abby had let Missy, the owner of the cottage, know they wouldn’t be staying with her, but also let her know she wouldn’t be asking for any refund.  Missy insisted on a partial refund, but Abby wouldn’t hear of it.  Such an accommodating host, Abby was hopeful Missy would be able to rent to someone else looking for last minute accommodation.  The cottage was very popular, its position was sort after, and Missy had nothing but positive reviews from her guests.  With Missy keeping the entire income from Abby’s stay, she could easily take a week off from hosting for the next week.  Abby hoped she’d take advantage and have some time to herself; she was getting on in age and she could probably do with the break.  If not, the extra income would be good for her. 
Kristopher was in good spirits as he opened his home to Abby and Alli.  They had all just stepped inside the door when phones started to chime with messages.  Alli was the first to check her phone and with excitement said, “Hey mum!  Michael has invited me over to Phillip’s house for New Year tonight.  He said he can come pick me up.  Can I go?!  Pleeeeeese!”, she begged.  Just as Abby began to process her daughter’s plea, Kristopher added, “I just got the same message from Michael.  The kids are all at Phillip’s tonight to celebrate New Year’s Eve”.  Abby felt a little ambushed by both Alli and Kristopher, but she also knew Alli would have more fun with her own age group than hanging out with her mother on a night like this.  “Okay, you can go.  Just be safe, don’t do anything you’ll regret.  Did Michael say when he was planning on picking you up?”, Abby asked.  “Soon, he said he can come now”.  Alli was excited to say the least.  Abby looked across to Kristopher for moral support, but all he gave was a shrug and offered, “I’ll give Michael a call and give him the usual drill.  Alli will be his responsibility”. 
Kristopher showed Alli to Michael’s room so she could organise herself for Michael’s pending arrival.  He also took Abby to the guest room which was at the opposite end of the house upstairs and the furthest room from Kristopher’s.  The distance between the rooms gave Abby a sense of comfort, she really didn’t want to share a wall with Kristopher, the arrangement suited her just fine.  She left her bags to one side in the room, not needing anything from them right then, she decided to unpack the few things she would need at a later time.  Heading to Michael’s room, she checked Alli had everything she might need for her stay at Phillip’s.  Alli was so excited, she’d already packed an overnight bag and was ready to leave.  “Michael will be here in about fifteen minutes, I’m ready to go.  Are you going to be okay, just you and Kristopher?”, Alli asked of her mother before they headed back down the stairs.  “Sure.  It will give me a chance to talk to Kristopher about our job offers.  There will be quite a few things I need to sort out, you don’t need to worry about any of that.  I’m not even sure how he’s going to react to the news so, you go have fun, have a great time with the others and behave”. 
As Abby and Alli descended the stairs into the kitchen, Kristopher came from the living room to join them.  He looked like he just ended a phone call and had a lot on his mind.  Abby did her best to push her curiosity aside, it was none of her business, she just hoped he didn’t just get off the phone to Ryan.  Abby still wasn’t entirely sure how to broach the subject of living in L.A to Kristopher.  She had no expectations of Kristopher and telling him was mere formality to her.  She didn’t want to come across as though she expected to stay with Kristopher, that would be the furthest from the truth.  Abby fully intended to find an affordable apartment for Alli and her to live.  She needed to keep her independence and she certainly didn’t want to rely on anyone to help her out.  The decision to accept the job offer was all she needed; from there she would look after all other details herself.   
“Michael should be here soon.  Have you got everything you need Alli?”, Kristopher asked.  “Sure do!  I’m ready and waiting now.  You guys have fun tonight, whatever you oldies consider fun”, Alli said with far too much cheek.  “Alli!”, Abby scolded.  “Behave yourself girl!”.  Kristopher noted, “Michael is on strict instructions to look out for you Alli.  Us ‘oldies’ will fair just fine tonight.  You should have a great night.  Sounds like the whole gang are looking forward to seeing you again”.  It was then the front door opened, and Michael walked in.  “Hey Dad!  Hello Abby, good to see you again.  Nice to see the old man happy finally.  You ready to go Alli?  Everyone’s waiting for us”.  Abby greeted Michael and stood back from the hurricane that was Alli heading for the door.  Michael’s comment wasn’t lost on Abby.  Seems Kristopher may have really been regretting Paris and poor Michael had to deal with a somber father the past few weeks.  A pang of guilt rush through her, but that was crazy considering Kristopher was the one who left, not her.  She was experiencing confusing emotions.  Maybe it was her fault?  If she hadn’t been having so many nightmares, things might have transpired differently?  Alli said a quick goodbye and left with Michael.  Abby was alone with Kristopher…’what now’ she thought to herself. 
Kristopher could tell something was playing on Abby’s mind, but she was keeping quiet.  He wasn’t sure if he should question her or just find something to occupy their time.  Before Michael had arrived, he’d had an odd conversation with Ryan on the phone.  He wanted to find out if he’d spoken to Abby regarding any options he may have come up with for her to stay in L.A.  Ryan didn’t really answer the questions Kristopher had, more like, he had kind of skimmed around his questions and talked about the time he’d spent with his family instead.  It was perplexing and clear to Kristopher the only chance he had of finding answers fell upon Abby.  He was running out of time and being patient was wearing him thin.  An unusual feeling of anxiety was creeping in and he didn’t like it one bit. 
Kristopher ordered some home delivered food and they were now casually eating in the living room, sitting on throw pillows scattered around the coffee table in the center of the room.  Abby still had a look that said something was on her mind.  Every now and then Kristopher thought she was going to open up and talk about what was bothering her, but each time this happened, Abby would find some other random thing to talk about.  He was going to have to say something, he couldn’t bare the tip toeing any longer.
“Abby, I know something has been bothering you since we landed at LAX.  So many times, I’ve thought you were going to say something, then its like you change your mind and you’ll start talking about something else.  You know you can tell me anything right?  I’m here for you.  I hate seeing you look as though your thoughts are weighing you down.  Whatever it is, just let it out.  It’s okay”.  Kristopher’s words didn’t comfort her indecision or approach on how to tell him about applying for a working visa.  She didn’t want her words to be misconstrued and that was her biggest fear.  Sometimes you can never predict how someone will interpret words, and this was holding her back.  She’d gone over in her head no less than a dozen times how to say what she needed to say, and each time in her head, his response was always one of freeloading and expectations she didn’t intend. 
Abby kept her eyes averted from Kristopher’s, staring at her food on the paper plate in front of her, food she was now pushing around like a child that didn’t want to finish their meal.  She was going to have to find a way to begin and she was going to have to do it now.  This was it!  He could damn near read her like a book.  He knew she needed to say something, and he’d probably been patient enough.  It was time she was fair and opened her mouth and let it out.  She crossed her toes and hoped for the best and began.
“There is something I need to say, but I think the only way I’m going to get through this is if you let me get all the way through before you say anything”, Abby looked up to Kristopher for a moment, then looked back to her plate again.  Kristopher said nothing, but it was clear she had his full attention and perhaps he was also willing to accept the conditions she laid out to enable her to get everything she needed to say out.  Abby picked up her glass of water she had opted to have with her food and nearly finished the entire glass of iced liquid.  Abby needed to keep her head clear and had earlier declined the beer Kristopher offered.  Abby wasn’t a wine drinker and anything stronger than a beer would be counterproductive to retaining sober thoughts.  Abby liked a good beer, but now she was distracting her thoughts over a damn drink.  She was really struggling to find her next words.  Abby needed to have a bit of faith that Kristopher wouldn’t overreact, like the time she’d left his bed in the middle of the night and he accused her of using him.  She never wanted him to think that of her ever again.
“Before I say anything more, please remember when you thought I had used you.  You were angry with me and it made me feel wretched.  I never want you to think such things of me ever again and that’s why I’m finding it hard to get the right words out now”.  Abby looked up again and Kristopher had a look of what appeared to be shame on his face.  “Abby, I’m so sorry I ever thought that.  I’ll never forgive myself for thinking you were capable of such a low act.  I know you better now and I’d never make the same mistake, I promise you that, with all the integrity I have within me.  I’ll be forever sorry for accusing you of such a thing.  You have the kindest heart, you never complain, you never judge, and you are always the first person to think the best of any situation, or a person.  I hope you know how sincere I am, and I hope this helps you say what you need to say”.  
Abby sat her glass back down and took another moment to compose herself.  “When I met with Ryan in Vegas, we met for a drink…”, she stalled.  Sucking in a little gumption she tried to continue.  “He offered to sponsor both Alli and I for jobs, working for him.  This means I can apply for a working visa”.  Kristopher burst into Abby’s recount of her conversation she’d had with Ryan, “Abby!  That’s fantastic, I”, Abby cut him short, “You need to let me finish”.  “Sorry, sorry, continue, I’ll be quiet”, Kristopher tried to apologise.
Well, that part was out, but Abby still needed to make it clear that she expected nothing from Kristopher, that she had no expectations of him, and this was something she was going to sort out from this point.  She didn’t want Kristopher to think she expected him to help house her and Alli or help with expenses of moving internationally.  All she expected from Kristopher was the friendship they had, if he chose to continue one with her.  “I need to make it clear; I don’t expect anything from you”.  Kristopher looked upon Abby with some confusion.  “Alli and I have accepted Ryan’s offer so now we have the process of applying for working visas and moving our lives here to L.A”.  Kristopher looked like he wanted to say something, but with one look from Abby, he closed his mouth tight and with a motion, he ‘zipped’ his lips.
“Once I know the visas will be granted, I’ll start to look for an apartment for Alli and I to move into.  The decision to accept Ryan’s offer has been made by Alli and I, and I need you to know, I want nothing from you and expect nothing from you and I won’t accept any help from you that could be misconstrued as taking advantage of you.  I wouldn’t want you or anyone else thinking I’m using you or squeezing you for money or exploiting you and your kindness.  I have to do this on my own”.  It was only then, Kristopher understood why Abby was struggling with how to tell him her news.  His face must have been telling as Abby continued, “I only accepted Ryan’s offer before the plane left Las Vegas, and I asked him not to say anything to you.  You needed to hear this from me, not someone else.  I needed the chance to explain I have no expectations of you.  What Ryan has offered Alli, and I is extraordinary and the jobs aside, I will do the rest on my own.  I can already hear tongues waging that I’m using you and I want to distance myself from that kind of conjecture”.
Kristopher listened to Abby and fully understood.  It was probably true; some people might think negatively towards Abby and assume reasons why she was in a relationship with him in the first place.  He knew in his heart she was truthful, honest and upfront.  Others that don’t know her could easily think the worst and see Abby as a gold-digger or an opportunist.  But hearing Abby was seriously looking at moving her life to L.A, he was itching to help make it happen, and fast!  This was going to be hard for him to butt out.  Excruciating in fact!  “Abby, I understand where you’re coming from, believe me I do, but I wish on some level you would allow me to help.  Besides, living in L.A isn’t cheap and I’m here to help”.  Abby was already shaking her head ‘no’.  “I know, you don’t want people to think of you negatively and judge you, but please, even in the smallest capacity, it would make me so happy if I can help you in any way possible”. 
Abby interjected, “I can’t.  This has to be all Alli and I.  Well, me, Alli’s just a young girl starting her life as a young adult.  I’m her mother and I’m responsible for her.  And I’m an adult who has spent years being fully independent.  I don’t rely on others to help make my ends meet.  I already feel like I’m cheating by accepting Ryan’s offer”.  Kristopher got up from where he was sitting and moved closer to Abby.  He sat down beside her, turned to her, put his legs either side of her and held her in an all-encumbering embrace.  “Right now, I’m the happiest man alive.  Even if I don’t get next week with you, I know you’re coming back and even if you’re living in an apartment thirty minutes away, you’re going to be here, in the same time zone, the same country, breathing the same air as me.  What more could I ask for?  Maybe one day you might be ready to give up a little of your independence and share your life with me on a full-time basis?  Who knows what the future holds for us, but knowing you’ll be close to me is all I need, for now”.
Kristopher was right.  Who knows what the future holds, but right now, engulfed in his arms, Abby felt at home.  She thought, perhaps this is what home felt like?  Maybe home isn’t a place, maybe its as simple as being with the right person.  And Kristopher felt like her person, her life.  Abby knew now, this is what love is meant to feel like.  Protected, accepted and complete.  Kristopher was the part of herself she’d always been missing, and she really was finally home.