waste it on me | shin soukoku

three

Atsushi is confused.
He has been spending a lot of time with Akutagawa and lately his favorite activity was admiring him.
His pretty eyes, his hair, his voice, hell even the glare Akutagawa gave him every time he said basically anything was beautiful to him.
And it was strange because when they first met Atsushi really disliked him, he thought he was a horrible person but now that they can freely talk like normal people with normal lives he felt different.
There was something about Akutagawa that made him want to spend the most time possible with him.
He wants to see him happy, see him laugh and enjoy things.. and he wants to be the reason for his happiness.

-

"Dazai, have you ever been in love?"

"Maybe.. why? Are you in love Atsushi?"

Dazai looked up from the newspaper in front of him
They were drinking coffee in the Café under the Agency, enjoying their break.

"Uh no.. I don't think so why would you assume that?"
Atsushi said, avoiding eye contact

"Well you seem lost in thoughts lately and now you're asking me that"

"Hmm... so what does being in love feel like"

"I think it's different for everybody.. well I guess being with that person makes you happy and not being around them leaves you with that empty feeling.. it's hard to describe, just do whatever feels right I guess?"

"Ah thanks"

Atsushi was staring at his coffee, a confused look on his face.
Dazai tilts his head and frowns

"I don't think i'm the right person to ask about this, if it bothers you that much you should ask someone else"

"No thank you, it helped"

He looks up and smiles at Dazai.

"If you say so.. there is one piece of advice I would like to give to you though, don't hide from your feelings"

The confused look made it back to Atsushi's face. Dazai looked surprisingly vulnerable almost as if he was about to cry.

"Are you okay Dazai?"

"Yeah i'm fine that just sounded like the smartest thing to say"

And back he was to smiling and joking around.

-

"There also is this small organization that-'
"Uhm Akutagawa..?"

"Huh? Oh what is it?"

Higuchi and Akutagawa were talking about something work related but she noticed that he wasn't really paying attention.

"You look tired maybe you should rest for a bit"

"I'm fine, continue with what you were saying"

He was not fine.
He was confused and mad for some reason.
He couldn't stop thinking about Atsushi
It's not like it wasn't like this before but back then he had violent thoughts but now...
Now he didn't know what he was thinking, or feeling.
He didn't like it, it was weird and confusing.

a/n

helloo I just quickly wanted to say that i've never actually been in love so idk if i'm writing bullshit but yeah I hope you still enjoy hahah :)