Jisoo's POV.
Suho and I hadn't said much to each other since Thursday night when we spoke and talking warped into a fight.
Suho knew about Lisa but he was waiting for me to confess. I wanted to tell him badly but every time I tried he gave me this look and I couldn't.
I had to tell him soon. I'll tell him tonight. I'll tell him tonight. I repeated trying to con myself into being brave.
Luhan and Sehun had to attend some promotional party for the company Luhan worked for so we rescheduled our plans for later in the week.
Earlier that day, I worked out for about an hour at the gym where I finally saw Jaehyun. I apologized for putting him in the middle of my drama. He accepted my apology but I could tell he was still upset which made me feel awful.
I promised myself that I would stay away from Lisa for a while and I had. I hadn't seen her since Thursday night and it was Saturday. I wanted to see her before she left for L.A. today was my last chance.
I told myself that ending this was a good thing. Lisa had way too much control over me. I wasn't myself when we were together. I felt like I had to bring my A game.
Everything had to be perfect. I had to be this beacon of perfection because her perfection intimidated me. We spent more time together this past week than Suho and I have in a long time but I didn't feel as comfortable with Lisa as I should have.
I felt like I was performing a one woman show in order to impress her. It was petty to think that way and I knew it but I couldn't stop.
Lisa got a lot of action and I was aware of that. What happened at the club the other day with Leah only fueled my erratic behavior. Seeing the woman she preferred before me was intimidating. I needed to somehow set myself apart from the others and the only way I knew how to achieve that goal was to be perfect or pretend to be.
In the past week and a half, I went to my stylist twice as much as usual. I visited the spa more often for bikini and skin treatment because I wanted my skin supple and hairless.
I shopped more often because I always felt like I needed something new to complete my ensemble whether that was more lingerie or a new pair of shorts. I've never behaved more high maintenance than I did with Lisa.
It was hard to see clearly beyond the sex haze I was in. Being with Lisa was like being high on life. Everything was better.
Felt better.
Tasted better.
I didn't know how I felt about her? Sometimes it felt like infatuation and others it felt like an addiction.
Did I care about her at all or was all this emotion just lust masquerading as love?
It was difficult for me to admit but I was high on this illicit drug better known as Lalisa Manoban.
I stood at her door dressed in a short, flowing black skirt, a printed bustier and sling backs. My hair hung down my back in long cinnamon brown strands.
When she eventually opened the door my heart paused for a split second as her flawlessness caught my gaze before beating like a goddamn drum.
She looked ravishing in a pair of white boxers. She wore an indecipherable expression but her eyes were burning with lust. Of course, she wore no shirt but I loved to see her naked.
My eyes were free to wander over her tattooed skin and the veins protruding from her lower abdomen. Her boxers were hanging low on her hips causing my excitement to sprout wildly. I couldn't understand why I found her bulging veins so sexy except that I saw them as evidence of her flaring temper both of which I found sexy. Lisa made everything sexy.
