Who I Am With You

Chapter 4

After what Megan said the other night about Eric, I can't help but begin to pay closer attention. And I conclude that I must be oblivious. I should have been aware of his gaze lingering on my face whenever I drive with him in the truck. I should have noticed how he lets his hand brush mine when he passes me a water bottle. I should have recognized the way he pays special attention to what I am saying whenever I talk.     With this new knowledge, I feel a little awkward around him. Not really awkward. Just awkward. I try not to act any differently than I normally do. Eric is every bit as cute as Will. He's just not the first one you notice of the two, because his personality is not nearly as large and demanding as Will's. Eric is really nice. And he has a good sense of humor. I start to entertain the idea of going out with him, if he were to ask.  

Eric, Megan, and I got the fun job of emptying and cleaning out the huge, galvanized water tanks in the corrals. I am on my hands and knees inside of one that we have turned on its side, scrubbing away. I don't even bother trying to keep dry. The front of my shirt is spotted with droplets of water, and the knees of my jeans are soaked through.  

"What are you doing?"   

I jerk and bang my head on the water trough. 

It's E who has startled me. I rub my head and refrain from snapping back with, "What's it look like?" 

  "What do you need?" I ask instead.   

"Come here, I need you to hold a horse."   

I follow him down the alleyway and through the barn, where he has a four year old gelding loose in the roundpen. E lets himself in with the horse and latches the gate behind him. The horse spooks and trots away when E walks inside. E increases his pace to keep up, and steps on the long line that the horse is dragging from his halter. He bends down to pick it up and reels him in like a fish. 

"Ok, come hold him while I put the saddle on."  

I join him inside with the big gelding.   

"Hey fella." I croon to the horse, taking the lead rope. I look into his brown eyes, and see Toby. My throat tightens. E grabs his saddle blanket and western saddle, and slowly approaches me and the horse.  

"Hold him still." E instructs.   

As soon as the bay gelding catches a glimpse of E with the saddle out of the corner of his eye, he immediately begins snorting and spooking. I hold on to the lead rope trying to get him to calm down, but he is having none of it.   

"I said hold him still!"   

When I am finally able to get him to stand relatively still, E slaps the saddle on his back and quickly begins doing up the cinches. The horse is tense, and I know I am holding on to a live wire. It is plain to see he is not comfortable with this. My energy is doing nothing to help him.   

"Ok give him here, but wait around because after he bucks himself out I am getting on. You'll probably have to hold him again."  

Is he crazy? I hold the rope out of his reach. 

"No." I reach for the cinches and let them down gently. Then I ease the saddle from his back.   

"What in the hell are you doing? We just got that on him!" E's voice rises.  

"Exactly! You're not going to do this to him. It's going to be a wreck." I think back to the filly I watched E ride the other day.   

"I know what I am doing! Don't you think I may have done this a time or two?" E unloads on me.  

But, I don't care.   

"Any idiot can see that this horse is not ready for this. You don't want his first experience with a saddle and rider to end up in a huge bucking fit! Do you?" I spit.