Who I Am With You

Chapter 8

I get over being mad at Eric pretty quickly. He's still nice enough to me even though he's done pursuing a relationship with me. And I grudgingly admit, he's right about me being closed off. I guess it was dumb for me to think he wouldn't notice how private and reserved I am. I mean naturally, people are going to ask about personal shit  when they're trying to get to know you. But, what can I do? I have too much buried in my past and I would like for it to stay underground. 

Eric is the type of guy who's in it for the long haul. Even though he's still young, he's not your typical dude just out looking for a girl to mess around with. But I just can'tn't handle anything serious right now. Eric is better off with someone who has the same intentions that he does. And that's not me.   

I let it go and pour myself into Jasper. We've got him in the bridle and long reins, and he's beginning to learn how to use his body and carry himself in balance. E holds the long reins, and with subtle cues, directs the horse to change direction at the trot in the outdoor arena. Jasper's rhythm and cadence is already beginning to develop. He floats around E on the double lunge, one ear flicked in the direction of his trainer.  E's own abilities haven't taken long to cultivate. Once he got the feel for this ground training, it's been smooth sailing. He has proved to be as talented a horseman on the ground as he is in the saddle. I feel like they're both ready to ride.    

"And halt." I call, slipping down off the fence.   I walk across the arena and join horse and human at its center, a bubble of nervous adrenaline in my chest.   "Ok. He's ready."   

E holds my gaze steady for a second, and then sets to work adjusting Jasper's tack. I remove one of the long reins and clip it beneath Jasper's chin. E hangs the other long line on the fence and returns with a look of determination on his face.   

"Hey," I grab his arm just above his elbow as he walks up to Jasper and reaches for the cinch. His head whips around at the feel of my hand. The look in his eyes causes me to let my hand fall away awkwardly. His eyes bore into mine. I guess touching him before when I was showing him what to do was ok, but this type of touching is not. I keep my hands at my sides.  

"Don't go into this with your boxing gloves on." I remind him.   

He visibly tries to relax. He recognizes that every time he has ever gotten on an unridden horse the outcome has been unpredictable. Some of the horses ride like champs, and some have reacted wildly, trying to rid him from their backs. He has always had to put a foot in the stirrup ready for the worst, and with steeled determination that he would come out on top. Literally.     

But, if he gets on this colt today with that same attitude, it is likely to end in disaster. All the time we have invested in this horse to gain his trust will be wasted if E gets on him with the expectation of a fight.   

"Just pretend like he's one of the old ranch horses, that would never dream of giving anyone a moment's trouble."   He nods and mounts up.  

 I take a deep, calming breath. I'm usually the one in the saddle, not on the ground controlling the horse. But, I don't want to ride and I know E wants to be the first person on this horse's back and so this is how it is.   

Jasper stands politely while E settles into the saddle. He is not troubled at all by the human astride his back. E strokes the horse's neck gently, and I see his shoulders rise and fall in a calming breath of his own. It seems as though Jasper is the only one out of the three of us who has his shit together.   

"Alright. Time to get going. I'm going to ask for the walk."  

 Jasper quietly obeys my direction to begin walking a circle around me. His attention shifts from E to me and back again, but he does not become nervous. I let Jasper walk several laps and grow accustomed to E's weight on his back in motion for the first time. We change direction next. E helps guide the horse with his reins and legs from the saddle and I use my positioning from the ground to do the same, and together we get Jasper to reverse directions. He walks confidently around me clockwise.