saudade
/souˈdädə/
noun
a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; the love that remains
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this is a sequel to "trouvaille" the description contain...
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BILLIE EILISH
"she said oh," i threw my hands up. "the fuck is that?!"
i paced around the green room. finneas watched me as i did. "like— who the fuck just says oh when someone tells them that they love them?!"
"maybe she was just shocked?" finny raised a brow.
"it's not like she didn't know that i love her; i used to tell her a billion times a damn day that i love her!"
"yeah, but that was three years ago." he pointed out.
"yEaH, bUt ThAt WaS tHrEe YeArS aGo." i mocked him.
he rolled his eyes. "you know, i'm honestly surprised you're not crying right now."
i sent him a glare, then mumbled "i did that last night."
last night, i told ag that she could sleep in the bedroom, while i slept in one of the bunks. mainly so that i could cry without her knowing, but also because i couldn't be around her at the moment.
"have you talked to her about it yet?" finneas asked.
"no." i muttered, kicking at the ground.
i thought back to yesterday.
"why are you looking at me like that?" she blushed.
"'cause," i answered, then scanned her face for a few moments. "i love you."
she froze up, not saying anything for a moment. "oh." she mumbled.
my brows furrowed. "oh?"
she avoided my eyes, not saying anything. i stared at her in disbelief for a second before scoffing. i got out of her lap and started to leave the green room.
"billie, wait—" she started, but i cut her off by shutting the door.
"and why not?" finneas asked.
"'cause i don't want to." i grumbled as i walked over and laid on the couch.
i grunted as he then laid on top of me and wrapped his arms around me tightly. "you need to. this is one of the reasons y'all broke up in the first place; because you don't know how to communicate."
"i do too," i argued, then quietly added. "now i do."
i pushed him off of me, because his big ass is heavy as fuck and was crushing me. he fell onto the floor. "i just don't want to." i sat up, though still remained sitting on the couch.
"okay, that fucking hurt," he complained as he reached a hand up to rub at his head from where he just hit it on the ground. "but you need to talk to her. you want to get her back right?"
