Until Your Last Breath (Troyler)

Chapter Nine

Troye POV

Author's Note: This is a time skip to the next morning, after Tyler's operation.

I woke up curled on the small sofa that the hospital provided, groaning as I stretched from the very uncomfortable sleep. Why wasn't I in bed? Where was Tyler's arms? The memories of yesterday came flooding into me. The dread that I had been accustomed to returned, my stomach swirling with anticipation and anxiety.

I sat up and tried to process everything. Zoe and Alfie, I needed to find them. I got up and ran to the room Tyler was last in. I was running, when something collided with me.

"T-roye, I was on m-my way to tell you so-omthing." Zoe had mascara dripping her cheeks, her small frame shaking. She wiped frantically at her eyes, a small son escaping her lips. Oh no, this can't be what I think it is, I am going to walk into his room and Tyler is going to be alive. Tyler is alive.

"Yeah?" My voice was more like a breath of air; I was terrified to hear what Zoe had to say.

"Yesterday, Al-lfie a-and I left after you fell as-sleep on the chair. We could h-a-ardly sleep bec-cause we were so-o worried about him." Zoe was hiccuping her words, desperate gasps taking over her body.

"So w-e came th-his morning to see him, whe-en you were s-till sleeping." She buried her face into my chest, I could feel my heart sinking as I realised what she was about to say. I was not ready for this.

"Y-yeah?" I could hear my heart pounding, the blood rushing around my body. I was holding my breath, my hands in tight fists. I knew what she was going to say, I couldn't deny it, it just seemed impossible to me.

"T-yler's dea-d Troye." I shut my eyes as I sank to the ground. I fucking knew it, but I couldn't believe it, it seemed so far away from reality. Tears flowed out of my eyes, my heart shattering into pieces, I couldn't breathe, I physically couldn't.

Gasps tore themselves out of my body, mixing with my cries, I needed air. He's gone, my boyfriend is gone. I wouldn't be able to wake up next to him, I wouldn't be able to hear his beautiful laugh, I would never see him smile again, Tyler is dead.

I screamed his name, but that wouldn't make him come back and kiss me once more, hug me once more, nothing would make him come back. I was crouched on the ground, my palms and knees on the floor. I was crying furiously, my chest shaking with the force. The pain in my heart was indescribable; it felt like it had been ripped in half.

I ran to his room, my vision blurring as I sprinted I flung myself into the operation room he was in, my eyes flying to his body lying still on the bed in the centre of the room. One nurse sat on a chair on one side of the room, his head in his hands, another nurse stood by Tyler's dead body, looking down at him sadly.

My hand flew up to my mouth, a loud gasp escaping my lips. I rushed to his side, taking his hand in mine, my other hand cupping his cheek. He's not dead, he'll open his eyes and smile at me with a toothy grin, eyes twinkling and I'll tell him how much he scared me, then he'll tell me he's feeling fine. I told myself desperately, my warm tears falling onto Tyler's. The longer I waited the more I knew it wasn't going to happen. I held his hand tighter, like if I clasped onto his hand tight enough he'd respond with a squeeze of his own fingers. I felt myself falling, through a dark hole of despair, everything getting progressively worse by the second, this wasn't something I could escape.

Darkness started to take over my body as I collapsed under the weight of everything. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alfie sprinting towards me. Zoe was too, and soon she was on the ground, her hand on my back.

"Troye, w-e are going to b-be okay." She kept whispering to me, repeating that one phrase.

I finally passed out, my body falling into an unconscious haze.

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Alfie drove us home later on that day, Zoe and I being too emotionally unstable to do anything. I stared outside the window, although hardly seeing anything because of the pouring rain. The radio played quietly in the background, 'Half a Heart' by One Direction immediately reminding me of Tyler, tears brimming in my eyes once again.

'Being here without you, it's like I'm waking up to..'

'Only half a blue sky, kinda there but not quite'

'I'm walking 'round with just one shoe, I'm half a heart without you'

I failed again at trying to keep tears in, pain returning to my chest as I listened to the lyrics.

'I'm half a man at best, with half an arrow in my chest.'

'I miss everything we do, I'm half a heart without you.'

I leant my head against the window, closing my eyes, feeling hot tears slide down my face. I hadn't been able to think since I found out. Tyler's death had never left my thoughts, always succeeding in making me tear up again.

It was silent the drive home, but it was comfortable, giving me time to think. We ate dinner on their sofa once again, watching the TV although I wasn't really paying attention to whatever was on the screen.

"He didn't deserve it." Alfie spoke up, choosing his words carefully as none of us wanted to say any words relating to death. Alfie was strong, I could tell he was affected; he just didn't outwardly show it.

"I know." I sighed, playing with my food with a fork. Tyler definitely didn't deserve death, no one deserves death. Death was such a terrible thing, it took everything away from you and no one needed that.

That was the only conversation all evening, everyone silently grieving. The only other thing I said was goodnight to the couple, before lying in bed with my laptop. I scrolled through my tumblr, quickly going past all the posts of fangirls freaking out over the selfie Tyler and I had posted yesterday at the beach. I couldn't take my mind off him; I kept having flashbacks to times we had spent together. I couldn't think properly, my body felt like a dead weight although I was too numb to cry.

I sighed and placed my laptop on the bedside table, removing my feet from underneath the sheets. I stood up and switched on the light, searching the room for a pen and paper. I had this urgent need to write out my feelings, to get them on paper. I guess this is why I loved song writing, I had always felt like I needed to get my thoughts and feelings out there.

When I found a pen and a sheet of paper, I sat on the bed, leaning over and using the bedside table to write on the piece of paper. I shut my eyes and sighed, before joining my pen to the paper and writing. I needed to write a letter to Tyler.

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Author's Note: IM EDITING THIS CHAPTER BC IT WAS TOO SHORT FOR MY LIKING AND IM CRYING hi people great start THANK YOU FOR 49 READS LIKE HOLY SHIT WOW THATS ALMOST FIFTY wow thats cool there has been almost fifty reads of this crappy fic anyway bye its friday night and id rather be watching youtube videos hahah when i was younger i thought id be cool and go to parties every friday night when i grew up, turns out I sit and eat ice cream while writing gay fanfiction and fangirl over people i havent met IM SUCH A PARTY ANIMAL!!!1!!1

Vote, comment, follow, anD PHAN BALLROOM DANCING (still not over that, when's the wedding?)

- Jade x