kill me{marauders+regulusblack}

back to school

5 January 1975

After what seemed a long break exchanging letters with their and crying on the beach when she thought no one knew, she was back at school. Her and James had told their friends so now there were no secrets between them, yet Natasha still felt like she was keeping a secret. She had been having nightmares. Each night, she would be in a room. There was pictures smashed around her on the floor; picture of her friends. Her reflection was her, but older, she assumed. Her hands were cut, there was banging on the other side of the door. She would continuously be muttering the same thing under her breath,

"Why not me? Why not me?"

She would wake up crying, not in fear or sadness but anger. She dreaded the night, she wanted to escape the feeling of being chained to a fragment of her mind. She had written a letter to Remus about it, but then torn the letter up and tossed it in the fire. They had watched it burn, and felt a moments relief.

When she woke up on the 5th of January, her bags were already packed sitting in a neat pile in the kitchen. James had stayed the whole holiday in the end. He was cooking breakfast in the kitchen with Emrys, joking about.

"Hungry, Nat?" Emrys called up the stairs.

Natasha called back down, "Nah, don't worry about it!"

"I wasn't."

Natasha rolled her eyes, and got out of bed. They were going back to school, which was her safe haven. Once they were dressed, they went downstairs and sat waiting for the clock to hit 10:45am. James was smiling at her from across the table and her siblings were arguing over who gets the last bit of toast. Nat reached across and grabbed it.

"What the absolute f-" Marlene started, with their other siblings nodding.

"I wanted toast. Haven't had any yet." Natasha smiled at her twin. "You can have it. I mean, if you're okay with the strawberry jam."

"Wanker."

At that moment, their parents walked in. Mrs. McKinnon grimaced, "Ah Marls. None of that now."

"Get your shoes on kids. Time to go." Mr. McKinnon called from the hall. "The portkeys only a short walk a way."

"Thought we were apparating." Jason said.

"We were." Mrs. McKinnon said, shortly. She then decided to elaborate, " There was a change in plans. Work set it up for us."

James realised they hadn't spoke about their jobs, but they left and returned on a schedule; " Where do you work, Mrs. M?"

"Around." She hesitated, a darkness crossed her eyes, "Why? You heard something kid?"

"No, ma." Natasha cut in, " Course, he hasn't. What would there be to hear?"

She looked at James, his curls in his eyes. They wanted to reach out, and run away with him. She wanted to scream, and ask for help. She was sworn to secrecy. If she said anything to him, he would be at risk.

Marlene grabbed Nat's hand and pulled her through the door. The older McKinnon's were levitating their suitcases along. Emrys and Jason were walking along debating about how many O.W.L.S Jason had got, Emrys had only missed one and that was astronomy. James was following the group and Natasha and Marlene were behind them all running around, talking about the new term and lessons. Marlene had also received a letter of Dorcas saying that Dorcas had broken up with her boyfriend, Jake Longbottom.

They finally got to the portkey, a literal key, on a bucket in a neighbouring villagers garden. As the key began to glow a ominous blue, they reached out to put a fingertip on the key. The train circled into view and whistles filled the air.

"Oh shit! Don't wanna be late. Ma, Pa see you later." Natasha said, ducking a kiss from them and dragging James behind them. It didn't take them long to find the boys. But Mary was also in there, nearly on Sirius' lap. Remus had his head in the Daily Prophet, glancing up at them every now and then. His hair had grown long again, he had it hung over his face in a sulking manner. Peter was watching his cousin all over Sirius, traumatised. Natasha and James sled into the seat next to Sirius and Mary. Natasha lent over the pair and squeezed Remus' hand. He looked up at them, and smiled half-heartedly. His eyes flickered over his best friend and the girl once more; and he was back into the newspaper.

"So, Mary, get up to anything fun this Christmas?" Natasha awkwardly tried to break the ice.

"Oh, not really. I got a new wand; my last one stopped working half way through the last term."

"Well aren't you lucky?" Remus snapped. He stood up, and seemed to forget what he was doing. Remus looked around, and stalked out of the carriage.