{KilluGon OneShots}

13. {anxiety attack}

~this is an angst one shot where Killua gets anxiety attacks/has an anxiety disorder and just dark thoughts in general so just a warning if you aren't comfortable with that you can skip to the next one shot - he's all ok in the end tho :)~

~Gon and Killua are dating in this one~

3rd person p.o.v

Killua sat there left alone with only his thoughts. Gon was out with another one of his friends and Killua never told him that he woke up this morning with a severe headache that may or may not have been from a terrible nightmare the night before. As he remembered flashes from the scenes he dreamed about, his heart pace quickened a bit. When he noticed his heartbeat was faster he knew he needed to clam down. Anxiety attacks weren't a mystery to him. They weren't anything new. But whenever he felt one coming on he also knew he should call for help. Gon was busy though. 

"No, he isn't. Just call him"

"He loves you."

 "No he doesn't."

Killua's brain rushed with good and bad case-scenarios and he shivered, feeling like he had a fever. 

"Call Gon." 

"No he's busy."

"He'll answer." 

"He'll help you."

"But-"

"Call him."

As Killua's thoughts battled each other, he felt like a plug that had been pulled out of the bathtub. His breath shortened and he felt panic rising to the top of his throat. Now the panic of having an attack made it worse. An imaginary knife felt as if it was cutting through him. Deep down he knew that Gon loves him. But his brain didn't know. And his heart just...wasn't paying attention. All the fear he experienced started to run though his mind in different flashes. Right now his brain was focused on four hundred different things and none of them made sense. His  heart rate was now extremely fast, as if he just ran a marathon. The pain in his chest felt like someone had stabbed him and twisted the knife. He needed only one thing: Gon.

Suddenly he heard the door open and a familiar green haired person walked in. 

"Killua?" Gon asked. Suddenly he noticed him on floor and immediately realized what was happening. 

"Oh my god Killua! You should have called me!"

Killua looked at him and hot tears poured down in rivulets onto the floor. He was trembling and sweating.

"I-...I-" he tried to talk, but it was hard to make out a single word.

"Shh-shh," Gon took his hands and stroked Killua's back. When he made him count to 10 a couple times and slowed down his breathing, he looked into Killua's eyes and asked, "Do you need anything? Nod if you do, and shake your head if you're ok."

Killua shook his head and Gon took him into his arms. Then after a moment of silence, he heard Killua sniffling which means the worst of it was over.

"What's wrong," Gon whispered.

"I-...I don't deserve you. I never have. I just got lucky that's all. I'm just a worthless problem."

"Killua, I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. I couldn't live without you. Just because you have attacks like this doesn't mean you're worthless, or a problem, that means that I get to take care of you and love you. And see you're beautiful face every single day. And if that means that I have to be there for your anxiety attacks, I will make that tiny sacrifice for something as amazing as you."

After another 10 seconds or so of silence, Killua started to sob again and he buried his head into Gon's chest while he hugged him back. 

"Thank you," Killua whispered, not sure if Gon even even heard him.

"I love you," Gon responded and kissed his forehead.

"I love you too."

~13th oneshot! I'll probably update in the next three days or so~