Love and Hate (paused)

I hate you

I didn't re-read it sorry I'm tired I did  a lot today enjoy readying.

Dixies POV: I was tipsy and annoyed and most definitely paranoid and charli didn't even care. I looked for her and she was with a guy that was probably using her by his looks, and whoever he thought he was. I woke up and had a slight headache but it was gone a hour later with a bit of Advil. Me noah and Delilah got dressed the family was supposed to be having dinner but they change it too lunch which I wasn't going to like going too. We went swimming and then went to the lunch place. Today would be a bit boring but tmr would be so much fun because we would be arriving in Hawaii. Me noah and Delilah sat down and then everyone came me and charli had tension as we wouldn't talk specifically to each other as we normally did. Addi then brought up the topic of charli and chase which made me a bit upset and charli notice. Charli said to me "what's wrong dixie," I gave her a sarcastic smile and said in a smart ass tone "oh nothing char I mean chase looks so nice. What did y'all do last night," charli was a bit taken back and said firing right back but picking up her voice tone "oh yes let's tell everyone. We Reiner chase from last night dinner well I ask for his number which he gave to me and then we went to the pool. Dixie needed mr to watch Delilah because she wanted to go get waisted at the bar. So she walked around for what she calls hours to find me and then she did. She started yelling at me and insulting me and you don't mess with me so I fired back talking about how she dropped us all for someone who used her," I was not one to back down but when I said this it was a bit extreme even for me so i and said "char did y'all have sex," the parents room Delilah and promised her ice cream. Charli looked at me and smiled "actually you would be surprised um we didn't but you to talk I'm not the whore you are," I was not a whore I jus made a mistake "I am not the fucking whore," she laughed and looked at noah who's head was up but eyes were dropped when she looked back at me she smirked "what was his name....griffin," who the hell did she think she was "yes it was you remembered that's funny your were the one who forgot everything," charli didn't back down though and didn't even look affected when she then said "awww memories you have none of them because you left dixie. You kissed everything. I really want you to tell me In the time that you could have talked to us and still avoided noah what do remember," this is where she got me but I wanted to seem like I knew something the words wouldn't come out though so she said "exactly dixie you don't fucking remember you left your sister during high school the most difficult time of my fucking life. I had noah and the rest of them. Noah and Bryce helped me they were the brothers that I needed. Addi became my sister because you left dixie I had been cheated on, I was touched when I didn't want to, dixie I fucking wanted to die, and you don't know how much I couldn't fought if you just were there. You didn't have to talk to me the bare minimum was me wanted to talk to my sister. Dixie you are my fucking sister but you treated me like a rebound. You came to me and I left you talk and then as soon as I opened my damn mouth it was I have to go," she was balling her eyes out, I was about to cry, and addi was balling too. I didn't even realized I caused all of this I said out of hatred to myself "charli"- she cut me off though "addi so you want to tell the bitch what you have been through," addi said getting more mad than sad through every word "dixie you were my best friend. You promised me so much that you would be there but one guy and you were gone you left my brother none functioning. You left your sister wanted to kill herself and then you had me with your brother I had like 20 pregnancy scares and I hated myself because I felt like a whore even though it was only Bryce and god I love him but he was being a dick due to how you left. He was licking to still have some king of contact with you but he was hurting and then he would take his anger out on me not by touching because he knew better but causing a lot of  bad fights that were both of our faults. I got pregnant and me and Bryce and the rest of the family grew something with my baby and then it died and I had a fucking miscarriage. Then it happened again and I went to the doctor and I count have kids, I had to talk to charli the one who had enough difficulty in her life and you were just perfect not a fucking care In the world," the guilt was building I me but I didn't say anything. I really couldn't. I looked at noah and he was crying I cause all of them pain I knew that but I didn't know I had missed their lives too. "I'm so sorry I didn't know," charli and addi spoke at the same time "how could you," then charli said "you were living your perfect life and we had to see you through instagram or magazines," addi said "dixie you left your siblings your best friend, the love of your life and for what to cause us pain for 2 years and then come back and act like everything was fine," charli said again "noah loves you so much he bottle up his feelings for you he also went through many therapy sessions, many bars dixie. He went through a bunch of hospital for drinking to much and a couple times for taking his life," omg I looked at noah and tears were steaming down his face. I then finally spoke "noah"- he cut me off I'm a soft tone saying "I love you but you tore us apart me at ally literally you had the choice dixie you didn't have to leave you wanted to. I don't know why but you did. I had to be there and then scroll through your Instagram and cry myself to sleep. For the sake of everyone else you could have kept touch with them and still not have talking to me but you didn't make a effort," it was really hitting me. I fucked go I knew that but know it was empty ness I hurt the people in my life who put everything into everything's me anything I did. "No no no I don't know what to say. I didn't tknow that you went through all of this I know It's my fault but,- addi said cutting me off once again "yeah you know it's your fault but you haven't owned up to it," she and Bryce stood up and left and then charli and chase did chase saying nice letting us. Me and Noah were left there I knew he wasn't mad but he was sad. I grabbed his hand "baby I so so sorry you don't deserve this you didn't and shouldn't I put you thought this and I don't know how to forgive myself. I'm sorry you had to take my spot in many peoples life. I sorry that you didn't have sometime to talk to while you were putting your everything into other things. I love you and I don't know what I would do without you and yes I know I have been without you but it was the worst. I will always choose you and now I know that," all noah said before kissing me was "it will get better I promise my love," what the hell did I do.