Stronger Together (bxb) ✔

Chapter 38 - Chase

Chase's POV

Diego and I greet Bryan as I'm about to get into the car. While sliding into the seat moments later, I glance back towards the house and giggle when I see Jesse and Bryan snogging like there's no tomorrow. I buckle my seatbelt and wait for Diego to get in.

"Do you still want to go to the film festival?" Diego asks, starting the car.

The outcome of the case that has yet to begin is weighing on my mind. I'm terrified that if they are found not guilty in court, they will try to hurt me for dragging their names through the mud and I will become the victim of a retaliation crime.

I know it's too early to start worrying about that, but ever since Dean called this morning, those thoughts have plagued my mind. The main reason my sanity stayed intact was the promise of seeing Diego and going to the film festival. I'm hoping that through this, I can find some inspiration for my own work.

Since that night, the only thing that I've worked on is the short birthday video for Shawn. I haven't even been able to look at the script which I was working on previously. It just doesn't have the same pull as it once did and I'm not as passionate about it, despite the fact that I've already put a lot of work and research into it.

"Chase?" Comes Diego's gentle voice, pulling me from my thoughts.

I look towards the beautiful man sitting next to me and smile. Somehow with him by my side, I think I'll be alright and Jesse did say to trust my lawyers.

I know Dean has been working tirelessly on my case, to the extent where over the past week, Shawn has spent more nights sleeping on the couch in Dean's office than at either of their homes. As a thank you for all of his hard work, Shawn and I made lunch for Dean everyday last week, and though it's not nearly enough to express my gratitude, it's a start.

"I want to go," I reply, my voice coming out barely above a whisper.

Diego hums a response but doesn't say anything else and I'm left to my thoughts.

I really hope they will be found guilty. How could they plead not guilty? I clearly didn't want what they were doing to me to happen and Mike knew that I wanted to wait. Should I have been clearer? What else could I have done to stop them? Was it really all my fault? If they're right about not being guilty, does that mean that they're right about me being filthy and disgusting? Am I really pathetic? Did I deserve-

I don't realize that I am hyperventilating until I feel a warm squeeze on my hand, dragging me back to reality. I blink furiously as I gasp for air. My body is trembling and it feels like it will fall apart at any moment, yet the comforting hand on mine is keeping me grounded.

My eyes drift towards the hand on my skin and I watch as it is yanked away, back towards its owner. "I'm sorry Chase! I know you said you don't like to be touched. I didn't know what else to do. I called you several times after I pulled over but you didn't respond. I'm really sorry!" Diego's voice is laced with concern and his eyes are filled with worry, as if asking the silent question of what he did to trigger this panic attack.

My lungs are refusing to cooperate and my breathing is still shallow. The self doubt is like a noose around my neck forcing me to submit to my negative thoughts. Without thinking, I reach out and grab Diego's hand. Comfort and security spread over me and the noose loosens as Diego intertwines our fingers, using his other hand to caress the back of mine.

As I stare into Diego's reassuring, chocolate brown eyes and try to steady my breathing, I can't help but wonder; is this what love is? Is it being with someone who will take care of you and look out for your best interests? Maybe it's being with someone who makes you smile and with whom you can talk about anything.

Does love mean being with someone who is happy to spend time with you, even if it's just on a phone call? Is it knowing that you can trust them and that no matter what horrors are going on in your head, you don't have to be afraid of sharing?

If it is, then maybe I'm in love with Diego. I'm not sure, but what I do know is that I finally think I'm ready to officially date him.

Even though I'm a mess and I still don't think I'm good enough for him, I want to date him. I haven't managed to scare him off with my panic attacks, mood swings and no touching rules so I don't think that if I tell him about what happened that night he will stop showing interest.

With the speed of a snail, I place my hand on top of Diego's and he graces me with a smile that showcases his heart stopping dimples, causing my heart to flutter. "I know I'm a mess and I'll tell you why, but not now. Right now, I just want to spend time with you and forget about my worries. I really do want to go to the film festival with you."

"You know I'm really good at distracting you. Do you want me to tell you some more about my past or we can decide the next movie that we should watch together or maybe another pizza debate? Anything you'd like, little lamb. Ask and I'll do it." Sincerity is dripping from every word spilling out of his mouth and it makes my heart swell with joy.

I couldn't have asked for a better man to fall into my life or more accurately for me to fall into his life.

A bright smile lights up my face as I glance down at our intertwined and overlapped hands. Even if the case doesn't end in a conviction, I'll get through it. My friends and family aren't going anywhere and neither is Diego. My gaze returns to his face and my mind momentarily goes blank as I take in his radiante face which is full of admiration. Admiration that is directed towards me.

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?" I ask once I've regained control of my mind.

As much as I want to look away and hide my face in embarrassment at the fact that I just asked out Diego, I can't.

I watch as he gasps and his dimples deepen as he tries to show me all thirty two of his teeth in the most radiant smile I've ever seen. His eyes sparkle with a look of pure adoration that makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful person in the world. It makes me feel like I'm totally deserving of this perfect man sitting next to me.

"Yes! Without a doubt!" Diego's voice comes out in an excited whisper and I see tears of happiness gathering at the corners of his eyes. "We'll continue to take things at your pace, this doesn't have to change the way we interact with each other if you don't want it to."

"I'm okay with hand holding for now," I mumble, looking away and I hear Diego chuckle. I take a deep breath before blurting out, "did you really mean it when you said that we can take things at my pace?"

Diego gently taps the top of the hand that he's holding and my eyes wander back to him. "Yes. I'll wait as long as you want me to."

I study his face as he is talking and it's clear that he'll wait for me. "You won't regret waiting for me?"

"Never," Diego promises.

I release a breath I didn't know I was holding before smiling. "We have a film festival to go to and you have some distracting to do! Ooh, how about you finish telling me about the time you got lost in China and couldn't communicate with anyone!" I exclaim and Diego chuckles.

He gives my hand one last squeeze before reluctantly retracting it and starting the car. I instantly miss his comforting touch, so I reach over and put my hand on his knee, causing Diego to smile brightly.

We laugh and talk the entire way to the film festival and my boyfriend is effective in temporarily shutting out my worries.

What do you think would be your definition of love?

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