Stronger Together (bxb) ✔

Chapter 18 - Chase

Chase's POV

Diego's deep set dimples light up his entire face as he smiles at me. His dark chocolate brown eyes trace my features as he reaches out a hand. I tense as his hand approaches my face. He halts, his hand hanging in mid air. I raise my head looking into his eyes. They are filled with warmth; a type of warmth and adoration that I've never seen before and I feel like I can trust him. I move my head towards his hand and his fingers brush against my cheek. He tentatively cups my face and I smile, letting out a sigh of content. He takes a step closer and my smile widens.

"Can I kiss you Chase?" His deep voice sends shivers down my body. I really want him to kiss me! I nod my head leaning towards him. His thumb gently brushes over my lips. His eyes flutter close and he leans towards me. Smiling, I close my eyes, ready to feel his lush lips on mine.

I open my eyes when I don't feel our lips connect. I blink quickly trying to adjust to the sunlight streaming through my window and sit up slowly in my bed rubbing my eyes. Woah! This is the first time since I came out of the coma that I didn't have a nightmare; the first time I wasn't transported back to that night.

My eyes widen. I can't believe I actually dreamt about Diego! And it was a dream about him touching me! Since that night, I don't like people touching me. It generally makes me feel uncomfortable and disgusted, almost sick. The only person that can still hug me is Jesse, not even Mason and Justin.

But I want Diego in so many ways. So many ways that I thought I would never want another man. And the scary part is that I only saw him for all of five seconds on a video call! Still, I want him. I want him to give me attention, to hold me, to caress my cheeks, to kiss me.

What is wrong with me? Did I not learn my lesson with Mike? How can I even think about trusting him! Let alone him touching my body!

I should have been disgusted by even the thought of wanting Diego. But I wasn't. In my dream I felt comfortable with him. In my dream, I wanted everything that he was doing to me. But in reality I know I'm not ready. I know I won't be comfortable. I know I won't even be able to have a proper conversation with him without panicking. I know I won't let him touch me.

I don't know if I can ever trust him, or anyone with my heart and body. I don't know if he'll even want me. I'm too broken. Even if by some miracle he does want me I know he won't wait until I'm ready. Mike proved that it's impossible to wait.

Despite the impossibility of it ever working out, I can't help but think about how alluring he was. When he smiled at me yesterday on that video call, I felt like I was seeing the secrets of the universe, like I was gazing upon the face of an angel. When he spoke, his deep voice enchanted me. I wanted to hear him talk forever. My name rolled off his tongue like it was meant just for him to say.

I smile as I continue to fantasize about dating Diego or even talking to him even though I know I won't do either of those. "Boo!!" I suddenly hear from right beside my ear.

"Aaaaaaaaahhh!" I scream trying to hide under my blanket. Jesse bursts out laughing and I swing my foot in an attempt to kick him which he dodges and counterattacks by jumping on top of my blanket covered form and tickling me.

"Aaahhh no Jesse stooooop!" I scream through a fit of giggles as I try to tickle him back. Jesse plops down next to me and I untangle myself from the blanket.

"What were you thinking about when I came in? You were smiling so I wasn't going to disturb you but I couldn't resist the urge to scare you," he says and laughs when his poke to my side elicits a squeal.

I pull the blanket back up under my eyes and quietly say, "Diego."

"Oh my god! You like him! He's definitely into you!" Jesse grins excitedly clapping his hands.