Collateral Damage (Bucky Barnes x Y/N)

A wound that will never heal

Tears stained my face and it felt like needles were scraping the inside of my chest.

Somehow I had found myself sitting in the empty bathtub and had locked the door because if he followed me, like he always does, the sight of him might make my heart break.

I did this to him, I got so caught up with vengeance against a loving man who couldn't control his actions. Now his fate is sealed with death because I realised too late the beautiful man he was.

I stared at the floor of the tub, thinking back to what I saw myself as before all of this.

"Mommy! Gracie has done a stinky!"

"It's alright love, we just have to change her diaper that's all, let's do it together,"

"Ewwww I see poooooo!"

"It's alright let's just wipe her up, and now you put her diaper on, there's a good girl,"

"Mommy! Mommy! I did it!"

"Well done my love, you're a very good big sister,"

"I want to be good mommy one day like you,"

"I'm sure you will, I know it,"

I traced the scar across my stomach and felt more tears burn down my cheek. Caring for my sister is the most gratifying experience I ever had. Watching her grow and being there for her when she cried or catching her before she fell. I felt like I failed her when she died along with my mom. Hence I knew after that I wanted my own child to protect and this time I wouldn't fail them. Yet six years later the stab wound caused internal damage that put my chances to one in a million. It almost felt like my baby was killed before it was even thought of.

I knew I was better off alone, become a single mother maybe have a sperm donor I never had to meet be the father. I knew I'd be happy as a single mother.

My dream to watch my sister grow into an amazing human died when I was 10.

My dream to become a mother died when I was 16.

My dream to be with Bucky started and is about to die at 29.

I heard a knock at the door.

"Doll, please let me in,"

I closed my eyes feeling more tears fall.

I felt a lifetime of heart breaks rattling within my rib cage and every time a part of me always died.

"Doll?" The door handle rattled and he knocked several times.

"OPEN THE DOOR YOU LITTLE BITCH WE ARE NOT DONE HERE!"

My heart beat was ringing through my ears.

"FINE YOU ASKED FOR IT!"

The door smashed open and my step dad walked in wielding a knife.

"YOU STUPID LITTLE BITCH! THIS WILL TEACH YOU A LESSON!"

The pain of the blade entering my stomach was excruciating. I screamed as the blood poured into the bathtub.

"Right now let's continue shall we?"

"Honey I'm getting worried, please just say something so I know you're not like dead in the tub or something,"

I felt the pressure in my chest building and I couldn't help the small sobbing noises that came out.

"...oh doll," Bucky murmured through the door.
The sound of his voice was like a melody to my soul, yet the song it played was suddenly so heartbreaking.

"Honey I'm gonna open the door," he murmured.

There was a small crack sound and I saw the door open in the corner of my eye and Bucky quickly walk through it.

"Sweetheart," He murmured stroking my hair as I stared at my feet feeling I'd break again if I looked at him.

He sighed and climbed into the tub with me and pulled me into an embrace, then the tears didn't stop falling.

"Shhhhh, I'm here doll I'm here," he murmured.

"D-Don't give your life, please, I can't have another lifetime of heartbreak," I stuttered.

He sighed rubbing my back "The options are limited...but I promise you now I will find all possible options before we reach that one,"

I looked up at those steel blue eyes "You promise?"

He smiled and nodded "Yeah, leaving you behind would kill me inside,"

I felt more tears fall and I hugged him tight.

He drew circles on my back and kissed the top of my head "This might sound a bit forward and stuff but I really want to be with you for a long time, I want to take you to see the world, I want to take you on a proper date, I want to...have a life with you and we can be happy,"

I sighed "It sounds nice Bucky but you know I can't give you everything,"

"I know doll, I saw that look in your eye when you saw Clint's family I know deep down you want that and I promise you we will find a way, these days there are other ways to have a child, I know you'll me an amazing mom, like seriously I wouldn't want to be the kid who messes with your kid cause I know you'll rain hell on them,"

I let out a little laugh and he kissed my forehead in response.

"You're gonna be a mom doll I promise and I promise I'll we be there with you no matter what it takes,"

I sniffled and wiped my nose with my sleeve "You fucking better be,"

I fiddled with his dog tags reading them and sighed "I just rather these didn't have to fulfil their initial purpose...identifying the body,"

"It won't have to Doll I promise,"

I scanned the words on his dog tag "You tasted like a blood type B and you're a Protestant too, we'll definitely didn't have you down as super religious,"

Bucky raised an eyebrow "You can understand what it all means?"

I nodded "Yeah once I was part of a kind of assassin hunger games once, I was desperate for money, so the dog tags were used to firstly identify the body as it intended use and secondly the second tag would have been used for an assassin to claim the kill like their own medals if you will, the main difference between ours is we didn't have a next of kin,"

Bucky paused "What's a hunger game?"

I rolled my eyes "We are gonna have to work on your education otherwise you'll never understand a word I say to you,"

He smiled and caressed my cheek "I look forward to you teaching me,"