Dice [h.s.]

32

"The trouble is, you think you have time." -Buddha

Time. What an interesting concept. It defies all odds and when you need it most, it's nowhere in sight.

You never really know how much time you have left. It flies by in the blink of an eye. Time is something you can never get back.

I never understood the topic of time. Why do we have to measure time? Why is time so valuable? Why is it even a thing at all?

I finally know the answers to all those questions. We measure to make ourselves miserable. It's valuable because you can only receive it. And it's a thing, because without it we wouldn't know how much time we really have left.

Time never went by any slower last night. Harry had brought me back to his house, and left me there alone. I stared at a blank wall for hours, unable to capture anything in my mind.

It wasn't until he came back that I finally saw something. I saw grief. I saw anger. I saw despair. And I saw guilt. Harry's guilt.

We went to bed in separate rooms. Him in his, mine in the guest. He had told me before we parted that Niall had pulled a few strings and the funeral is tomorrow. I didn't even bother questioning since I was lost on time.

I guess we're all technically on borrowed time

This morning, I woke up very early. I slept maybe three hours and tossed and turned the rest. I got out of the big white bed similar to Harry's, threw on a crew neck, and walked out and to the kitchen downstairs.

I was expecting to see Harry there. Dressed, eaten, ready to start his day as per usual. Harry was there, but not how I expected.

Harry was sitting at the kitchen table with a laptop in front of him. His head was in his hands while he was only wearing grey joggers. He still had a messy bed head and what looked like a cup of coffee beside him.

It's probably whiskey but I'm not going to judge

I've never seen him like this. Unmotivated, messy, sad. I was kind of lost on what to do. But, I promised him that after yesterday I'd be there for him, so I will. I always keep my promises.

"Harry." I whispered while I walked closer to him at the table. He didn't move. He stood as still as a rock.

I grabbed a chair at the table and dragged it beside him. I sat down in the cold white chair and looked towards Harry. He still hadn't moved but now I could actually see his face.

It wasn't sad, it wasn't filled with tears. He looked tired, broken. Unfixable beyond unfixable.

"Harry." I whispered again and moved closer so our legs were rubbing against each other.

The touch made him flinch and move away as fast as he could.

"Hey, Harry. It's just me." I kept my voice low as I moved myself and the chair back towards him.

"Go away." Harry demanded in an angry and annoyed tone. I wasn't going to leave him though, he needs someone right now.

No matter how much he won't admit it

"I told you that after yesterday, I'd be here with you no matter what. And I am. So just let me sit here. You don't have to talk, you don't have to do anything. Just let me be here." I grazed my leg against his again, signifying that I was here and I was staying.

"Go the fuck away." Harry demanded again. His voice was slightly shaky but it was still stern.

"No." I barked back.