Dice [h.s.]

38

"It hurt because it mattered." -John Green

-

My dad had many sayings in his life. Most were very unwholesome and disgusting. They usually regarded things like how to kill and hurt people. But there were a few that stuck with me for good reasons.

For example, my father had this saying that he would tell me every single god damn time I tried to give up. He would say, "Kennedy, get your ass over here." Then he'd get down on his knees and bring his hands up to my cheeks.

He'd push away my hair and press a kiss to my forehead before clearing his throat and smiling, "You didn't come this far to only come this far." He'd rub my cheeks and pull me in for a big, fatherly hug.

And in that moment, I knew it was all going to be okay. That my accomplishments were worth it. That I was worth it. I deserved to fight and have more than I was offered.

Sitting in this quiet hospital room in a fresh set of clothes from my apartment and the haunting beeping of a heart monitor. I've never wanted to hear those words more in my entire life.

It's been a few hours since I had spoken to Harry. I went to his house, grabbed my things, and left. I went back home. To my home. I was living in a false reality when I needed to live in the present.

I took a shower, cried over Leonardo's blood stain on my carpet, drank a bottle of wine, changed into clothes more my style, and came right back here. To Natalie.

She'd been asleep since I got here a few minutes ago. Niall is getting released soon which I think is Harry's fault. Zayn and Liam have been coming in and out of Natalie's room while Louis is sleeping in the corner.

I myself am pacing the room. My heeled boots hit the tiled floor as my coffee influenced energy slowly drained from my bloodstream. It was just Louis and I right now, and the silence was killing me.

I glanced between a sleeping Louis and a passed out, injured Natalie. She looked like death, and I bet she even felt like it. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, feeling my leather jacket tighten around my arms.

I paced back and forth in the room, trying to find something to do or something to think about. I couldn't take it. The pain clawing at my heart that's just waiting for the right moment to pierce it, and break it.

I stopped my pacing and turned towards Natalie. Her rigid chest moved up and down in slow movements. The cuts on her face now had dry blood surrounding them, and the bruises were perfectly formed.

"I'll be back Nat." I whispered before I could even let myself think. I couldn't sit in this silence anymore.

I turned towards the door and pushed it open, revealing myself to the busy hospital hallway. Rushing up and down were nurses and doctors running to their patients.

I pushed past all the people, feeling the feeling of loneliness beginning to slowly take over. I scrambled through everyone until I found a glass door. On top of it it read, door to roof.

Immediately, I slammed into the door and rushed myself through it. I ran up the stairs and pushed the steel door at the top. Immediately my nostrils were met with the fresh smell of air.

I took a deep breath, letting in all the oxygen and chemicals I could into my body. It was nice, the breath of fresh air. The added bonus was the tiny adrenaline rush I was getting from being so high up.

The roof was plain with nothing but a big red helicopter pad on it. I probably shouldn't be up here, but I just needed to escape. The constant beeping was killing me slowly.