Dice [h.s.]

43

TW: mentions of suicide

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"We're not who we used to be" -Harry Styles

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Monsters. They're what we're scared of as kids. The monsters under the bed or the monsters hiding in your basement. They're the scariest thing to us, and it's our parents job to protect us from them. But what happens when your parents become the monsters under your bed? Or when you become the monster hiding in the basement? What do you do then? There's no one to turn to. No one to protect you. You're trapped. Everyone that protected you is gone. Your parents are miles away, your friends are off with their other friends. You're alone and being held captive by your scariest monster. Yourself.

My mother was never a monster. Well, up until she met my father. She was a young college student, studying to be the best lawyer the world had ever seen. She was going to save lives, not take them.

She met my dad one night in a bar on her only day off from school. She claims he was humble, at first. He told her he was a surgeon and that he had just come back from removing an inoperable tumor. She said she instantly fell in love, which quickly became the worst mistake of her life.

My father slowly chipped away small pieces of my mother and her happiness over time. He showed her what the dream life is, as she put it. Traveling the world, gambling your savings away, and lots of sex.

I didn't like hearing about that last part

But that's not what my mother wanted. She didn't want the extravagant life. She wanted to live in a small town, probably somewhere off the coast of Long Island. Have a big family and a loving husband to come home to everyday after work.

Instead, she was handed a tough life. A murderer for a husband who took away her dreams. A fucked up daughter who leaves her to die in the hands of her deranged uncle. And wounds that can never be healed.

Staring at my mother across the coffee shop, I could see every single scar she carried. She looked tired and worn out. Her hair was cut short, dangling across her shoulders.

Her shoulders were slouched as she sipped her coffee in her oversized sweater. Her jeans were worn out and ripped, exposing the many bruises along her legs.

She faced forward as I grabbed my coffee. She looked numb, lifeless. I couldn't help but think how that's not my mother. She was happy, joyous, and living. This was just her corpse.

My mother called me early this morning, begging to meet me for coffee. I was hesitant at first, assuming that Leonardo was gonna be there and try to talk me into joining him again. She insisted I come and denied that he was going to attend and so I said yes.

I told the guys I was here, just in case I needed rescuing. Harry could have cared less since he was stumped with taxes for the beginning of the month. Zayn and Liam were on an errand while Louis and Niall waited for me around the corner. We had an errand to run as soon as I was done.

I glanced towards the door then back at my lifeless mother, making sure I had a clear exit. She chose a table close to the door, probably so she could have a quick exit as well.

Like mother like daughter

I closed my eyes and let in a long deep breath before picking up my feet and walking towards the table. I hesitantly opened my eyes just before I reached the table, making unstable eye contact with my mom.