Vanilla, Cream and Strawberries (Unedited copy)

Chapter 16 - Unedited

Watching him leave the room made more tears fall. Oh god what had I done? She screamed at herself. Of course he wouldn't want her. She was so broken and ruined no one would ever want her. She knew she should have never admitted anything. Those private thoughts were meant to stay locked away in her mind. Those thoughts weren't really hers, they were Craig's. It was what he demanded of her. She'd got use to her safe-words being ignored, that with Craig she stopped saying them all together because he made sure she had no limit. How could she ever look at her best-friend again? She couldn't help it, she'd controlled the thoughts and the need for so long but Alex, his rough anger was enough to set her off like a fucking firework. She should have told her therapist and got help the proper way, but like always she was too fucking stubborn and now that simple mistake had probably ruined any chance she ever had at being happy with the twins.

He marched back into the room, carrying a white t-shirt, a black pair of boxers and a bottle of whisky.

"Put these on" He held them out and Ari took them. "Get the duvet and pillows will you?"

"Sure." Ari stood by the sofa, pulling the clothes while he moved the table out of the way and his brother set the duvet and pillows on the sofa making it comfortable. Alex sat down and pulled Arabella down into the middle, while Christian took the seat on her other side.

"I safe-worded because I'm disgusted with myself. You are the most precious thing in my life. You're my best friend, my lover and I love every precious hair on your beautiful fucking head. Tonight I pushed too far Arabella. I'm rough and I enjoy seeing you pain and I think that makes me a sick bastard but I enjoy it because it's done sexually. I don't and I won't ever fucking cause you pain because you think you deserve it. That's not right baby. I know you like pain and the thought of us going too far makes it real. But that... that wasn't healthy. I'll cause you pain I'm not saying I won't because I couldn't continue this arrangement without being able to let off my steam. But I'll do it for the right reasons. I like angry make-up sex and I was under the impression that's what I was about to dish out but baby I physically can't cause you pain like you wanted there. I'd feel like an abuser." Alex finished his speech and looked her in the eye.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to be like that" She started crying and the twins wrapped her up in their arms. "I've got to tell you something. Oh god. I didn't even tell my therapist this. I don't need pain to get off. Not to get me turned on or too cum. But when I used to get stressed or have bad days, Craig he used to dominate me, take the control way from me so I didn't have to worry. The stress got worse, I put myself under so much pressure taking three courses. I couldn't handle it. Craig started inflicting more and more pain. I didn't like it, he ignored me when I used my safeword, he said I needed it because I was weak and it would make me stronger, so I'd be able to handle the stress and the workload. And I guess today just brought it back. It was a hard day and my initial reaction was too want to be in pain for being weak"

"Son of a bitch" Ari could feel Christian visibly shaking in rage. "That's fucking sick. I've heard of pain relief. It becomes addictive and the submissive can become absolutely dependent on it just to make it through the fucking day" He was yelling and god Ari thought he looked like he could kill someone.

"Who did you go to after you left him?" Alex asked, the possessiveness was clear in Alex's demeanour.

"No one. I stopped completely. I didn't let anyone touch me for a year. Then I started going to the club and I learnt what he'd done to me was sick. I let a couple of people top me on stressful days, I done it the healthy way. Freely giving up my control to someone who I trusted and who wouldn't hurt me."

**

"It's all our fault" Alex sat on the sofa with a bottle of whisky in his hand, Christian had tried to take it off him but Alex only started to shout and Christian didn't want to wake Arabella up. "We should have fucking been there"