Vanilla, Cream and Strawberries (Unedited copy)

Chapter 27 - Unedited

For the first time in days, i was finally alone with my thoughts. Nagging, repetative thoughts. Happiness? such an abstract concept.. I thought i was happy before everything, before the twins had walked back into my life. But was i really happy on my own when i knew my soul mates were out there. I'd always known that they loved more than a sister, i mean they took my virginity didn't they? I was living a half life. Existing. But my life was ok, i managed. Is it possible to survive once you've been so deeply and profoundly in love... is it possible to walk away. Is it the right thing to do? I guess everyones different.. The question is did we have a future? and if we did, was i going to be giving that up?

"Arabella?" It had only been half an hour, yet Alex was already checking in

"Yes?" I knew i was being curt, but until i looked through the things in my head and came to the right decision, i could not and i would not draw them any closer than they needed to be

"I was just checking in, making sure you're ok. Did you need anything?" He was being so considerate, i couldn't help but feel my bottom lip start to shake. "Ari? Are you ok?" And in that moment he was beside me, holding my face in his hands and i couldn't deny how much i did truly love him, those eyes of his captured my heart everytime i looked into them. We still had our spark. So why did i feel so different? I nodded my head and pulled my face away.

"I'm sorry i was just thinking. I'm a bit hungry actually. Wouldn't mind something to eat?" Alex was on his feet, he finally had something to do for me and he hussled out of the door to make my demand come true.

**

"She seems odd" Alex stated as he walked into the kitchen, Christian looked up and debated saying what he really wanted to

"She's been through a lot"

"I don't think it's the rape thats eating her up" Alex stated bluntly

"Yeah i guess knowing your other half killed someone changes things" Christmas admitted, looking down at the book on his lap

"I don't think it's that bro, I don't look at you any differerently for it. It was the logical and right thing to do" Christian laughed, there was no humour to it.

"What are you saying Alex?"

"I'm saying I think to much has happened for her to deal with, everything we've been through, it must he head fucking her so badly, and she won't talk.. about anything. She asked me for food then i know for a fact she's not hungry. I just fuck i don't even know what i want her to do... just talk to us" Christian could see the affect everything was having on them, and despite being in their own home, hiding from the world. Nothing was the same, and Christian doubted things would ever go back to normal. The twins doubted she would run again but they knew it was a possibilty, it was her main game plan and usually the only one she had. She liked to escape from it not face it head on... and the twins knew they couldn't blame her for that, it was partly their fault, whenever things were bad with her parents, they would take her away and hide her from the arguments. It was all she knew.

**

No more running i needed to speak to them, We were in seperate rooms, i hadn't wanted to sleep with them, i didn't want false hope any of us. I put on some clothes, jeans, my fatefulls, skinny and faded from the wash, ripped in places as well but they were my comfort.. no bra and just a plan white T... I smile at myself in the mirror... no one would even notice i wasn't wearing a bra.. they were so small, maybe a boob job? i laughed myself out of the room with that thought.

It was 3am but they were both in the living room, Alex swearing and screaming at the tv, think someone had just kicked his ass on fifa,. typical he was so shit at it. Christian on the other hand was quiet and brooding,,, nothing unusual there, sat reading a book probably older than new york city itself, he didn't even hear me walk down the stairs.

"Guys, can we talk?"

How was i going to tell the only stable things in my life, that despite loving them, i was no longer in love with them.