⚠️ TW: CONTAINS SELF HARM ⚠️
*For right now the italicized is y/n remembering her childhood. regular words without quotes is 1st person. bold & italicized is 3rd person. *
"Jay stop it okay? your going to far now".
"BACK UP. I'M NOT FINISH WITH HER YET. SHE NEEDS TO CHANGE. SHE NEEDS TO BE NORMAL".
"Jay.... she's not responding anymore..."
"Jay is she okay"
"she's just playing , calm down "
"y/n , get up"
"y/n?"
"y/n wake up , it isn't funny anymore"
"h-hey , I-i'm gonna go get a teacher. "
these dreams just keep fucking happening.
either about the fucked up parts of my childhood or this mysterious sibling. I can't take this shit anymore.
this Everlasting pain in my chest. this feeling I get when I wake up from it.
it's too much.
why me? why now?
the suffering is unbearable. too much on a Teenager.
everyone can only handle so much.
But the pain is like a drug.
so addictive that if it isn't felt , you aren't human.
so overwhelmingly powerful that when its felt it's too much to take in at once.
so she cuts.
cuts until the pain in her chest has fallen.
until she sees blood .
to let her know that she's human.
and not some creature.
she cuts on her thighs , on her arms too but it's always hidden
underneath hoodies or long sleeved shirts.
she doesn't allow people to see her hurt because then she's weak.
Weak and in need of attention & pity.
Needing help is something that's been installed in her head as wrong.
but she needs to be strong.
not for herself , but for the people surrounding her.
"let's go to the mall. I feel like we haven't had a girls date in agesssss. I actually miss you alot"
"when do you want to go? After school?".
"YES Y/NNN. ughh your so smart & so pretty. let's make-out ".
"Nejireee. not in front of the boys".
"I support LGBTQ+ , but that's gay "
" do I sense homophobia from Mirio y/n??"
" yes he's very homophobic. And racist too???"
"that's homophobic mirio. did you just call her the n word with the hard r?"
"W-wait w-wait tamaki since when were you in on this ?. guys I'm not racist o-o-or homophobic. I love you two"
" I cannot stop laughing omg !. it's so fun to mess with you Mirio I swear"
"tamaki , are you stealing my lingo?"
"yes , Soo? is there a problem?"
"it's cute that you wanna be like me ".
"awwwww is my ship finally sailing "
"veryyyyy veryyyyy slow I guess "
"Mirio , that's not funny. Don't make me tell y/n & Tamaki what happened last week ".
" wait wait wait NO".
"yeahhhh imma just leave while you figure that out Mirio "
"where are you going y/n? "
"to have a full adventure in the bathroom"
" ha ha ha , how funny "
it's only a matter of time before the truth finally comes out.
I can't keep hiding myself from my friends.
but I can't show them that in desperately in need of consoling & that I need them.
it shows that I'm weak.
and the weak ones are never enough for anyone.
"y/n? your up here again?"
this is the second time Tamaki has caught me up here in my weakest state. how the fuck am I supposed to say to him?
"no. your seeing things Amajiki ".
"are you okay ? "
no. but I can't tell you that
"yeah I'm fine. why do you ask? "
"you haven't been the same. ever since you went back home . The others can't tell but I can. can you tell me what's going on ? ".
don't cry y/n. suck it up. don't let him see
" nothing's happening okay ? Look I have to go. are you coming to the mall? "
"y-yeah but wait- "
the door slammed , hard.
y/n is hiding something & Tamaki wants to know.
but what he doesn't know is that y/n doesn't fully know what's going on either
she's oblivious to the fact that she's suffering.
she thinks that she deserves it.
every part of it.
the trauma.
the bullying.
the cuts on her body.
she everything is meant for her
because she's abnormal , a freak.
a nobody.
"are you there? "
" long time no see , y/n. ".
✨
yeah imma just leave it at that guys. I swear life has just landed a boulder on my heart & told me to deal with it. I at least wanted to put something out , yk to keep the momentum going I guess?
side bar , y'all should really check out 7 minutes isn't enough by SMS-SabrinaMSexton. I think that book is really interesting & the smut is chefs kiss.
( please I posted this chapter how long ago? AND NOW THE BOOK IS FINISHED SGSVSGSVSGS but I think Wattpad ended up deleting her book which is so so sad )
Anyways I'll see y'all later 🤪🤪.
~G~
