unexpected feelings | marichat

chapter thirty-five

adrien's pov
  "have you been out here for long, kitty?" ladybug's voice said behind me, casting me out of my thoughts. i turned to her and found her head cocked slightly to the side, a curious look on her face. the action reminded me so much of marinette, it took me a second to process that it was actually ladybug. concentrate! you're just seeing things because you're distracted from that kiss she gave you.
   "oh, no, um, i just got here. have you seen anything?"
   she shook her head. "i was caught by a nightmare at my house but... i haven't seen anything since."
   "well, let's make ourselves his worst nightmare, shall we?" i grinned, and ladybug smirked back, leading the way towards the opposite side of the city.
   a loud, crazed yell stopped us in our tracks. "CATACLYSM!!"
   "chat, why did you-" i threw her out of the way, dodging my clone's attack. of course he'd find us. he's my nightmare. he hit a lamppost, reducing it to ashes.
   "run, ladybug!"
   ladybug risked a look at me as we fled, dodging each attack that the clone sent towards her. why'd he have to be so fast?! "is he- you? what's his- ow, goal?"
   i sighed. "he seems to have no interest in hurting me, only the people i care about. so far, he's only attacked you and... marinette dupain-cheng. it's weird though. he hit a computer and it turned into... into uncanny valley." she nodded, setting her gaze forward.
   "maybe it does that to technology only? because that lamppost back there turned to dust," she noted grimly. i nodded. that would make sense, since uncanny was a piece of technology. i shuddered at the morbidness of it all.
   a shadowy figure suddenly passed above us, surprising us so much that we didn't have time to dodge the sand he began to drop on us. "the sandboy just checked in, now nightmares can begin."
   sandboy seemed too preoccupied spreading nightmares around, though, and didn't seem to realize it was us below him. ladybug turned towards him, deftly dodging an attack my clone sent her way.
"distract him!! i need to get to sandboy!" she called out, and i nodded, throwing my staff at the clone and twisting him around with it. he fell to the ground with a loud grunt, giving her enough time to get a head-start over him.
ladybug started towards sandboy before freezing in her tracks, looking around wildly. i walked towards her, trying to see what was putting her on edge.
"ladybug? are you okay?" i asked, refraining from calling her 'm'lady'. with thoughts of marinette still fresh in my mind, the word didn't quite feel right.
she turned towards me, her eyes wide and bloodshot. the severity of the expression startled me. "do you hear that?"
i paused, finally hearing it. it was a voice singing a tune i knew all too well. little kitty on a roof, all alone without his lady.
i scooted closer and she quickly grabbed my hand, gripping it hard. "don't let go," she pleaded, in a voice that cracked my heart into a billion little pieces.
i squeezed her hand. "i wouldn't dare to try."
she led me towards the source of the sound, and the shape of the figure made me gasp. was that, me?? again?
"chat... blanc??" ladybug asked tentatively, her grasp on my hand tightening. the figure jumped up and walked towards us, finally revealing himself in a patch of pale moonlight. the sight was unsettling.
it was... me, only it wasn't me. he had the same costume, same body, same FACE, but his costume and hair were a pale shade of white, and his eyes were a lifeless blue. even his skin seemed dull, as if all the life had been sucked right out of him. her fear seemed to have changed with time, like mine. but how in the world did ladybug become so afraid of this?
"oh, m'lady!! i've found you again!! i was feline so sad that you'd left me!" chat blanc, as ladybug had called him, lilted, coming closer to us. ladybug shuddered, and i scooted us back, more towards the edge of the roof. chat blanc's sad expression quickly turned angry.
"so you're just going to leave me again? just like you did the first time? not so fast, mmmaaa'lady," he said, dragging the 'ma' in m'lady unnecessarily. it seemed to put ladybug on edge, and i stepped in front of her.
"ah, sorry, we don't know who you are. ladybug isn't accepting fan visits right now, so kindly escort yourself away from us."
chat blanc laughed hollowly and turned to look at me. "you want to protect her?? after what she did to you? or, should i say, us? she BROKE our heart. she stopped loving me! she left me both in and out of the mask and it's her fault paris is in shambles!!" he screamed painfully, shooting a huge white ray of light at us. the amount of emotion in his voice shocked me, and ladybug pulled me off the roof, nearly running into my clone as she did so. he seemed to have finally recovered from his fall.
we ran away from both of the nightmarish figures, ladybug having to dodge double the attacks as she did so. i tried to focus on running, but all i could think of was what chat blanc had said. stopped loving me? left me? in and OUT of the mask??
i tried to convince myself he was just a fear of hers, but something about him made me believe he was much, much more than just a fractured piece of ladybug's imagination.
we stopped running as we reached a dead end. shoot. we were cornered, and the two creeped closer, each wearing it's own deranged smile. they seemed to be looking at ladybug like she was a lion's lunch, and i struggled to figure out how we'd get out of this one.
"nowhere to go now, huh, m'lady," chat blanc sneered.
ladybug seemed extremely out of it, her usually determined looking face stained with a look of pure and utter fear.
"ladybug? correct me if i'm wrong, but... chat blanc is more than just a nightmare, isn't he?" i asked, and she looked down, not providing an answer. i sighed.
"your silence says more than your words, ladybug."
she frowned deeper, bringing her hands up to my arm. just as she was about to say something, the clone launched himself at her, and i tackled him, causing us to hit the ground hard.
"get OFF me," he growled, baring his teeth at me. i whistled.
"ah, he speaks!!"
my comment enraged him, and he clawed at me wildly, still not using his cataclysm against me.
"if you want me off you so bad, why don't you just cataclysm me?" he cackled, as if the question i'd asked him was the silliest thing he'd ever heard.
"you're a huge idiot. you aren't scared of what it'll do to you. you've been more than willing to take hits from it before. but you are scared of what it would do to the people you love. you're scared of yourself, and of how far your temper could take you. now that you know what your power is capable of, you're afraid that one day, you'll lose it and kill someone, like her," his eyes glinted, and his words shocked me so much that he managed to kick me off him so he could go after ladybug again, who was too busy battling chat blanc to hear.
i sat, dumbfounded at what he'd said. i was afraid of my own power. afraid of myself. it wasn't that i wasn't exactly aware of this. sometimes, i'd wake up in a cold sweat, nightmares of what i could possibly do to the people i loved with my cataclysm plaguing me ever since new york. but hearing someone- hearing me- acknowledge it? it made it feel much, much more real. like something i could no longer run from, despite how hard i tried.
i looked to where ladybug and the two nightmares stood, seeing that they were all at a standstill, chat blanc smirking evilly while ladybug and even my weird nightmare clone stood, gaping at something chat blanc seemed to have said.
the clone seemed to finally gain his bearings and cackled. "so now i'll be killing two birds with one stone? wicked. CATACLYSM!!"
i didn't even have time to think of what in the world that could mean before i threw myself onto ladybug, effectively taking the hit for her. she let out a piercing scream as the cataclysm hit me.
it was like my back had been hit by a thousand small knives, and each of them were hashing away at my skin, into my veins. despite how awful it felt to be cataclysmed, though, i was relieved. with me gone, my fear would cease to exist, leaving only one maniacal chat for ladybug to deal with. i felt myself drift off into nothingness, trusting that she would be able to bring me back after all this was over.
————
   ladybug's eyes filled with tears as she watched her partner, the boy she realized she loved, disappear into nothingness. his evil twin had disappeared with him, but it didn't comfort her. all she could think of was bringing chat noir back.
he did this much too often. sacrificing himself for her in the middle of battles. ladybug hated it. she hated the feeling of desperation that rolled within her, the fear that she wouldn't be able to fix things. or that, even if she did, he'd still be gone.
   the thought of that alone was enough for her to wipe her tears and call out her lucky charm. there would be a time to process all this later. now was the time to save chat noir and paris. a small eraser appeared in her hands, similar to the one she'd used when she had originally defeated chat blanc.
   "an eraser, marinette?" he snarled, emphasizing her name angrily. she shuddered at it, glad sandboy wasn't close so hawkmoth couldn't hear of her identity. "as much as i'd love to erase the past too, we both know you can't. you tried it once, and i'm back again, aren't i?"
   chat blanc shot at it, attempting to make it disappear from ladybug's hands. she dodged the cataclysm, tackling him and pinning him to the ground.
   "i need you to let me fix this. PLEASE. i don't know what i did to you, but i'm sorry," she pleaded to him, preferring to talk sense into him rather than fight him, even if he was just her fear personified. whatever had caused him to become akumatized the first time, it was all her fault. and knowing that filled her with an endless supply of guilt.
   chat blanc stared at her blankly. "the problem here, marinette, is that you aren't sorry. that's why i have to take your miraculous from you. i could fix everything. we could be in love again. everything would be purr-fect. you won't take that from me again!" he said, pinning ladybug below him and trying to grab her earrings. she wriggled out of his grasp and ran, looking around to see how she could use her lucky charm. she spotted sandboy wandering towards them and smirked.
   she had a plan. she just hoped it would work.
   chat blanc began making a beeline towards her. "give me that eraser so i know you can't destroy me again!" he yelled, activating his mega-cataclysm.
   "awh, you mean this thing? okay!" she chirped, throwing the eraser at sandboy. sandboy watched in alarm as chat blanc lunged toward him wildly, hitting the pillow and letting out the akuma. he didn't even get the time to try and steal the miraculouses. hawkmoth couldn't be too happy about that. serves him right for akumatizing a child.
   ladybug caught sandboy from falling as he began to detransform and quickly caught the akuma, purifying it before it wreaked more havoc. chat blanc growled and lunged at her, but she reverted everything to normal before he could cause any more harm. chat blanc- and everyone else's live nightmares- were no more.
   chat noir reappeared on the other side of the road, barely having time to register anything before ladybug threw her arms around him tightly.
   "kitty! oh my god, you're okay! never pull something like that again! i- i saw you die in front of my eyes, chat. do you know how scared that made me?" she asked, sobbing violently into his chest. chat's arms, however, remained limply on his sides.
   he wished he could say something to comfort her, something to reassure her that he was okay, that he wasn't going anywhere. but now that the danger was past, all he could think of was chat blanc. there was something ladybug wasn't telling him.
   "chat?" she asked, pulling away to look him in the eyes. he averted his gaze and gulped.
   "we need to talk."
   ladybug frowned, her expression clouding over. her earrings beeped and she turned to look at the little boy who had just been akumatized. she set her jaw and nodded.
   "take him back to his house, and meet me at the eiffel tower in ten minutes."

(a/n: yall ive been waiting to revive chat blanc for SO DAMN LONG, the aftermath just intrigues me sm ?? like how is chat gonna react when he finds out abt it? i know it was sorta short ish but i wanna focus more on the nightmares and what chat feels so i decided to turn sand boy incompetent for today :) also was highlyyy debating the identity reveal for this chapter... but like after much consideration i decided not to so i can add it to a bigger chapter later on ;) , i love angst sm so we will be getting alot of it in the following chapters <3 w a healthy dose of fluff ofc ofc)