unexpected feelings | marichat

chapter fifty-five

to anyone awake and alert enough, the sight of ladybug leaping through the sky must have been rather weird. why was she going around paris still if hawkmoth had been defeated six years ago?
the answer was so secret, even ladybug herself didn't know. or, rather, she did and she chose to ignore it. she blamed alya, despite tikki's reasoning that it was really nobody's fault (so it wasn't, but she needed something concrete and reachable to blame).
   if her best friend hadn't brought it up during their 5 pm coffee date, and if marinette hadn't cared too much for her own good, she wouldn't even be here! but no, here she was, thinking of alya's words and feeling all too unwell.
   she landed on her old balcony and detransformed, giving tikki a macaron to snack on while she organized her thoughts. marinette leaned against the railing, caressing the old rusting thing. she was sure it could still hold a certain black cat if he were to land on it now, though. ah.
it wasn't like marinette hadn't had any other relationships after their short-lived one. she had, and though she'd enjoyed them, each time they drew close to becoming serious, she sent them away. the one that pained her most was luka. he'd always been so willing to get back with her, and she had ran back to him so many times.
it was awful, making him believe that maybe the next time would be different than the last. so she told him they could never get back together. that had been a year ago. it was a marvel he remained her friend after the hell she'd put him through. he'd been seeing kagami recently (a truly dynamic match), and alya had brought it up today. that was when everything went downhill, really.
"y'know, marinette. you're allowed to be sad about luka finding someone new. that's okay," alya said, placing her hand on marinette's. marinette smiled and took a sip of her latte.
"it's not the fact that he's moved on, als. i'm happy for him, and for kagami. i love them both to pieces. it's just... i don't know, is it awful to say i miss having a constant? a person i knew i could go back to and they'd take me, no hesitation. i can't commit, but i can't stand being alone for too long. am i an awful person, alya?"
   alya smiled at marinette like she was a lost cause, which made marinette's frown even more pronounced. "you're not an awful person, mari. one mistake doesn't make you bad, especially if you're willing to fix it. you wanna talk about why you can't commit, maybe? because i know you know why, and i have a good idea of why."
   marinette ducked her head. "i don't know what you're talking about. why would my reasoning be helpful anyway?"
   "getting to the root of the problem is the first step in solving it," alya said before sighing. "it's been six years, marinette. i know you made promises, and you've tried moving on, but you never stick to it. you always run right back to waiting on him. don't you think it's time you finally moved on?"
   marinette scowled. she'd not asked for alya to bring adrien up. "i'm not holding on to any promises, als. he's a part of my past. it was puppy love. maybe i'm just not made for a serious relationship."
   their conversation shifted soon after that, but even now, 7 hours later, she couldn't get alya's accusations out of her head. she didn't run back to adrien and their promises. that was absurd!
   except... was it really? marinette groaned, but there wasn't any point in lying to herself. she was absolutely still waiting for him. some deep, cheesy, disgusting part of her was still hoping he'd come back. insane.
   there was no way he was ever coming back. not because they'd ended badly. things had just... fizzled.
   when he'd first moved to the states, there was hardly a moment they weren't communicating. but then adrien started school, and marinette's free from school months expired, and clubs and assignments and a hundred other things piled up, and they began to talk less, until the only messages they sent to each other were "happy birthday!" and "merry christmas:)".
   she hadn't even received a birthday message this year. so why was she still so hung up on it? it no longer mattered. but it does matter. it matters and it's embarrassing and i-
   "hello," a voice behind her said, reeling her out of her thoughts. she gasped as it registered, because it was strange and familiar at the same time.
   "chat noir?" she turned slowly and saw him, for the first time in six years. she could've sworn her heart skipped a good ten beats.
   he looked like he was taller, though she couldn't quite tell with the way he perched himself on the railing (she knew it held up!). his hair seemed longer, yet just as unkempt as it had been years ago. his muscles... they rippled through his suit, giving the impression that they'd been sculpted by god himself. his jawline was much more defined too, chiseled enough to sharpen a knife she was certain. she forced herself to look up at his eyes, which glimmered as mischievously as they had when he was fifteen.
   "sorry. i didn't mean to frighten you," he grinned, leaping off the railing. marinette returned the grin and recalled the first time he'd landed on her balcony all those years ago. amazingly, she swallowed her shock and returned the charade.
   "what are you doing here? don't you have, like, super-heroey things to do?"
   chat shrugged. "nah. i'm on vacation."
   marinette rolled her eyes and finally threw herself onto him, unable to keep controlling the urge to do so. he froze, certainly confused as to why she'd hug him after so long, but returned the embrace after a few seconds. his arms were steady and felt like home, as if they hadn't been gone for six years.
"i missed you so much," she breathed into his chest, gripping his back as if it were her lifeline. she pulled back, though, realizing the absurdity of their reunion. this wasn't some fanfiction. things couldn't just go right back to being in love, as if they were the same people they were as teenagers.
   "i missed you too," chat noir smiled as she pulled away. okay, so maybe his smile was as beautiful as she remembered, but they still couldn't just hug away years of no speaking.
   "you wanna, uh, come in maybe?" marinette asked, holding her hand out. he gladly took it and followed her into her old bedroom, which remained as it had been when she'd moved out at 18.
adrien, now detransformed, looked around the place with a curious intensity, which made marinette slightly self conscious. what if he hated this place? thought it was childish? don't be silly. he wouldn't have come over if he thought you'd be childish.
   "your room... it still looks the same as it did when we were younger," adrien shook his head and laughed, and marinette laughed with him.
   "i never saw a need to change it. everything i loved stayed the same until i moved out," she shrugged as adrien looked at the collage next to her bed (which was still filled with pictures of him in every form) and smiled at him as they grabbed blankets and sat on opposite ends of the bed.
   "i can't believe i'm actually here, sitting on your bed. after all this time, i don't know, i figured you'd hate me," adrien laughed, humorlessly. "or, at the very least not trust me anymore. i keep waiting for something to go wrong."
   marinette shook her head lightly. "why would you think that? i have no reason to hate you, adrien."
   "i don't know. i felt like you'd maybe change your mind about how you felt about me after everything my father did. my aunt was scared of me after i moved in with her, did i tell you that? she acted like she wasn't in front of my face, but i heard her telling felix to be careful around me. 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree,' she said. i figured you'd feel the same, that maybe you'd thought i'd gone down the same road as him," adrien explained, picking at a piece of his blanket and staring at it intently.
marinette knew herself to be an emotional person, whose heart probably broke over a person's ice cream falling to the ground in a cartoon. but, god, she'd never felt it break more than now. it pained her to think that adrien went through that for so long. without anyone to help him. she reached for his hand, and he looked back up at her.
"adrien... i'm so sorry. did... are you barely moving out from her house?"
he nodded. "i felt bad, leaving her after she took me in. felix went off to college, and she was so alone, i couldn't allow that after she'd given me a home, risking people hating her for being related to an agreste. so i stayed in new york for college, and lived with her all throughout. felix is back now, though, and i finished all my courses, so i'm... free. i always wanted to come back to paris, and now i'm finally here," he gave her a crooked smile, and she returned it weakly. he was still much too good to people who didn't deserve it.
"i'm really glad you're back. i'm really proud of you," she told him. he waved his hand, as if he didn't deserve it, but she knew he did. he'd gone through hell and back these last six years, and she wasn't sure she'd have made it out sanely if she was in his spot. but he handled it so well and somehow still managed to be the same kind soul she knew so long ago. it was amazing.
"enough about me, though. what've you been up to lately?" adrien asked, propping his chin on his hands and leaning in as if mega-engrossed with her. she giggled lightly and sighed.
"i, uh... i got my degree in fashion. i've been working on opening a boutique, but for now everything has been online. people are buying like crazy, so it's been... incredible. i still can't believe all my dreams are coming true. i didn't think it'd be possible with the miracle box. alya and nino live together now, which i think is adorable. i feel like it's only a matter of time before he proposes. she's been posting rings on her close friend's story. and, yeah," marinette shrugged. adrien looked elated.
"you got your degree and already sell clothes? that's amazing marinette! i always knew you'd make it. you know, my offer to model for you still stands," he winked, and marinette smiled.
"i think i'll have to take you up on that soon."
"just give me a date, time, and an hour for lunch, and i'm all yours," adrien smiled proudly, and marinette laughed. adrien's smile warmed.
"would it be weird if i told you i missed your laugh?" he asked, and marinette went pink. he missed my laugh?
"you did?"
"i'm sorry! it probably sounds like i'm coming off too strong," he apologized, rubbing his neck sheepishly.
"no, no! i just, i don't know, i thought i was the only one missing the way you sounded. just, you in general, i guess."
"you absolutely haven't been the only one. i've tried everything. i've even gone on dates, but nothing compares to you. it must sound so cliché, but that promise we made? about coming back to each other? i always knew it'd be the easiest promise to keep."
   marinette stared at him, perplexed for a moment. she couldn't believe he missed her. adrien agreste, who could probably have anyone he wanted if he tried, missed her, marinette dupain-cheng. it was wild. but it made sense. unexpected feelings were kinda their thing. she was thankful that was a constant in her life. it let her know, in this moment, everything with adrien would be okay.
   "guess it's lucky i've kept it too, huh?" she said softly, and he smiled, pulling a beaded string out his pocket. marinette gasped. he still carries it around.
   "i knew your lucky charm would never fail me."

(a/n: look at them all grown up :,) also im so sorry for not updating school has been kicking my ass but hey all a's babes!!!!)