unexpected feelings | marichat

chapter forty-six

adrien's pov
   ladybug sat at the very top of the eiffel tower, far from where anyone's eyes- or ears- could follow her. she toyed with her yo-yo, unaware of the fact that i had arrived. i smiled, wondering whether or not i should pull some kind of joke upon arrival. considering the height we were at, i decided against it.
   "i know we saw each other yesterday, lb, but you must have missed me tons," i called out from the rung behind hers. she kept looking down at her yo-yo, though, no scolding or even any acknowledgement. i frowned. "ladybug? is everything alright?"
   i sat beside her, and she turned to look at me with a wide smile. "of course it is, why wouldn't it be? everything's good! fine, nice, perfect! nothing could get any better," she enthused, still wearing the unnaturally large grin. after a minute, it began to wobble, and then she was in tears.
"no, that's not true. chat noir, everything isn't fine, it's far from it! everything is tumbling down and it's all my fault," she sobbed, digging her face in her hands. i tentatively placed an arm on her shoulder, and she leaned into me.
"hey, no, stop. whatever's going on, i'm sure it isn't your fault. breathe, please ladybug. we can get through this, whatever it is," i assured her, speaking softly to calm her down. she shook her head, lifting it to reveal a blotchy tear-stained face and glossy eyes.
"no, this is too big to get through! i thought that too, but no. this... it's bigger than big. and it is, it's all my fault. i'm such a failure! i should have been more careful," she said, running her hands through her pigtails before a massive sob wracked through her. i held her tighter.
"no, look at me. please, ladybug," i pleaded, and she turned towards me, looking me in the eyes tearfully. "you're not a failure, okay? far from it. and whatever happened, i'll help you with. we're partners, and i won't leave your side. us against the world, remember?"
ladybug did a small nod and inhaled sharply, removing herself from me. she hugged herself before speaking. "someone... someone knows my identity."
"what?" i had heard clearly what she'd said, but i wanted desperately not to believe it. for it to have been some mistake. how could someone know her identity? it was impossible.
"someone knows my identity," she repeated, more steadily this time. "lila. lila rossi knows and she..." ladybug trailed off, her voice cracking. lila?
   "lila rossi... but how? that's... how? why?"
ladybug began to explain, her words fast and nearly unintelligible. "she saw me transform and i don't even know, i don't know when or how but there are so many times, chat, so many times anyone could have seen me! she has it on video and she sent it to alya césaire and i don't know if she's told anyone else but this is horrible, chat. this is a mess!"
lila knew ladybug's identity. this definitely counted as a disaster. a terrifyingly dangerous one. i didn't know what to say or do, because i knew just how far lila would go to hurt ladybug, and i didn't want to picture what she'd do with this information now that she had it. another piece of ladybug's words suddenly registered in my head.
"and she told... only alya? but... why? why just her?" i questioned. an alarm in my head gave me one good reason, but i ignored it as i had so many other times, despite how difficult that task was becoming. i would not prod for ladybug's identity unless she told it to me herself, especially not after something like this happened.
"lila must have thought alya would post it on the ladyblog, where so many people could see it. but alya came to me instead," ladybug sniffled, still looking incredibly dejected. i tried to wrap my head around everything.
   at least two people knew who ladybug was under the mask. one was trustable, but the other... i'd prefer nearly anyone but her. the thought that lila knew sickened me, and i balled up my fists angrily. how could she film it and tell others about it? was she that evil? she seemed to target the sweetest people. ladybug, marinette... what was her problem? at first, i'd thought she deserved a second chance, but after so many second chances.... i was well beyond tired.
   ladybug seemed to be battling herself as well, and after a moment of silence, she spoke again. "hawkmoth probably already knows," she said, chuckling humorlessly and shaking her head. "maybe i should hand my miraculous to someone more capable. some better ladybug. someone who could actually help you take down hawkmoth," she added, her voice hollow. her hand reached for her ear, and i quickly stopped it.
   she looked at me, frowning, and i shook my head. "no! you can't give up. if hawkmoth knew, don't you think he would have done something already? but look, every one of his akumas has been as ridiculous as always! don't ever think you aren't capable, ladybug. you are capable of everything. probably the best ladybug ever, if you ask me."
she stared, unconvinced. "you don't know of any ladybug's before me. only tikki does," she stated matter-of-a-factly.
"so? you've got a whole blog dedicated to you! you'll be around for ages to come. the other ladybug's might have been good, but do they have a ladyblog written after them? no. and they probably also lacked a super cat-tastic partner," i winked, and it was enough to coax the smallest smile out of her. she frowned right after, though.
"this is still dangerous. if she figured mine out, you can bet she's working to find your identity too, chat. and if she's not, she'll probably work for it eventually. we can't let that happen. we've got to be extra careful. more careful than ever. and we've got to get to hawkmoth before she does," ladybug said grimly. i nodded.
"don't worry. neither of them stand a chance against the bug and cat team."
————
i headed towards nathalie's bedroom, where she would give me details about an upcoming photoshoot that my father was planning. he'd kept all details under wraps, but i was certain he wanted it to take place as soon as possible. i prayed that if any other models participated in it, none of them would be lila. i didn't think i could handle her after my conversation with ladybug earlier today.
i knocked on nathalie's slightly open door and waited for an answer. nothing. i knocked again. maybe she was busy?
still nothing. after a few minutes, it was becoming slightly worrisome. where could she be?
"uh... nathalie? can i come in?" i asked, and still received no answer. now i was slightly panicking. what if something had happened?
   i pushed on the door slightly and caught a glimpse of nathalie's vanity. there was nothing but a pair of broken glasses on it, which always sat there. i had no idea how she'd broken them, but she refused to let go of the pair after getting sturdier ones.
   i further opened the door and sighed in relief. nathalie was in her bed, sleeping soundly. she must have felt sick and decided to go to bed early.
   i walked out of the room quietly, deciding not to disturb her slumber. whatever we had to go over for the shoot could be dealt with tomorrow morning, when she felt better. maybe i could convince them to make it a solo shoot.

(a/n: 4k reads... insanity. wish i could hug each and every one of the ppl who continue to read every update of this story. ily v much <3)