When you love and trust someone more than anyone even more than yourself, just only to find that...that they don't give **** about you... its hurts
Realizing that it's going to be a long night, Team sighed; he was lying on the bed, staring at the plain white ceiling above as the pictures of those incidents he witnessed today along his owns thoughts kept him awake for past few hours. Sleep didn't invade him like it would've on the any other usual nights when he had been sleeping peacefully near his boyfriend. His hia's scent was enough for him to lull him to sleep on his hard times; his presence and warm hugs never failed in making him fall asleep on the sleepless nights. But today was not going to be one of them, it's different. His boyfriend was here in their room filling it with his scent which should calm Team more than anything. The scent lingers everywhere in the room, especially in the soft pillow under his head, in the messy duvet safely covering him, in the bed he was lying yet he wondered if it was his hia's intoxicating masculine scent or unfamiliar... Even though his hia was sleeping next to him very flesh and blood, all he could feel now was cold and he was shivering from it, not from the weather or the a.c. his presence didn't give him the warmth it used to.
He wondered if the person was his hia the one he knew, trusted and loved more than anyone in his entire lifetime. He questioned himself if he knew the person anymore... the person who was first to reach and help him with many things, the person who cared for him the most, the person who loved and cherished him for who he was... or maybe that's what he thought, just his thoughts. Maybe that was all some act to make him fall into the trap built in for him. Why it has to be him out all the people? Why hia chose him for this sick play? Did he ever love him? If he had loved him then, why? Didn't he love him anymore? Was he not worth enough? Did he fall out of love for him?
Maybe he has become delusional. No he can't, that could be the last thing he wants to realize now, it's too much for his mind to bear anymore, replaying all the incidents at once, it adds a loads of burden to the pain in his already broken heart.
He twisted and turned on the bed for the nth time hoping to get some rest, but those images kept running on like a wild hd movie in his mind, doing its best in keeping him awake. It was haunting him more than his nightmares would. Though his nightmares were always worse, this one proved it's the worst and scariest of all.
It's not like he has never heard something similar to what he saw today, yet it was surreal, he saw it on his own. No more denial or running away from the reality now, he has to let his heart and mind face and accept the truth.
When the reality comes hitting us hard knocking out all of our sense, in the end leaving us with the only two possibilities: something good or bad.
And if it was something related to the feelings we have for someone, it either makes us happy or sad. No worries if that makes us happy, but what if it makes us sad and broke...
He still remembered the day when he asked his friends to meet early before the classes for the day started. Spotting them in their usual meeting place the polished marble-stone bench under the golden shower tree near their faculty canteen, he came running to them and panted out of breath as he sat in between his friends. Seeing him too happy made them smile warmly, yet Pharm being curious asked for the reason of their meeting. Taking a deep breathe he blurted out "I'mdatinghiaWin". "What?" they both replied simultaneously as Team's statement came within a breath. Blushing hard Team shyly told them again clearly. But this official announcement of dating hia didn't end up good. The very first reaction from his friends made him upset, all they did was frowning at his statement explaining that it would be the biggest mistake he could do in his whole life if he dates Win, since he was a well- known badass senior in the college. Manow was the first to warn him about that. But Team argued stubbornly and literally ignored her for weeks saying how stupidly she believed in the rumours spread around the campus about his hia, challenging her that his knowledge about his boyfriend was more than anyone who knew hia. Manow couldn't say anything further. Pharm felt so helpless, since he too had a bad feeling regarding Win and their relationship. Unlike Manow, he didn't voice out his thoughts as he knew it was better if he had more evidence rather than concluding from his own thoughts and those rumours. (Imagine Dean and Pruk didn't exist here)
