I can't help the moan that escapes my mouth at the taste of her tongue against mine, and my hips pulse reflexively up to meet hers. But before I can reach the heat emanating from her core, she grasps my neck in her hand and pushes me away, pressing...
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Years ago, my past came back to find me.
She came in the form of a willowy, now red headed, blue-eyed bombshell that filled out a military uniform.
"It's fate, Valencia."
I remember eyeing her warily at the time, flashbacks of being 15 and sneaking out of the lunch hall to spend time together. I remember thinking about how after lights out and the guards first rounds, she would sneak into my room, under the blankets. I remember looking at her bright red hair, remembering how she always had bleached blonde because it drew attention and she hated attention.
"We found each other when we needed each other the most. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
I was 19, I had just enlisted. And there she was, this beautiful young woman who faintly resembled a silly teenage crush, was telling me that she was in fact that silly teenage crush. There were about 40 people bunking in my bay but I was never one to socialize or seek company. She said she saw me walking and even though we both changed so much in such a short period of time, she felt the same pull she felt when we were teenagers.
She's trying to tell me it's fate that our paths have crossed again.
Too bad I don't believe in fate.
"No, Beth." I told her, hardening my eyes.
It took me years to move past everything that happened. As pretty as she was, and as much as I wanted to see what would happen if I followed the flutter of butterflies in the pit of my tummy telling me to grab her and kiss her or something. But I didn't need this pretty little blue eyed reminder of the darkest moments of my life.
She searched my own eyes for something, and I hoped she didn't find it. I hoped she'd turn around and fucking forget she ever knew me, because it can't possibly be good for her to be thinking of that God forsaken place either. Even if we tried to help it, that's all we would see in each other's eyes, flashbacks of mutual pain and suffering. As much as that made our bond stronger in the moment, it also inherently ties any manifestation of a relationship between us to that place too.
"You're lying." She said, eyes narrowed, so sure of it.
I scoffed to cover the fact that she could have been right. But I'd pushed down feelings for so long that I couldn't tell myself even if I wanted to.
I sighed, looking down and kicking the dirt. "I can't make you happy Beth." It's final. In those words I've told her that this is a lost cause, that this will never happen. And she knows that when I've made up my mind there's no changing it.
I didn't want to cling to her like a lifeline like I did when I was younger. I needed to feel everything, every pull of the trigger
Besides, there was no fucking way we were going to be stationed anywhere close to each other again, I would make sure of it.
