Strawberry Wine

five

       Her father's calls were becoming a little more frequent than usual. She sensed the slow rise of urgency in his voice every time he talked about the situation. As usual, she tried to be calm, to be strong. Nothing disconcerts a child more than the parent worrying, but Chae Young felt a sense of responsibility towards her mother to be stronger than she would have wanted to be.

"Are things turning for the worst?" she asked Jung Kook, as they sat on his grandparent's porch, watching the chickens peck at grains in the front yard.

He did not answer immediately, and she felt the familiar disconcertment rising.

"A cease fire has been issued after the shooting of University students. There will be less shooting at least."

Chae Young did not know what to make of the answer. He did not assure her in the usual way. Maybe he was also becoming tired of assuring when there was nothing to assure about.

She looked up at the sky; the late morning sun was yellow and happy as though all was calm and quiet. She thought about the people who were looking at the same sun in other parts of the world, and how different their lives must be at the moment. Just then, she felt his finger lightly touch hers. She looked over at him and saw the familiar, soft smile that placated the disconcertment in her. How strange to be in love when the world was hurtling into a pit.

That was the day her father first mentioned about moving. He had a sister in Australia and he wondered if it would be better for them to start life anew in a peaceful country. Chae Young said nothing. The idea was too shocking to register. He was not talking about Seoul or Busan, but Australia. Her father went on to say that her older brother had not liked the idea. She was quick to chip in that she didn't either.

"Can we not see what happens for a few more weeks? I'm sure things will get better, especially since a cease fire has been issued."

"Yes, yes... we will see."

His response did not sound very reassuring. She was not worried about starting school in a foreign country, or having to learn English suddenly, leaving behind Ji Rin or having to uproot everything she had known. The only thing that came to her mind was the boy whose butterfly touches filled her waking hours.

After he hung up, she sat motionless by the landline for a while, trying to take it in. For the first time, her father's phone call left her heart heavy and tired. She avoided Jung Kook the entire afternoon, worried that her anxiety would show through. As an excuse, she accompanied her grandmother to the card game the old ladies usually gathered for after lunch. But to her dismay, the dampness of the civil war seemed to have seeped through to even the usually raucous grannies. The same ladies who had teased her about hanging out too much with Mi Hee's grandson and who had chided her grandmother that marrying a boy from Gwangju usually ended in divorce kept lamenting about the war.

"How can they shoot at students? It's too much".

"We're becoming a communist country now. Aigoo, I remember our youths when we fought against this."

"What was the use of all those struggles if history was going to repeat itself?"

"Couldn't history have waited until we passed on at least? How many wars must a person see in one's short lifetime."

The same heavy dread filled her heart and Chae Young silently sat at the side, wishing she had not come.

Bird calls from the forest came floating towards them distantly. Today, the stillness of the afternoon suffocated her.