Strawberry Wine

twelve

Chan Yeol was saying something about his father's trip to Italy. Or was it Paris? Chae Young listened absent-mindedly, catching snatches of words and phrases. Her mind was occupied in trying to finish a sentence for the song she had recently begun writing.

"Chae Young-ah?"

Chae Young turned to look at him and blinked.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Oh..." She took in the striped shirt he was wearing, an intentionally oversized one that hung fashionably loose on his tall, lean frame, and the gelled hair which looked naturally spiky if not for the fact that she could catch whiffs of the hair gel. He was always well dressed, unlike her. Unlike Jung Kook. "Your hair's back to defying gravity today," she tried to joke.

He did not look amused. "Are you going to tell me what's on your mind?"

Chae Young sighed and continued walking.

"Is something bothering you? Tell me." He caught up with her and demanded.

"No, it's nothing really... I was just thinking... this assignment we have... its due tomorrow."

"Everyday?" Chan Yeol questioned. "You have an assignment due everyday?"

Chae Young stopped in her track.

"Chae Young-ah, please be honest with me, hm?"

She said nothing as he came around and faced her. "Chae Young-ah, why are you with me?"

She felt her mouth go dry. "Oppa...?"

He looked away and swallowed. She reached out and lightly touched his arm. "Oppa..."

In response, he placed a hand over hers. "I'll be honest with you. Most times, you're lost somewhere else when you're with me. Don't misunderstand me when I say this but, you come alive only when... only when we're on bed."

Chae Young blushed and glanced around uncomfortably even though she had no reason to; they were in an isolated corner of the campus and there was no one around who was close enough to hear them.
"Oppa, not here. Let's talk later..."

"Later when? When we've tired each other out?" His voice was suddenly steely, and Chae Young froze.

He sighed and looked down. "Chae Young-ah, I'm sorry if you felt pressured into going out with me. I'm sorry if I did or said anything for you to have felt that way. But my patience is wearing. I feel so alone when I'm with you. I wish you'd just tell me straight away if you don't like something about me."

The words hit her hard. She knew she had not been the most attentive girlfriend, but she thought she was doing enough. She opened her mouth but could think of nothing to say. Instead she looked down at their shoes: her frayed, over-washed Converse and his shiny new Jordans.

"Chae Young-ah...," his voice was matter-of-factly, "if you think, you made the wrong choice, I'd understand if you want to walk away."

Chae Young knew that it was not fair for him, it was not his fault that he felt lonely and upset, it was not his fault that they were having this conversation. Before she could think, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "Oppa, I'm sorry. You are a great person and any girl would be lucky to have you. It's not your fault... I... I guess... I am selfish at times, and I... "

He squeezed her hand back. "Its not your fault," his tone softened, "Do you know why I like you? When I met you, I thought you could protect me and not the other way round. I envied the strength I saw in you. I don't think you're selfish. Perhaps a bit too self-sufficient. I just wish you'd need me sometimes and let me in."