Rhapsody of a Veela

Part 61 - Choices

 29th June 1997

It was summer, but there was only rain. The dark clouds in the skies outside Hogwarts castle felt static, everlastingly heavy where they pushed down upon you. Clouding your vision and mind, as no sunshine seemed to be able to break through its cover. While pretending you were busy studying like the dutiful student you were supposed to be, it did not seem like you fooled anyone. At least not those who were or rather used to be close to you before you shut them out.

"Fred says you won't write him" Ginny stated blankly at breakfast, but you were lost in your thoughts. There across the room sat the sickly figure of Draco among his Slytherin peers, avoiding your gaze as if he was afraid you would read his mind.

"Sorry, what?" you mumbled, startled as Ginny touched your arm to get your attention.

"Is everything alright with the two of you, you're not getting cold feet already?" she continued with a smile, although it was clear she would closely examine whatever you might answer, however you might react.

"With Fred?" you asked, as if it was not obvious it was him you were talking about.

"No, I... everything's all right, I'm just so stressed about our exams is all" you lied, and even if she gave up her digging you knew she could tell perfectly well from the look in her brown eyes.

"Well he keeps writing me, asking what's up with you as you haven't replied to any of his last letters" she continued, before taking another bite of her buttered toast.

"Oh, I've been meaning to" you hurriedly explained,

"I've just.. had a lot on my mind lately"

Your eyes travelled across the great hall yet again, finally meeting the cold blue eyes of the Slytherin boy. Trying to unravel whatever tormented him, all the while being in complete anguish yourself.

He looked worse than the last time you had seen him in the Hospital Ward, recovering from his duel with Harry Potter. His eyes looked sunken and red from lack of sleep, and his skin paler than ever. The moment he had looked at you for a mere second too long, he stood up and walked away in a hurry.

After breakfast you returned to Gryffindor tower as it was a Sunday, intently avoiding everyone in the crowded common room as you headed up the stairs to the girls dormitory feeling their eyes linger on your back until you disappeared out of sight. Up there in your dorm room it was quiet, and so you brought out some parchments, an envelope, ink and your quill to force yourself to write a reply to Fred at last, although you felt completely exhausted by the mere idea of it.

Beside you on your bedstand, his last letters were stacked. This time you had only read them once, when you opened them with the exception of the last one. As you defiantly brought your quill to the parchment, without any idea whatsoever on where to start – the ink dripped of its tip and left a large black blotch on the lavender parchment. You stared at it for a moment, studied the way it soaked through the parchments thin layer with ease. Then an unexpected tear rolled of your cheek, fell onto its surface and ran across it causing the ink to bleed even more.

You left the desk, grabbed the letter on top of the towering stack and threw yourself onto your bed. Before you knew it, you fell asleep. Wasting away the hours you could've and should've spent reading for your exams.The hours had passed into evening, when Hermione entered the dorm room, finding you there, face down onto your bed pitifully. She lit the candles in the room and then sat down on the bedside next to where you lay, carefully patting your back.

"Y/n, are you all right?" she almost whispered, and you were startled awake. You had never been one to sleep during the day, or to sleep much at all but this time you had given in to the exhaustion completely.