Rhapsody of a Veela

Part 76 - Destiny

January 1998

"You knew she was there, for all this time you knew. And you lied to me.." your breath turned to damp in the cold winter air, plentiful snowflakes floated in the air around you as you walked onto the platform of Hogsmeade Station. You took no notice of how every student around kept a great distance to you and Draco, as if something bad would happen if they got too close.

"Y/n.. please I just-" Draco began, but you would not let him. You met his blue eyes, framed by snow-covered lashes and he could've sworn you'd never before looked at him with this much resentment.

"How could you?" you whispered, only so he could hear. The fact that you had spent most of the Christmas holiday torturing yourself over the fact that Luna had been dragged along to Azkaban without there being anything you could do, when in fact she had been imprisoned in the cellar of the Malfoy Mansion all along. She still was, but she was in far better condition than what you could say about the rest of the prisoners. Mr.Ollivander and Umbridge.

You shivered as you climbed onto the carriage, what happened at Christmas day was unmentionable. So terrible, that somehow you had almost convinced yourself that it was just a bad dream. Reality however, was far darker than what you could've ever imagined.

"If you could just let me explain, just like you I had no choice in the matter" Draco muttered by your side as the carriage started moving towards the castle, through the snow fall you could only faintly see the warming glow of its lights.

"It doesn't matter" you stated coldly, if you were to survive any more of this you could no longer care about anything at all. Maybe your father had been right, maybe this had been your destiny all along.

The welcoming feast in the great hall was just as dull as at the beginning of the cursed school year, no one seemed any particularly happy to be there, and the starry skied ceiling above seemed nothing but ominous. You kept your head low where you sat at the Slytherin table, knowing that even if you looked up to see Fred's face across the room it would not make you feel any better. If anything, it would only add another layer to your misery.

"You should really eat something Y/n, you look so pale" Pansy cheerfully encouraged you, and started eagerly adding different food to your empty plate. Draco looked at her across from you, with his terrible frown he attempted to hint to the fact that she really should not even bother.

"Here" she smiled, as she held a spoonful of Yorkshire pudding towards your face. You slapped her hand away instinctively, and it flew across the table landing in someone's chalice.

"Bite me Pansy!" you spat, before standing up and walking out of the great hall in a hurry. A ghastly looking death-eater who stood guard by the entrance to the great hall, briefly attempted to stop you, but your lethal glare quickly told him not to.

You felt a lot of contempt for the fact that you could, but you hardly ever cared to show up in any class anymore. Not even the few ones that were still taught by the original Professors. No one had any authority to demand you to anyway, although the Dark Lord was sure to be angered when he would eventually find out. Instead you stayed in your large dorm room most of the day, and restlessly walked around the castles labyrinth like walls at night although you were sure to avoid the seventh-floor-corridor where you were sure Fred and the others still actively partook in the rebellion.

A few times you ran into someone painting slogans at the castle halls, mostly jokingly petitioning for the headmaster to wash his greasy hair. You were sure a lot of the more creative ones were the doings of Fred.

It felt odd that for the first time in forever, not even Fred could put your mind on better things. Even as you saw him in the distance, you'd rather walk the other way than to meet him and see him. Just the sight of him was enough to elevate your pain, as nothing about your planned future together no longer seemed any likely. The best you could hope for was that he would get out of the war safe and live, that someday he would find himself happy with somebody else. Someone good, someone who's hands weren't stained in blood.

Draco meanwhile, he seemed just as tainted as you. As you both were from the moment you had entered the world, it made sense in an otherwise senseless world.

As you held on the the black opal ring, selfishly assured that Fred would keep holding on to its sister stone – you did realize that you would never love anyone quite as much as you loved him. It was impossible, what feelings remained for Draco remained fleeting like temperamental waves.

"Maybe you should speak to him" Draco suggested one night out of the blue, as you laid by his side tiredly.

"Don't be stupid" you replied and rolled over to face the wall instead,

"Nothing good would come out of it"

Draco let his hand stroke across your long hair as he sighed,

"I never liked that dingbat you know, and none of his blood-traitor family" he stated full of disdain, but then somehow more softly than usual,

"But, I always thought you were better of with them than with me"

"How unusually honest of you" you laughed joylessly, still angry about how he had with good conscience gas-lighted you into believing that your friend was locked away in Azkaban, that you were simply going inside when you heard the screams coming from inside the mansions.

"Fred never thought much about you either, yet here I lie in your bed"

You heard a soft yet melancholic chuckle from behind you, and he pulled you closer with his arms.

"And I plan on enjoying every moment of it"